I think it's difficult for people to understand how CKD makes you want to just "give up." I don't mean harming yourself, not at all. But, when you feel exhausted and sore every day with no end in sight, you just want to give up. With a cold or a broken bone, you know you'll get over it soon. But, I've felt like this for about two years now. There comes a point where you wish there was just some end in sight.
I haven't felt like myself in a long time. I've forgotten what it was like to have energy and feel good. I've forgotten what it was like to not want to just sleep. Between the exhaustion, the pain, the weakness and forgetfulness, I've forgotten what I was like. I thought about it yesterday and I started to cry. I don't know if my wife understood. As great as she's been and as wonderful as my close friends have been, this is still a very lonely place to be.