Trying to keep rage at a simmer.

It has been a while since I have posted alone without piggybacking, but I need to vent. I hate almost everything right now. I cannot stand coworkers, equipment, house stuiff keeps breaking, truck making weird noises, boss not returning calls so I can deal with getting replacement stuff... Arrrrgh. I am in such a fog, so hungry and having to swat craves like flies as they keep buzzing near. I found 15 minutes solace on my longboard while cruising to work. Still another two hours before I can ride home. My boots are filthuy, my eyes lathargic, my brain spinning towards violence. I cannot wait to make it past week three. You would think this would be enough to never puff again, but I have been trying forever. Been here since 2007, embarrasing with my fails. I will not say anything about my future, but know this... I am proud of everyone who is not smoking today. I am proud of myself for not smoking today. Nothing will make me think different or go buy a pack today. I breathe today on my own terms. Phew, latest crave has passed.. Cheers everyone.

Vike

14 Replies

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  • Hey Vike,

    Vent away. That's what's great about this place. We don't judge you, we have /will all be in that situation at one time or another. I haven't had that privilege as of yet, but I'm sure it will appear soon enough. I've been simmering away, but not boiling. You're probably cursing at me right now...feel free. Curse away, get it all out, get past another craving and move forward thinking "another one down, I'm ready for the next."

    We understand you. Your boss probably doesn't. Your old smoking buddies sure as hell don't. Maybe, nobody you know directly does. That's why we're here.

    I probably haven't helped you much, but I hope that it's better than nothing.

    Stay strong my friend. If you feel like caving in, come back here and read some posts instead, it's how I'm surviving.

  • Don't worry Keith, You are curse free my friend. Reading posts works to a point, but the odd time I have to let my fingers do the yelling or risk people wondering why my mouth is frothing while my body shakes as I stammer about yelling at bricks and manholes. I work mostly outside, amongst a bunch of smokers, so that doesn't help much. I keep my reasons for quitting close, and have this forum one button touch away on my phone for worst case scenarios. I am staying strong today, and not smoking, no matter what. I can't wait to find the covers when I get home so I can put in some heavy explosion movie and escape for a bit before snoozing away. Tomorrow is always different in some way, and I will meet that when I wake up. Today is a wonderful fresh air day, despite the annoyances. Good for you for staying strong too man,

    Thanks, Vike.

  • Hope you're hanging in there.... this stage of the quit sucks big time, it's the reason I don't allow myself to smoke again as I don't think I could go through it again. Stick with it and you'll never have to again, either..... one thought I had was that smoking really depletes us on so many levels and most smokers and early ex smokers are super vitamin deficient and I think that's at least one reason we feel so off.... magnesium deficiency is huge, too, its a great mineral that causes the body to relax.... I've found that magnesium oil applied to skin gets you the quickest benefits.... maybe google it and find out more. Either way, your body will get back into balance, just takes time, maybe you can help things along by supporting your body with some vitamins, good nutrition, and exercise.... I know, when you feel crappy the last thing you want to hear is to exercise but I bet it would help. Good luck Vike, every day it gets easier.

  • Hang in there

    Sorry to hear you are having a bad day, but you are doing so well by not giving in when you are feeling like this. Its a long hard journey to beat the habit of smoking but it will be worth it and it does get easier. Keep coming back to the forum, it helps alot and vent away in here. KEEP POSITIVE YOU ARE DOING SOOOO WELL !!

  • I hate almost everything right now. I cannot stand coworkers, equipment, house stuiff keeps breaking, truck making weird noises, boss not returning calls so I can deal with getting replacement stuff... Arrrrgh. I am in such a fog, so hungry and having to swat craves like flies as they keep buzzing near. Vike

    Hiya Vike, sorry to hear you're having a hard time - I've felt like this before where everything & everyone gets on my nerves (I was even muting the adverts on tv, when peoples voices were annoying me :eek:) Please keep going, you're doing so well & if you take each day at a time before you know it you'll have done a month, then another etc...

