Has anyone experienced marital or relationship problems following a diagnosis of RA?

[Maeruby1]

I have been diagnosed with RA for approx 6 months and have been struggling with the day to day jobs, work, housework, looking after children etc. my husband has recently had to do a lot more around the house. He has just announced that he has had enough and leaving me! I am beside myself on how I will cope. Any advice welcome.

[cathie]

I'm so sorry to read this. RA does put huge strain on any relationship and is a big test. Is your husband's decision a final one? - there are all sorts of questions around this which you may prefer to keep private.

Hard to make any suggestion as to what to do. I think I would look at my own circumstances, who you can lean on. Do you have understanding friends? Its important that they understand certain things about RA. Like how it might not be that visible, you may need to pace yourself and cancel meetings, just look after yourself.

A lot depends on things like how old your children are, how understanding is your work. Can you afford to pay for domestic help? There's a lot to deal with. So, I'd go to GP for support too but also see if you can get some counselling. That might help you to prioritise things to do. I'd definitely make sure that your doctors (including rheumatologists) know what is going on as there may be implications for your stress levels which can make RA worse.

Its a terrible situation to be in, I'm so very sorry for you and I'm sure many others on this site will think of more practical things

[Hidden]

Hi Maeruby,

So sorry to hear that. At NRAS we did a survey on RA and Relationships and created a book of the findings which showed how big an impact RA has on family life and relationships and showed how. I hope this might be a comfort to you and you can download or order it at nras.org.uk/help_for_you/pu... as it might

You can also call our Helpline team if you need to talk on 0800 298 7650. I hope things will improve and wish you all the best.

Ruth Grosart

NRAS

[claireyj]

You poor thing so sorry to hear that , stay strong you will muddle through and your kids will defo keep u goin sending you lots of love xx

[Hidden]

Hi, I'm really sorry that you're having to deal with this at such an already difficult time. From personal experience I would say - just take life a day at a time; don't make any big decisions in a hurry; confide in a close friend or relative for support; and know that however awful things seems just now they will get better and you will survive it whether together or apart:-}

Keep posting and asking questions on this forum, you're not alone.

Cece x

[Kittykatxxxxx]

Omg he has left you after 6 months of this? Whaaaaaat?! Heaven help him if something happens to him. So sorry to hear this. Not everyone is like this. In fact some people are happy to help their loved one. It does put a strain on marriage/ relationships etc but I am surprised he is that weak he has left you after 6 months xx

[miss]

Hi so very sorry to hear this. Be strong and you will get though this sending you a hug xxx

[chemar]

it is hard to put up with this disease and keep functioning "normal" bless you, you have us here on this site if anytime u need a few shoulders to cry on. take care michelle x

[Trulyfedup]

Oh darling, I am so sorry to hear this but he can't have much of a back bone after just 6months. As someone has already said surround yourself with good, kind family and friends, take one day at a time and you will be surprised at how strong you probably are. I've been there and it seems like life will never be good again but it will be....very easy for me to say I know but I can remember people saying the same to me...with me thinking "oh shut up you don't know how I feel" but it will get better and keep your good understanding people near to you and go to CAB they will help you with the legal side of it...I wish you well and keep in contact with all your friends on this site.x

[jeanabelle]

Truly is right.....you think your world has come to an end at the minute, but it will get better. It happened to me too. My partner of seven years walked out on me after nine months. I was waiting to get on biologicals at the time and in horrendous pain.....those nine months were probably the worst time of my life.....on many occasions I just wanted to be dead....I have no children living with me so I was left on my own. UN like you I didn't have children or work to deal with, I'm retired.

This will pass and as others have said you will get through it and you will be all the stronger for it. My relationship ended two years ago on November 1st.....it will be a turning point for me and I am starting to look forward to a new kind of life again. I have my disease under control and I'm glad I didn't die......

You are going throughout a really awful time in your life.....dealing with your illness on top of your husbands cowardly actions it a shocking thing to be left with. You have lots of good advice on here.....take it. Go to see your GP. Confide in someone.....she how your feeling.....cry roar and shout out your anger and frustration if you need to....but it will pass and you are young.....you will get your life back again......it may be different but that doesn't mean it can't be a good one.

All the very best to you.....I'll be thinking of you as many on here will be. XXX

[Dotty7]

I won't post what I think of your husband. Least said soonest mended and all that. I agree with what others have said: you WILL get through this with support from people around you, both in the online and the offline worlds. Ask your GP for support - I saw a counsellor via my GP and she was excellent at helping me to see my way through the way my life was changing. In the end you will be able to organise your life to suit yourself, but it's hard work while it's happening. Keep chatting to us in here, talk to the CAB about where you stand legally, and remember that RA is tough but you are tougher.

Big hugs,

Dotty xxx

[rubydav]

I had been suffering with r a for 2 years until I found this site. The communities on this site will keep you strong, My children keep me going no matter what the day brings. Keep going it will get better in time.

[Maeruby1]

Thanks for all your lovely replies x

[Adelaide1]

I am shocked by this and feel for you...I don't understand why your illness means that your husband should leave not only you , but also the children...

What a weak person he sounds.

Maybe you are better off without him.

I wish you well and hope that you find a way to cope.

[flow4]

I was about to comment and then noticed that this thread is a couple of years old. I wonder how you are doing now Maeruby, if you are still around...?

[Liane87]

From my own experience: it may be that he has been afraid to speak about the strain that he has felt from his side, it is difficult for partners as they feel a bit useless when we are in agony and feeling miserable, his announcement to up and leave may just be a pressure valve going off. It may be that you both need some time out from each other, work out if this is indeed the cause of the relationship problems and possibly how to get through it together. X

[keeta]

Hi love really sorry to hear your bad news .but we change with r/a.we try to come to terms with it and carry on as normal .but fatigue gets us and everything seems so hard to manage.but with good medication you will eventually feel better then you do now .and with your lovely family.you will see light at the end of the tunnel. And as far as your husband is concerned .what comes around goes around. Keep intouch love.x

[teenieturner]

This makes me so angry..whatever happened to in sickness and in health. My husband was diagnosed with Parkinson's in 2002 aged 43 it was a major shock to us he's just had Deep Brain Stimulation which has helped with the tremor but has also bought on personality changes some not nice. I have looked after him daily it's not been easy and i do feel like his carer and friend rather than his wife. I suffer from RA & OA bit try to hide my pain,the fatigue takes its toll on me.I find it very lonely as every asks how he is, is he well,hows he coping, but i married for the long haul and whatever life throws at us i know we will cope. I have 6 children 2 at home who I'm afraid i mothered a bit too much so are not very domesticated,the brunt of everything is down to me. I hope your husband has a change of heart,no one wants to be burden and if he can't take on a bit more responsibility not only for you but for your children,you will end up with a lot more stress than you deserve and bitter towards each other. I try to think positively even on the days my body is screaming in pain i won't let it govern me. Keep posting as you have friends here to help and advise.Every cloud has a silver lining,you've got this.x

[Autumn1970]

It really hurts me to hear about your news. The same thing happened to me. Divorce. I hope that he changes his mind. It really is a hard illness and it's hard enough for us to go through the adjustments and then for someone to leave.... that is really too much. I do understand the loss. Best wishes and hugs

[KittyJ in reply to Autumn1970]

Autumn this post is 8 years old so you may not get a reply.