What do you do with your life?

[_quirdo_]

I was diagnosed with Chronic Kidney Disease when I was three years old. The reason I'm here today is not because of the CKD, but the mental health issues I'm facing due to that...to give a glimpse of what my CKD is that I have one functional kidney that works about 60%, my right kidney doesn't work since I was born and I have a neurologically weak bladder...my urethra is pressed under the bladder which makes it difficult to urinate and is also the reason I can't empty my bladder damaging the working kidney...I have to perform self-catheterization about 8 times a day to be stable...I'm 23 years old and never got my periods.. which means I can't get pregnant in my life, I can't enjoy sex too, as tissue blocks my vagina and needs to be operated on..so yea that's my life story...

the reason I'm here is to look if anyone ever feels that life is going nowhere. I didn't do anything, I was diagnosed as a child...yet this disease defines me... I've faced depression and anxiety for years, recently I left my hometown for a job...was quite happy for a new start..but now it feels like there's nothing to look forward to...can't find motivation, joy, or anything...I smoke about 5 cigarettes a day...ever left that there's no meaning to life, you're a burden to your family even if they love you from their hearts...like there's no today, like i'm here helpless, like you wont find someone who would love you no matter what...you just give and give...like life doesn't have a meaning..you feel me? Ik im sorry its a lot...

[nonna70]

Quirdo, I'm sorry you have so many tough circumstances. I know nothing about Indian resources. I know how deadening depression can be. Is counseling and/or antidepressants available to you? What about surgery? You know your family loves you and you have a new job. One thing I did in depression was to do something for someone else every day-anything I could think of; it forced me out of my isolated thinking. I hope this helps. I will say prayers for you. Nonna70

[_quirdo_ in reply to nonna70]

i have been taking anti-depressants for few months now..but it doesnt seem to work..and there no surgery that can be performed...thank you for your prayers!

[Puppieluv in reply to _quirdo_]

You may need a stronger dose of the anti-depressants since they aren't working. Or a different medication all together.

[Darlenia]

Oh! I want to cry with you. I also want to give you hugs, lots of hugs. I agree with nonna70, to seek both counseling and medical care. You're a young lady with a great lifespan ahead of you - a lady who can live life with purpose. It will be a journey to get there, you'll need to and pick your way carefully around the rocks, but the destination (your destiny) is there - waiting for you. I'm sending you lots of encouragement that you will take the steps to put your challenges on a "to do" list, to put plans in place to mitigate or overcome each one, and achieve success in your future. Each step forward matters. Surround yourself with professionals to assist and guide. Please let us know how it goes. Blessings.

[Marvin8 in reply to Darlenia]

I think a lot of us feel the same way as you do, Darlene. Thanks for wording it so well.

[Blackknight1989]

I’ve felt as you since diagnosed in 1996. I’ve lived 26 years in stage 4. I have a wonderful family, two grown kids, 2 great emotional support Golden Retriever's and a wife who is humbly and without complaints helping me in my day to day activities (unfortunately) but not am truly blessed both for the life I have had after CKD diagnosis that turned into AKI 4 days later and left me flatlined in the ER, 4 months on a vent, and 6 months in ICU. If you believe in yourself and can put up with your specific issues you CAN have a wonderful life. However, like most everything else worth having you must work hard at it. I wish you best of luck in hopefully turning your thoughts positive or more positive.

[Turtlepad513]

thank you for sharing your story,, it takes courage and bravery.

It can be very difficult starting in a new place with these kinds of health challenges. I know counseling was recommended already, that could be a good option.

I, like you grew up with 1 kidney, and now am at CKD stage 4 with the other. Though I was diagnosed at 21. While everyone is different, and everyone’s progression is different, it is still possible to find joy in life. I have found a wonderful supportive faith community where I feel seen and I belong. I have no doubt that it has helped tremendously. So I would recommend searching for a community that fits you in your new place, it doesn’t have to be spiritual, just a place that makes you feel a sense of belonging.

[S_dillow]

take it one day at a time.it may not seem like it but life is a gift.i watch the sun risein the morning and go down at night.i find peace in the small things.never let your conditions define you,you are a person not an illness.and definitely not a burden

[VGC3]

You are not alone. By telling us about the condition you’re in shows you are willing to get some proper care. I can’t say I know how you feel but I can tell you what I live with every day. I’m a doctors worse nightmare. I’ve had diabetes for 13 years and I’m sick of putting needles in my body, it’s like sticking fire into your body. I had renal failure and emphysema that put me in the hospital critical care unit fo 10 days. While they had me there I became septic and they said you don’t come back from that. My CKD has been as low as 31 but with drinking plenty of water every day and make sure you get a dietitian who can put you on the correct course. I also have gout which to all my basic foods away . also have high cholesterol. Then there’s a new gift I jut got. My body doesn’t bind protein which causes fatigue and problems that are scary. There is no diet for this many chronic illnesses. I’ve talked to 3 dietitians and the all have conflicting advice so I try to do it the only way I see correctly. There are lots dark times but I can’t just lay down a give up. At you’re age you probably could get a transplant with help from the Kidney Foundation in your country. God bless you all heal you

[horsie63]

I can't say I've ever been in your situation and there's many on here that have it way worse than I do but I believe you have a purpose. Sex isn't the be all end all. And there are countless ways you can find love and happiness. There are so many children who need a caring home. There are countless dogs and cats in need of a home. My dogs and cats, and even my horses all give me unconditional love. They don't care about my kidney failure they love me no matter what. Please either find a therapist, counselor or if you believe in God then maybe a spiritual advisor. I lean more towards Buddhism and find peace there.

[HisLittleOne]

I’m so very sorry for what you are going through 🥲 and I can only imagine how depressing and difficult your life must be. But even though no one can know exactly what you feel, there is someone who does — Jesus Christ suffered immeasurably and unimaginably for us and He loves you with an amazing unconditional forever love that is beyond words. He feels your suffering and is reaching out to you in great compassion. He will give you peace that is beyond human understanding…. The problems may still continue but His presence and love and strength will carry you through anything. Just reach out to him in faith…call upon Him and I know He will respond. I know from my own experience how real and loving and faithful He is. He loves you so much ❤️

And I am praying for you. 🙏

—-

“Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved” ~ Romans 10:13

[DEZIN]

My heart goes out to you. You are so young and should have some joy

In your life. I think you have to ask your self what can you do for yourself that will give you some meaning. When ll was freelancing part time it gave me

A reason to get up every day, and be productive, it took my mind off my personal problems. I don’t know what that is for you, but you do need an

Outlet for your feelings.. maybe a counselor can help you determine what

You can do to put you in a more positive space. I hope you invest in yourself

For self care, ❣️