Hi there everyone, and HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Well, I'm into my third week, but for the last three days or so I seem to be wanting to smoke more so than earlier in my quit. It's not too much of a problem though I've just needed to use my inhaler a bit more. And I know why it's happening:
I'm still waiting to see my councellor on Wednesday, but I've been bringing myself down again -- I think my worrying about the impact of smoking on my health has got out of hand. I need to admit that it's become a real obsession. I should be over the moon that I've quit. I should be happy. But I'm not. I can't seem to get rid of this awful, morbid obsession. And I feel REALLY guilty about it. If I don't get a grip, it's going to ruin my quality of life.
I think about it ALL the time. It hits me in the morning as soon as I wake-up. I spend ALL day trawling through the internet reading all sorts of horrible stuff. I can't concentrate on anything else. Then I go back to bed and can't wait to go to sleep. I've been sleeping A LOT more than normal. It's only when I'm asleep I stop thinking about it. It's the only time I get any peace.
In a way, I think that quitting has brought this problem of mine to the forefront. I think I was caught in a 'catch 22' of denial that enabled me to shrug-off my fears --to put them to the back of my mind. I'll try to explain: Before, when I wanted a smoke, I'd just do it. But now, if I think about smoking, I have to comfront those fears because they are the very reason that I WON'T smoke. So it makes it more difficult in a way. Does that make any sence at all? My God -- I'm really worried I may be going mad!
I really hope my councellor can help me. But, at the very least, I certainly realise that quitting is the best thing in the world that I can do.
My quit's going quite well, but I'm not in a very healthy state of mind at the moment. Maybe it's just a mid-life crisis? Maybe I'm just coming to terms with life and I'm growing-up? It's very possible.
Perhaps I should join a mental health forum -- I'm not sure if these problems are really relative here. :confused:
Anyhow, I'm still very positive about my quit.