Hi again

Been very tied up as mum in law continued to detonate, fell and broke her hip and got s steel bar in her leg . Alzheimer's worsened and she passed away very peacefully last night.

I of course start flaring and getting bloated tummy , so bloomimg predictable as I'm doing all the calls, arranging funerals etc .

This RA gflares as if to say , ha ha, it's hard enough , let me make it even more of a trial!!!!

Oh well I'm sure I'll manage and luckily my Rheumy planned appointment is Friday !

Hope you are all as well as can be expected xx

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59 Replies

  • Sorry to hear your sad news.

    Take care of you.

    All the best

    Jane xx

  • Thanks Jane , I know you have been through the mill too , thanks for taking the time to reply , definitely low tonight and got three meetings tomorrow on well, shoulders back as my mum would say X

  • Hi Allanah,

    Yes ,I have been through the mill this year . I'm not too bad at the moment,still feel very stiff ,but I have definitely got more energy.

    Good luck with your meetings,take things in your stride.

    Jane xx

  • So glad you are feeling stronger , you deserve it and I hope after next week I have more time to chat with all u lovely people X

  • I'm sorry to hear that A. Maybe a blessing, things obviously weren't getting better. Give my condolences to your h, & of course they're sent to you as well. x

  • Thanks nmh and glad u r up , been so tough and it's awful to say it is weirdly a relief and I know that sounds bad but it has been so hard recently going up and down, wearing gloves gowns marks , washing like crazy and hand gel evetywhere .

    She snd we were worn out and on the last day the consultant offered a bowel op of course we ran down and said no no no there's a small in place and please she's 80 Alzheimer's , can't walk , can't eat , doesn't recognise her family, enough is enough , I understand they want to save life's but at what cost to the person and their family . She was just old and dying! Sorry this so deep but it's how I feel tonight X

  • I know exactly how it feels & why the decision was made. I didn't see my m-i-l in the end of life suite for the last 3 weeks. Over the previous year she'd become an old lady, not the person I knew & loved any more & I found it too upsetting. The bed was eating her up she was so tiny in the end & the DLB that accompanied the Parkinson's just took her away from us. Similarly to your m-i-l she hadn't eaten for months & in effect had died weeks before. It was truly a blessing when she was released from the shell she became.

    You'll remember her fondly, as she was before she was blighted with Alzheimer's once the funeral's over & things settle down. Maybe Christmas being so near will be a mixed blessing but there's never a good time. Take care of you too & if help is offered accept it, don't try to do everything. Hugs & xxx

  • So sorry to hear about your Mum nmh's.

  • It was my mum in law Kiki but she did a good job of being a second mum as mine died in 1984, the year before I married so she helped me so much with prep, making bridesmaid dresses & everything prep wise. Mum in law died February 2013, not recently, sorry if I gave that impression!

    Hope you're ok? x

  • It's still a loss. I'm lucky to have both my parents and I laws and step parents ( 7 in total) dreading the time when they become ill I love them all so much. Mum is 75, Dad 77 next week. I'm doing well thank you. You?

  • Tired!!

  • That's true, & we were close. You're very fortunate to have all yours, even more so that you love each of them, I hope they stay in good health. I remember after losing mum the dread of losing my dad, it's an awful feeling but they were older parents when I was born so in a way inevitable I'd lose them at a relatively young age (23 when I lost mum & 33 dad). My f-i-l is 85 & a belligerent old bugger but that's how he is & we love him in spite of it!

    I'm not too bad thanks. Just back from Podietry, I'll have my brand spanking new carbon fibre orthotics in the new year. Yay! x

  • Fab. I couldn't imagine life without my inner soles.

  • Thanks so much for telling me that x

  • Hi Allanah, so sorry to hear your news, I agree with nmh, it is a blessing for both you and your mum in law. It was the kind thing to do, to say no to further treatment. I hope your flare eases soon and all the arrangements go smoothly. Thinking of you. X

  • Thanks do much smiler sleep is taking a while!

  • You are not alone there Allanah. I think quite a few of us are up and burning the midnight oil, so frustrating and tomorrow we will feel exhausted! Hugs. X

  • Had a nap ! So tired tho

  • im so sorry Allanah deepest sympathises to you and husband.

    sending you strength to cope with all you have to do.

  • Thanks do much xx hope I get a steroid Friday even if it affects my weight

  • only ever had one steroid injection and then tablets after that. injection didn't help me. does it work for you. im on biologic from last year.

  • Yes thry really work for me x

  • I'm sending you my love and prayers. Take care of yourself and your husband.

