I've been quiet for a while as I let the methotrexate and enbrel soak in, and knock on wood, it's doing wonders!! It's only been a month, and I am feeling really good. I am also weaning off the predisone (I swear it makes me crankier than usual). Coming off the predisone has left my hands a bit sore. I think the methotrexate gives me a dull headache and leaves me more tired than usual. But I feel so good otherwise, it's easy to ignore. I had no idea how badly I was feeling until I realized how good it feels to feel normal!
So I have suddenly found myself with all the spoons I could possibly need. And I have been using them with abandon! Part of me wants to quell my manic self from running at 110%, but the rest of me says use it and love it while I've got it because who knows how long it will last. I have found the world full of ordinary miracles. I can walk to work in 13 minutes. I can bounce up three flights of stairs. I can hold a pen. I can focus on my work all day long. I can come home and play with kids and do stuff and not just crash on the couch and stare at the tv for hours. I feel much more like my old do-it-all self. WAHOO!
Isn't this how life should be? We hear it all the time: "You only live once." "Life's too short." But when it's literally "Do it today because tomorrow you might not be physically able to do so," life takes a very different color.
I am a different person than I was six months ago. What a difference is a life that is appreciated! I love going to work everyday. That is miraculous. I appreciate that I can walk down to work with a spring in my step. I can walk! I appreciate that I can climb stairs. I take the stairs wherever I can. I get up early and walk to work. I work late and walk home, inhaling fresh crisp spring air. I walk home and play with kids, swing babies, fold laundry. I've been known to run the dishwasher once or twice of late.
But even I have limits. This weekend I was tired. Today I relaxed, went for a long drive through the woods to the ocean just to breathe the cold salty air. My four year old, thrilled that winter is finally showing it's age and spring is on the way, is full of joy. "Mommy, I see GRASS! Spring is coming! Mommy, I see a BUSH! Spring is coming!! Mommy, when will I see FLOWERS?" Springtime is a miracle. The quiet joy in the car full of my family was a miracle. Life is a miracle, whatever shape, size, ability or limitations it comes with.
"When you wake up everyday, please don't throw your dreams away.Hold them close to your heart, 'Cause we're all a part of the ordinary miracle." - Sarah McLachlan