Those 4 cigarettes that I told you all about lead to me going back to between 3-10 a day..
So I'm starting again, I really am determined.. but my efforts were hampered somewhat - partly my fault and partly the fault of circumstance and a new contraceptive I started taking..
On the 20/06 I started to take a new contraceptive pill called Cerazette.. It gave me a murderous temper as well as intense anxiety and feelings of panic (well documented side effects) and also affected my breastmilk and passed to my 12 week old and lead to one VERY cranky, fussy baby who just would NOT stop crying and wasn't feeding very well... which resulted in massive weightloss for him.
On top of that - my 6 year old son is an absolutel nightmare - to the point where myselfa nd my boyfriend have approached his father to take care of him full time and we only have him on weekends..
He is absolutely digusting, he refuses to do absolutely everything and has a negative reaction to everything. Asking him to do something as small as put his shoes on or brush his teeth results in a 30 minute long tantrum - and I mean the full works, screaming, crying, flaining his arms around, refusing to move, throwing himself about, screaming, kicking. These aren't just one offs, we deal with about 5 or 6 of these a day as absolutely EVERYTHING under the god damned sun sets him off and we also recieve a constant torrent of verbal abuse of this small child.
We are constantly referred to as 'Dumb F-word idiots' (he actually says it how it reads as he hasn't yet got the balls to fully swear at us, but it's only a matter of time..) and always screams how much he hates us and how we all hate him since the baby has been born and how he wishes he was dead etc.. We want him to go to his dads for his own mental health, he needs one-on-one care and we just can't provide that at home with us because we have our 12 week old to take care of..
He is also destructive beyond belief - constantly breaking things, writing on things, throwing and smashing things off ground etc.. we just can't deal with it and I am so scared in case his behaviour rubs off on my youngest as I could not deal with TWO children with this severe attitude...
I have use all my control and will power upon not beating the living daylights out of him - seriously..
It might seem like a cop-out but we just don't know what else to do with him, we both, myself and Himself, love him A LOT but he makes it SO hard for us.. It makes us feel absolutely AWFUL to think we're confirming his unwarranted belief that we don't want him and we hate him by sending him to his dads to live, but it seems the best for all concerned as he doesn't act like this with him..
Ugh, so anyway, my weak will, my adverse reaction to Cerazette, my babys adverse reaction to Cerazette, my 6 year olds appalling attitude and behaviour.. GIVE ME A CIGARETTE!!!!
I KNOW it doesnt help the situation and only serves to get me more agitated, though sneakily feeling like it's calming me down - but I've just ALWAYS associated having a fag with taking 10 minutes out, by myself in my garden to chill out.. - I'm sure many of you can empathise..
Hmph..:confused:
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I am so sorry to hear of your relapse but well done for being determined to start again remember we'll all be here for you when you're ready
Also sorry to hear about all those problems you have at the moment
I'm not even going to try and advice you on them not to be nasty I just am not qualified for it
Just one little thing comes to mind and may well not be relevant at all but was your 6 year old like this before you had the baby I'm wondering if this could be simple jealousy on his part as I say just a thought and maybe I should just not have said anything
Sorry you are having a nightmare of a time at the moment.
I am no more qualified than Marge but do you have a health visitor as you still have a young baby you could talk to. Sounds like classic jealousy of a new babe in the family. Failing that your GP??
Yeah, Jake had 'anger issues' before Zach arrived, though he's now at an all time low following Zachs arrival..
Haviong already spoken to my Health Visitor on a number of ocassions she suggested more one on one time with Jake - so we go swimming once a week and we also do our back garden together - watering the plants and planting new plants and measuring them growing, as well as going to the coast once a week for an ice-cream and walk along the sea front AND bedtime reading..
He's fine while we do these things, but as soon as they are over he's back to his completely unreasonable behaviours and outbursts and tantrums and verbal assaults..
I think we're (myself and his dad, my ex) going to look into a child psychologist as, in my opinion, the words 'I should just kill myself' - certainly are not wordss that should be coming out of the mouth of a 6 year old child, even if he IS jealous about his new brothers arrival...
Either way, we need to seek professional help of some sort, even if it means I Have to invite social services into my life - I pay my taxes so I might as well use all of the resources available to me eh?
We're just at a loss really, he doesn't get smacked or physically chastised - unless it's MAJOR no, and thats very infrequent. He does, however, get hurt when we try to restrain him for his OWN safety when he's in one of black tantrums and throws himself about and tries to damage things...
Developmentally, he's excelling academically, so I don't think it's necessarily any kind of mental-health issue such as autism or ADHD, then again, I'm not a qualified doctor, so how should I know.
I just know he's a 6 year old, VERY intelligent boy who's acting like a teenager.. I'm just dreading when he is a teenager, I fear for my OWN safety when he's big enough to physically over power me, especially with that foul temper he seems ot have inherited off me :[
I think we're (myself and his dad, my ex) going to look into a child psychologist as, in my opinion, the words 'I should just kill myself' - certainly are not wordss that should be coming out of the mouth of a 6 year old child, even if he IS jealous about his new brothers arrival...
Either way, we need to seek professional help of some sort, even if it means I Have to invite social services into my life - I pay my taxes so I might as well use all of the resources available to me eh?
