HELP! Paired Exchange program or straight to recipient?

[Greenflower08]

My husband is ready for a kidney transplant. I am a cross match but have no matching antigens. When I received the call I was only told about being a cross match. When I questioned what my antigen match was, I was told it didn't matter. From our research and what our transplant center advertised - I was under the impression having some antigen matches would strengthen the possibility of the transplant lasting longer. I understand even siblings might not be a perfect match, maybe 4-5/6. And so I was confused. When I pushed for the person to tell me what my chart said she said it was 0/6. She again insisted it didn't matter and 0 match antigens work out fine.

Feeling uneasy about it, we spoke to others on our team and they agreed to meet with the doctors to see if we could be listed in the pair matching system. In a heart to heart with the nurse who explained she was frustrated with our delay because she was using her "nurse brain" and wanting to get a procedure done ASAP, we were able to explain that we were using "long term thinking" and wanting to set this one surgery up to be as successful as possible in hopes of not needing another one. They agreed that because we were so young it would be a good chance to get a great match for my husband in the pairing system (I donate to someone who I match with and we get my husband someone who matches with at least 1/some antigen matches)

Most recently, a surgeon is mentioning our opportunity to have a me-to-him transplant within a short timeline and doesn't seem interested in antigen matching. I am feeling so confused as to which direction we should go and if I should continue to push for a "best possible outcome." There are mixed messages from this transplant team. I will definitely ask for clarity because Im not sure we should move forward with a place we don't feel comfortable with to take our lives into their hands, however I wonder if this is just how it is? Anyone with a similar experience or advice on what they have gotten from their team on if antigens matter enough in the transplant? I have heard there are many successes with 0 antigen match, can anyone speak to their experience?

Thank you for reading and I wish us all the best for this journey. This is extremely difficult! <3

[DSKdonor NKF Ambassador]

Wow - what a conundrum! You want to listen to your medical professionals for sure, however, your gut is saying something else. TIME TO GET ANOTHER OPINION - especially if you're looking at the long term results (which is how I would look at it)!

Best of luck to you both.

[Tarheel8082]

Please keep us posted on how the process unfolds for you and what decision you and your husband make. I am in a similar situation - may possibly be able to donate to my brother. Awaiting results of my tissue typing. You are 100% correct that sorting through all of this is really difficult.