    I'm sick of giving up & starting again, and at my age (47) the longer I put it off the more damage will be done - I already have early stage lung damage that's why no matter how bad it gets or how crap I feel I'm not giving in this time because all the problems, stress & anger will still be there whether I'm smoking or not.

    You can do this, think positive & stay stronger than the evil stick,

    Denise x

  • Applauds!

    I applaud Viking and Keith and Bella ... why? Cuz by reading Viking's rants I felt normal too and better and I was even chuckling inside. (I have a very warped and sarcastic sense of humour) I sure get it ... man wouldn't it be wonderful to just REALLY SAY HOW WE FEEL TO SOMEONE and throw in a brick for good measure? LOL. It is so true, I come here and read what others go through and feel I'm not alone. Today is day 3/4 for me and will be heading to work this afternoon -another location than the regular place which again makes it a 'test'. Soooooooo ......... yikes .... let's see how I pass that test today. Take care all and good luck on today. And Viking? I think you and I would have a hoot hurling insults. Yo mama yaknowwhatimeanbud?

  • Hi Vike, I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. I should be glad it is affecting me completely the opposite. I am so tired all the time and even going to sleep in the afternoon. I am sleeping 8 -9 hours every night and falling asleep as soon as I turn out the light. Normally I toss and turn and can't fall asleep.

    They tell us all these things will pass and I do hope so. Hope you have a better day today.

  • Thanks for the kind replies everyone. It is nice that I am 4 hours behind, as I get to read lots of new posts when I wake up. Sometimes a bit lonely on here before sleep haha. Well, here starts another day, with new challenges, new annoyances and inevitably new people to scowl at. I will not smoke today either... No matter if it is a good day or bad one. Congrats to you all for breathing free! They haven't had me comitted yet, so O mist ne in a small amount of controll still.

    Vike

  • Must be nice to find all the posts waiting for you. Lucky I don't wake up early so there are usually a couple before me. I'm going to my group meeting tonight if I can stay awake for it :-)

  • Today is a little bit better than yesterday. It is so weird how every day brings something new to the list of things I deal with. Today was sore throat and saliva day! I guess I am beyond surprise by now. Slight headache, small amount of rage, very lathargic today. Not smoking looks good on all of us!

    Vike

  • Mechanic at work drives past me today, yells "holy *@*+", if you get any bigger I'll have to get you a moo moo. I am fully aware I have gained a lot of weight in the past year or so. I bit my lip, did a little dance as he drove off. I chalk this up to a win as I didn't erupt, no matter how bad I am feeling about the comment now.. And I am sure it was a crappy attempt at humour, so not going to have him reprimanded or anythoing... Just makes me feel down. But I will stick to my guns... I am not smoking today. He is a smoker with breath like death.. The worst kind of smoker... So I immediatly turned my thoughts to being smug that I am no longer feeding my addiction. I'd rather be temporarily fat and free than live under nicotines rules. I will lose the weight, I will not smoke, I will be calm and collected, no matter what anybody says or does. Time and time again I will be tested.. But this time I will pass every time.

  • You'll lose the weight as soon as your mind is not so preoccupied with smoking, don't feel down about it.... it's part of quitting for the vast majority. You got the right attitude, keep on going, and when you're all fit and in shape, and free from nicotine, you can pay him a visit and call him smelly sucker ;)

  • Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out....

    Poor Viking! I hear ya! My house mate waved a cigarette at my face earlier and asked if anyone wanted a smoke....I'm on day 13 of cold turkey quitting and I swear to god she is lucky to still have a home to sleep in!! She just thought it was funny but she has no idea how close I was to slapping her face!! And then she asked me if I got bitten last night as my face is covered in spots! IM GONNA KILL HER!!!

    My skin has erupted with boils, my tongue has an ulcer, I breathe like Im scuba diving, I feel like I've put on a stone in chocolate and I hate the whole world.

    But at least I don't stink of cigarettes! :D

    Good luck peeps, we can do it!!!

  • I wonder if that's why so many people fail when they try to quit smoking. Some of the side effects are just horrible. I am determined to quit but I can imagine if I didn;t have this sheer force of determination behind me that I would probably choose smoking over all of the horrible alternatives, including nearly all which you have listed above steel.

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