I feel compelled to post this. I'm a long term quitter. I quit using patches and educating myself by using this forum. I'm pretty solid in my quit with only a few niggles now and then.

My husband quit cold turkey, two months after me. With no support forum and no education other than my occasional ramblings.

Some people who know me will have read of him going down the 'occasional' route some months ago. It shook my quit to begin with and then I settled down, however, recently, I had started to think occasionally that if he could be so successful at a 'just one if i've had a drink' then maybe it was something that a smoker could do.

How exciting, my addict brain stated!

Happily the 'no' i've trained myself to say stayed stuck.

This week I found the secret fag wrappers. The clothes snuck at the bottom of the washing basket, the increased use of chewing gum. I finally got the truth from my lovely man. Its not just one occasionally. Its not full on either, but its escalated. As it always does with the 'just one mentallity'. Not just with a drink. And using the drink as an excuse to smoke. And a couple in the daytime occasionally.

At the end of the day its his life. I love him. I'm worried about the impact on our finances if he starts again and i've implored him to consider quitting before it gets too hard.

I suppose the message is this. Patches, gum, inhalators, champix, cold turkey are all just ways to quit. NRT and tablets give you a leg up if you need it. But, for a successful long term quit its all about education. Teaching yourself how to say no. Learning and telling yourself every day why you quit in the first place and not being afrad to ask from help and advice at the first sign of a relapse.


Pure (well re the smoking anyway!) and free and a bit sad but all right really.

10 Replies

  • Sorry to hear that Fi

    Sorry to hear that Fi, very impressed you've stayed quit though, I agree with you about education and I'm glad I've quit, I also need to remember that if I do have a fag I will start again, I know myself and really can't bare quitting again so'd rather not smoke again instead.


  • Excellent reminder and a very worthwhile point Fi.

    I live with an evening smoker ............ the temptation to the odd smoke can be high at times (summer evenings especially) and yes, a part of me would like to think I could occasionally smoke but I know I can't do that and I have to remain totally smoke free.

    Hope your OH gets his head around quitting again..... health first but yes, also finances ... both are a big implication.

    Nice one Fi...... it's one I'll be popping back now and again to read.

  • Hi Fi,

    Firstly, well done you for staying so strong on your quit. You are so right, education is the key. Things are easier to deal with I think if you have some knowledge as to the why's & where fors (sp) of it all.

    I am sorry your oh has started again but hope he will soon be able to get back on his quit.

    My failure this time was not even due to the 'just one' syndrome it was a complete crash in, well everything. I know have to go through all the emotions of getting my self back on a quit & then doing it. This time I will do it cold turkey. Can't afford fags or patches at the mo lol.

    Anyway Fi, stay strong, lead your oh by the hand like you have done for so many of us here.

    Huge hugz,

    Gaynor xx

  • Sorry to hear that, Fi...... I hope he finds it within himself to turn it around soon and get back to his quit. You know, we struggled so much initially and I think that really helps us now to keep saying no.... I remember your man didn't struggle much and in a way he probably doesn't fear the fags as much as we do. He should watch out though, next time he quits may not be as easy!

    I am of course very happy you have remained smoke free through it all and I have no doubt you'll stay that way. I also have no doubt that your OH will soon resume his quit, so don't be sad.... it is his life and he'll have to find that internal switch/motivation himself, my advice, don't push him too hard.... I bet watching you be a calm and content non-smoker will be enough to turn things around!


    your quit buddy xxxxxxxxxx

  • Totally agree with you, the secret is learning how to say no and educating yourself well enough to do so. This forum is an enormous help.

    I understand where you are coming from with the oh, :rolleyes: the odd one has now become several a day and imo if you light up when you feel stressed...you are a smoker full stop. What i find frustrating is trying to give encouragement and getting snapped at. I mean why bother? :p

  • Thanks for the support and replies. Its hard sometimes not giving in. Pol, you do a sterling job of living with a smoker!! Fallen Angel, you too! Husband finally admitted it through text, not out and out questioning. I think i come across as a cross mother when I try and tackle it face to face and he becomes the caught out rebellious teenager! I hope he makes the move to quit properly soon, i'll be interested in how he manages for the two weeks we are in France in mid July.

    Gaynor, you will get there. You know its doable, you just need to arm yourself with lots of woofmang logic!!

    I may need to hover on here for a while, its still a place I come to reafirm my quit even 17 odd months down the line.

    Love fi xxxx (bells, surely you out to be out of retirement by now! How was yoga??)

  • Hiya Fi love. Strange things happen to us addicts don't they, nice caring people turn into devious selfish people, we have to be like that to be able to carry on feeding the addiction in secret (or so we think). Hopefully he'll be ready soon to give it another go. Well done you though, it would have been dead easy to have said "Balls then, if that's what he wants, I'll have some too". You have never stopped supporting people on here, and I'm sure you'll never stop supporting Andy. Love, Token. xxx

  • Morning Fi I seem to have missed being able to support any one this weekend. It was MIL 82cnd Birthday so have been kept busy busy busy, couple of time when I saw someone light up the thought crossed my mind, but like you I know that there is no way I could even have one puff and not want more, I see myself as a lifelong addict and I am glad to say I except this situation now and can never smoke again.

    I always wonder how people can do it, but you see so often that they can’t, they just try to kid us into believing that they only have one now and again and then we find out they are smoking more and more, I am glad you found out, as that has now probably taken from your mind the thought that if he can have the occasional cig maybe you could and now you know he couldn’t, let’s hope he can pull his quit back for his sake and yours, you stay strong and hope he will follow suit x

  • Fi

    a thought popped into my head as I read your reply, has he told you in case he caves whilst you're away on your hols? Therefore "creating" an allowance of his smoking?

    You've done fantastic and you always post interesting stuff, onwards and upwards.


  • Don't let this get to you

    Hello Fi

    The one thing I have learnt is to be proud of what you have done, because I bet your O/H is mad at having went back on the fags.

    My wife is still smoking and on occassions has told me how proud she is that I have stopped smoking, but has she tried to stop to possibly help me to stop? No. I had an occasion in my early stop when my wife came into the car and started smoking and I stopped the car and had an argument about her lack of consideration by smoking in the confined area (some support for my quit attempt) however I have learnt that people will only stop smoking when they want to stop so if your o/h is back on the fags don't be angry with him but don't let it be an excuse for you to smoke.


    Stopped: 18-Dec - 2009 after 35 years smoking

    How: CT

    Age: 55

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