    I wish you peace and love


  • Thanks so much Sue X

  • I'm glad you're getting an injection and hope you'll be able to prioritise yourself, the pressures surrounding your kind of situation isn't easy at all. My mil had Alzheimer's and this was a very sad trial. So I'm sorry for your loss and the difficulties you've obviously been going through. Hope you can get relief from the jag and some down time over the next few weeks. Xxx c

  • Hi thanks Cathie, don't know if he will give me the jab but heres hoping xx

  • Lay it on. We will keep fingers crossed

  • Oh darling i am so sorry to hear about your mil. She is not suffering anymore bless her. Sending you hubby and you and the rest of your family my love and hugs for the ordeal you are all going through at this time. Love to you.xxxx

  • Thanks lovely

  • Sorry to hear that Allanah. I hope someone in her family steps up to the plate to give you a break. It so hard to manage with non-copers when you aren't well yourself. I hope it all goes well and that someone helps you with all the planning.

  • No there is only hubby and me! That's it, so just us and the kids at the funeral !

  • Oh wow that is a lot to cope with the not having any more family to help. Well look after your self too, make time for you and remember if you fall over so do the rest of them.

  • Sorry to hear of yours & your husbands loss. It sounds like it was the right time for her. Take time out to take of yourself x

  • It was her time, thanks so much x

  • Thoughts are with you. At times it is a double edged sword when you know it is the best for them but it still hurts. Hope you can get it all sorted before Christmas.

    Hope you can get your steroid and can enjoy christmas with your OH and children.


  • Thanks farm xxxx

  • Sending big hugs Darling 😘😘💚

  • Thanks lovely x

  • Both my MIL & FIL had Alzheimer's so when it finally got to the end we were also exhausted and yes, a bit relieved. It's hard isn't it, as even if they don't seem to know which way is up there's always a question about whether they're aware of what's going on. Our funerals were small too, but it can still be a good occasion to say goodbye and remember the good times. Get out the photo albums and have a good cry.

  • Thanks xxxxxxxxx

  • Hi Alannah, your story is like a re telling of my own.

    Mum had Alzheimers and went to a home, as I found I couldn't keep up with my job and care for her adequately, even though I moved in with her.

    She had so many fall with both hips replaced and then dislocating them both.

    Unfortunately she died last June aged 99&10 months, so she certainly had a good innings.

    I had to do all the arranging etc but at least my flare kindly waited till the day after her funeral!

    Thinking of you

    Carolyn xx

  • Thanks so much x

  • Sorry sorry to hear your sad news. Take care of yourself.

  • Thanks for thinking of us Craw X

  • Sorry to hear your news A. Try and rest when you can. Xxxxx

  • I will but got lots of meetings etc now but then it will all be sorted X

  • So sorry to learn of your mother I. Law's death Allanah. You've been so closely involved in her care that it will be hard and the flare is almost inevitable I suppose. Thinking about you and yours - lots of love Twitchy xx

  • Thanks T , I'm still running about sorting certificates, emptied ( using a hose clearance service) the house. Hubby had to go to big meetings but in getting on with it . X

  • Been there with my own parents - my dad died 12 years ago yesterday. Make sure you look after yourself throughout A - it's too easy to put your own needs on hold. X

  • My dad is 24 yrs on Dec 23 rd and it's still hard. I'm ok just tired but trying to support hubby and kids as its more of a relief to me than anything .

  • My thoughts are with you


  • My thoughts are with you and your family. It's so hard when you are grieving for the person you have lost, but have a tremendous sense of relief at the same time. It's how I felt when my mother died, and I felt so guilty. Further down the road, I realise that a large part of the relief was that my mother wasn't suffering any more. In fact, she had died as I knew her a year before the event. I was so grateful that she didn't have any more pain or indignity.

    So don't beat yourself up about it, noone deserves prolonged suffering, and I am sure she would have understood why you felt that.

    Do make sure that you leave a bit of time for yourself, whille you are busily supporting the rest of the family. Mavis xxx

  • Thanks Mavis, I think you summed it up magnificently , thanks x

  • You have all my sympathy - my dad died 8 weeks ago and the funeral etc was down to me. I was ok for that two weeks but as soon as I got home I went into a massive flare - the worst I've had! It hasn't been improved by many trips up and down the motorway to sort out my mum who has sight and hearing issues! Hey ho, tomorrow's another day! Thank goodness I retired in July.

  • Sorry about your loss and that happened to us, been looking after m I l since her husband divorced her and she was always ill do it's been hard here too.

    Good luck on your trips it's very hard X

  • Hi I missed this post just wanted to offer my condolences to you and family. X

  • Thanks so much , funeral Thursday xx

  • I hope it goes well as a funeral can and that you are okay. I understand about relief, it's hard to say it but sometimes the reality for your loved ones is so hard to witness. Love to you x

  • Thanks so much X

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