:[
Hi Emma,
Was thinking along those lines myself but hardly the thing to suggest to someone you don't know. I had some problems with my eldest about that age but not as bad as what you are going through.
I hope you all get the help & support that you obviuosly need.
Oh Emma sorry you're having a rough time of it. I can't give any advice cos I don't have kids. As for not smoking, just keep at the quit. I'm definatly less stressed without the smokes.
I am sorry.....don't give up on quitting or your 6 year old
I am so sorry you are having a hard time with quitting and with your 6 year old. I have 4 boys 8 and under.....I know that when my 4th arrived my second was so hard to deal with...he was three at the time. I started telling him I knew how hard having another brother around was and how he must feel left out sometimes. It took a lot of patience but he was hurting terribly. Defintely try to give your 6 year old some time with just you and also let him know he needs to behave for you to be able to spend alone time with him....and you so desperately want to. I have had my eldest say things about not wanting to be alive.........and I have had to have talks about how much it hurts me to hear him talk that way and how precious life is.
Please keep trying to quit.......and please don't push your little guy away he needs you and needs to know he still very important to you. I know it is hard...believe me I have my days!! I do miss my 10 minutes in the garage for a time out and a smoke...now I come to this site and chew a piece of nicorett for a time out. Deep breathing and hypnosis has really...really helped calm my nerves too.
Hi Emma, i have just read your posts and i feel for you going through this tough time.
I have four children age 15, 14, 4 and 3. When my last child was born my son who was only 18 mths at the time had a very hard time adjusting to the new baby and although he was a lot younger than your son he too had been difficult before i had the baby.
I was finding things difficult and approached my health visitor, i can honestly say it was the best thing i did, i received lots of advice and help and took on board all the little things which were suggested to me and eventually i was able to change the situation and i became so much more positive which then spread through to the children
I dont know whether anything i say might help you but sometimes it helps to take a step back and look at things through the eyes of the child.
At 6 years old, from what you say he seems to have a lot of anger and feel unloved, this might be for any reason and an health visitor would be able to point you in the right direction to get him some help with these issues, but until you can get some help sorted there are little things that might make a small differance.
I find now, even with my older children that positive attention works so much better than negative, i now praise my children when i know they are trying, helping or working hard at school or even just because they are being good, but when they start playing up i try to ignore them (i know this can be so hard) but unless they are in danger it does work.
My little girl who is now 3 has the most terrible tantrum every morning when she has to get ready and it can last for ages, but if i ignore her and get on with other things she stops much quicker.
Your son might feel very mixed up, he is only young and having a new baby around who demands a lot of attention must be hard for him, could he not help with things such as fetching nappies, or singing a song to the baby in reward for a sticker or a special story with you, if he becomes involved in the care of the baby he might not feel left out and it will help to bond the two children together.
im sorry if my posts is long, and i hope ive not offended you, but whatever you choose to do please take time to think through your decision and do what is best for all of you, take care, x
Woah - I'm not suggesting I'd 'get rid' of my 6 year old to sucessfully quit! Heck, it's not even his fault my quit failed - noone fault but my own, I know this.. I just meant he was one of the reasons why *I* gave in - but just one of many reasons, reasons I clearly sought out myself which gave me permission to smoke..
Chrissie V - I have NO idea how he knows about suicide.. That being said, he doesn't know the word suicide OR the definition. He does however know about death having had 2 dogs die (one his Nanas and one his Grannys) and he's also had a great-nana kick the proverbial last March.
So apart from having death explained in a child like manner - gone to Heaven etc - he's still away of his own mortality and the fact he isnt going to live forever. Couple with everything you here on the news etc - I think he's just deduced that theoretically, killing ones self is a possibility.
On that same note though, I don't actually think there is any real substance to what he says when he says that - I think he knows death is somewhat of a taboo subject and knows it's something that will have an effect upon in some way... Perhaps I credit him with too much intelligence and premeditation - but then I'd be doing him a dis-service if I didn't think he were capable of such for-thought.. I really don't kid when I say he's smart (he's currently in year 1 but sits in with year 2 for maths and English 4 times per week)..
And as for him living with his dad's - it wouldn't be such a bad things, he's gone to his dad's every single weekend since he was born, they have a fabulous relationship - I wouldnt be sending him to a stranger!
That being said, the thought of handing him over to my ex-boyfriend (even though he's a FABULOUS dad to Jake) makes me feel sick in the pit of my stomach..
Also, as for all of the other suggestions, we've tried reasoning with him on a multitude of occassions - befitting of his age - and he just tells us he likes to misbehave and that being angry is 'his thing'.. We then get 36 hours of good behaviour and then he reverts...
Aaaanyway, myself and his father have spoken in more detail this evening - since my posts this morning - and we've agreed we are going to seek further guidance from someone more qualified instead of blindly trying to find our way.. we'd rather it was nipped in the bud now..
Our child doesn't have a bad life - in fact he's a very priviledged little boy - it actually ANGERS me that he hates to live with us.. Everything myself and Himself do, is for our boys... To make their house nice, to give them good food, buy them nice and do nice things with them... Psht.
Ah well, lets not mention it anymore - just gonna crack on with my quit :]
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