After 2 years of being diagnosed with ra and quite an up and downy ride with it, I've been thinking a lot about how its changed my life of late. One of the biggest changes is that I spend a lot more of my time feeling guilty nowadays.
I've always been a bit of a perfectionist - I'm a consultant psychologist, I used to run a difficult unit, I enjoy doing nice things for my friends and my lovely husband and I like living in a nice house. until I developed the ra, I juggled all those balls with only the occasional fumble. Nowadays I feel like I'm juggling with one hand behind my back and I keep dropping those balls. I still work, I still try to do nice things for people and I still try to stay on top of my home but I'm running to catch up. I cancel on Friends far too often, have a back garden that's more of a nature reserve and spend far too much time in work apologising for time off, etc.
I know I need to adjust my standards, I know my friends are understanding and I know the cats love the new playground out the back but I haven't yet learned to adjust to the sense of guilt that accompanies every apology for canceling or the sense of failure that accompanies noticing the dust bunnies under my bed. I just wonder if other people have experienced other similar issues with adjusting - I think we're all aware of the physical adjustments but I'm not sure anyone prepares us at the point of diagnoses for the mental adjustments we might need to make.