A big fat failure!!!!

Kinda joking...but semi serious! I do feel like a failure.... every week/day I start a new diet, and without a doubt every week I fail miserably. My latest attempt was Slimming World, started a couple of weeks ago but barely read the books and played at it....lost 1lb wk 1, 1lb week 2, didn't go week 3 or 4...and now I've been fighting with myself whether to go back and try harder or not?? My instinct initially was that Slimming World isn't the right route to go down as the portion element is uncontrolled and advocates a lot of processsed foods to be "free"....however, other peoples' success made me wish for a similar outcome and so I gave in.

But there must be something wrong with me. I know I am obese, I know the weight is slowing me down and stopping me doing things, I have a goal of a big holiday to look forward to and a desire to wear nice clothes again....but somehow its just not enough!

HELP! I don't know how to motivate myself.

I am realistic I think in planning for 1-2lb weight loss a week, but even this seems impossible. Any help???? I think about diets/food 24/7 ....although binge and eat/drink all the wrong things when I'm off track......

9 Replies

  • I'm working with someone who has lost 7lbs every week since we started 3 and a half weeks ago. All we did was change her diet to suit her. I've learnt the hard way that not everything works for everyone. When you work out the differences, you can quickly work out the solution. 3.5 weeks to lose a stone healthy.

  • This has been my story for years. I feel like every day I am on a diet and I fail every day. Sometimes I manage to go a whole week before it all goes wrong! I have been to Weight Watchers and gained weight instead of losing. I have been miserable for years.

    I do feel different this time and I'm starting to see some changes. There are a few reasons and they are quite personal to me so they may not be any use to you but I'll tell you anyway.

    * My husband has been spending more time away from home because of his band and he is spending more time with the female singer hanging out and going to gigs with her. He has also started up her hobby of running. All of this has me terrified. So unfortunately this motivation comes from fear that he is going to leave me or have an affair.

    * I have a couple of autoimmune diseases and I know full well that the things I like to eat make me sick. I basically eat a Paleo diet (meat and veg) but I am trying to go more low carb. I am seeing some difference from this. I have to look after myself so I don[t' end up a lonely sick women who can't look after herself.

    * I am always stressed out of my mind so I am speaking up more and asking for help at home and at work. It's both hugely uncomfortable and stressful but I do feel better for standing up for my needs and admitting I need help and letting people know I'm not perfect. Reducing stress and not keeping it all bottled up is helping.

    * Also I came here to talk and join in. It's less pressure than a face to face group. Being part of a community of people in the same situation is helping and committing to being present here is helping to remind me that I have truly committed this time.

    I do think that sometimes you get to the point when all of a sudden you get better at staying on the wagon. I don't know what makes the difference but I know I better make the most of this as the longer I can do it the more I lose and the motivation will add up and keep me going. I've done it before. I hope you get to that point too! But don't be hard on yourself. Being kind to yourself will help you at lot more than being harsh and judging.

  • Hi Monday, and Welcome! :)

    You've come to the right place, I think most (if not all!) of us have felt like you do. My motivation was the realization that I'd hit 15 stone, none of my clothes fit, and I felt like an unhealthy, disgusting blob. In that instant I realized that something had to give. It was then that I came across the 12 Week plan on the NHS Choices website (there's a link on the homepage of this forum). If you haven't had a look yet I would very much suggest it, it has worked really well for me (I'm now at 12 stone 4, that's just over 2 1/2 stone lost since January).

    I think the thing that helped me most was the realization that a diet was not going to work and what I really needed was a lifestyle change. I wanted more than just to lose weight, I wanted to be healthy as well but had little idea how to go about it. That's where the 12 week plan helped. It showed me how to choose healthy food in reasonable amounts without giving up the occasional treat.

    It also showed me that exercise doesn't have to mean going to the gym and that there were small ways to include it in daily life. Small amounts add up over time and a little bit is often enough to get you hooked and moving forward.

    That's not to say that it's all been smooth sailing. I had a disastrous week last week! And I doubt somehow it will be the last time I have this trouble. But that's ok, because I'm only human and so will make mistakes from time to time. And I'm not the only one, there are many here who have had the same troubles.

    So with that knowledge plus help from the lovely members of this forum, I have picked myself up, dusted myself off, and started again. After all, this is not the means to an end but the pathway to a healthy life. :)

    You will need to find out what works best for you. If Slimming World doesn't fit you and your life, then don't go. There's no point in setting yourself up for failure. I'd suggest having a look at the 12 week plan as a way to get started. Then just try it. For a day, or a week. It can't hurt and may very well help.

