Hardest Day Yet

Day 4 – not feeling so good today. Feel quite strong in my head but had a very difficult start. I ride a motorbike into London each day on the M40. This morning there was an accident and they closed the road. Being on a bike I weaved my way to the front of the queue where I joined all the other bikers who had done the same. Everyone was out of their cars/bikes and just a few meters ahead was the body of a biker. Not entirely sure what happened but it was all a bit grim and everyone was being very patient and quiet. Apart from the idiot who felt the need to get out his phone walk up to the body and film it.

Now traditionally I would of course, have reached for the smokes. But today there were no smokes. Instead I had to wait 1 hour until they finally removed the body whilst at the same time being completely surrounded by people who were, quite understandably smoking. All I could see was a body in the road and people smoking. The whole thing was quite surreal.

I resisted the urge to ask someone for a smoke and instead squirted Nicorette into my mouth. But it’s been hard today and I feel so tired.

I think I’ll be ok and get through it as it’s almost the end of the day and my resolve still feels strong. But I am finding the afternoons particularly hard and the tiredness is particularly difficult.

I suppose if having to stare at a dead body for 45 minutes didn’t break me I’m doing reasonably well.

5 Replies

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  • Oh my, how awful!

    Not sure what to say but I'm sure others far more eloquent than I will find the right words.

    Well done you for staying so strong in such desperate circumstances. Thoughts are with you fella...

  • Yeah I must be honest the whole thing shocked me. I still can't quite believe it.

    Aside from not actually asking anyone for a smoke, seeing a body in the road from a fallen biker when I myself ride a bike always jolts you. (not that I've seen many bodies before). Indeed I end up thinking smoking is probably far less dangerous than riding a bike.

    Now I've got to ride home. :eek:

    Anyway - I'm still feeling ok about it all and have no current plans to stop and buy smokes. :)

  • And I logged on because I thought that I had had a bad day ..

    That's a trigger that could, and probably would, rattle most people who are WELL into their quit. I think most of us can identify with how 'easy' it would have been to use such a dreadful experience as an excuse to smoke.

    So a huge well done for keeping your head in a place which allowed you to realise that it would do absolutely no good whatsoever to set fire to a bit of tobacco. I am definitely having one of those days when I could oh so easily have 'just the one', to get me over a crap day. Which is why I have logged on. So thank you for sharing.

    x

  • That must've been horrid for you and everyone.

    Safe home fella. Very glad such an upsetting thing didnt crack your resolve. Hope hope hope it stays that way.

    We take a risk with many things in life. The harm we inflict upon ourselves by smoking though, is much less of a risk and more of certainty. We may not see it lying in the road in such a horrific shocking way.....but its no less real.

    Poor fella.

  • What a dreadfull and desperately sad start to a day :( That persons family and friends lives changed today for the worst and sadly we cannot change that. You though are changing your life for the better ;)

    Gaynor

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