    Sorry for the novel, I hope I haven't bored you too much. Good luck on your way and I'm sure you can find a way to get there. I am getting there, many others have and I know you can too. Good luck! :D

  • Excellent advice here mondayblues5575 from VickyDLM 😊 I agree totally. I an absolutely not on a diet!! 😊

  • Hi mondayblues5575 we all feel your pain. I'm sure most of us on here have tried every diet in the book, online, clubs etc. But here's the thing - to see long term results and do something that's realistic and sustainable - not for the 6 to 8 months (or more) that it might take to lose the weight we want, but something that can be done for life. Lifestyle gets us to where we are today - for me it's eating snacks while cooking and then eating my dinner plus a sedentary job after 20 years of working shifts. I have tried Slimming World 6 times - succeeded once in my 20s but have struggled ever since. Like you say there is little focus on portion size apart from the things everyone knows are 'bad' for you.

    So you need to think about the long term - the future you can't see. Yes there's the dress/outfit for a wedding or Christmas party but once that event has happened it's so easy just to go back to the previous lifestyle. Little changes are the key, it takes around 27 repeats of something to make it a habit. So start small - all or nothing is a recipe for failure. For example say to yourself every day I am going to do a 10-15 minute walk/exercise and make one change to my diet. That could be eating one less biscuit a day or swapping a packet of crisps for a piece of fruit. Don't try to change everything at once. Rome wasn't built in a day and 5 stones didn't leap on in a week. Focus on changes over a month rather than a week and hopefully you'll see the benefits soon. x

  • Ive also done WW and slimming world. WW was ok but it just felt like pressure to me, with semi public weigh ins, plus points counting seems unnecassarily complicated to me. I really did not like SW, with demonising fat and other high cal foods, and the weigh ins infront of a dragon lady, and all the rules. If they didnt work for you, you are not alone.

    This plan and the forum is more suited to me, as its more about healthy eating and lifestyle, not a load of rules you cant maintain. I think alot of people on the fourum have found this aswell.

    I also have a tendency to binge eat, although i find as long as eat enough now and look after myself, im getting alot less urges to do it.

    Maybe give the 12 week plan ago, and join in on the forum to get lots support, and see what happens?

    Also i would say dont put pressure on yourself, its going to take some time for the weight to come off healthily, so if you have a bad day or week its ok. You will only find support and encouragement on here. I have about 12 stone to lose so i understand. ☺


  • You have some great advice here 😊 Weight loss starts in your head, really getting to grips with making permanent changes. 😊 Very best wishes 😊

  • Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt! If you're a big fat failure then so is almost everyone on this site. I have also tried WW and S World and after a few weeks looked for excuses not to go. Have also tried online diets but for me this site has been a life saver. Between January and June I lost 23 lbs. I hadn't reached my goal but decided to take the summer off as I had family visiting from Australia for 3 weeks (haven't seen my gorgeous grandsons for nearly 3 years), had holidays and lots of social events. Promised myself I would get back on track this week after a holiday at the end of September and as soon as I logged on I felt my motivation come back. Yes I had put on 7 lbs in 3 months but it could have been a lot worse and I'm still over a stone lighter than I was when I started. Obviously I don't recommend everyone dipping in and out of a diet for 3 months at a time if there's no need to but what I'm getting at is that I found all the lovely people here so supportive I had no qualms about getting back, even though I'd put some of the weight back on. As regards diets, everyone is different and what works for some wont work for others. Why not try the 12 week plan and see how you get on but it seems that you are like me - you know how to lose the weight but it's the motivation that is lacking. If you get your head in the right place then everything will follow. Good luck - I'm sure you can do it.

  • Cheers for all the lovely comments and advice. There is some good advice to take. I printed off the 12 week plan yesterday and am going to work on changing habits one by one...starting with reading/motivating myself once per day, instead of having a slimming book in my bulging bag which never sees the light of day!! And heading off to Aldi this afternoon and will pick lower calorie/less saturated fat options off the shelves. (I found shopping very difficult with SW and WW as without their app, I was lost as to what to buy, apart from the basics of meat/fruit/veg.

    And I plan to download myfitnesspal to monitor food intake, or some other app like that

    Thanks for welcoming me, xx

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