Log in
27,621 members11,099 posts

Horrible consultant :(

Hi all, I'm under consultant care as my first was still born. I've also changed to a different hospital (Frimley) as I don't want memories coming back etc but I had my first appointment with my consultant yesterday and was left feeling really unwelcome, not listened to and really upset. Is there any way I can change? If so, does anyone know how I change? Or do you think I should just stick it out and see how things go?

7 Replies

Yes you can definitely change your consultant!

To be honest I'm not 100% how to go about it but I know people who have. I would probably start with gp and explain the situation.

I would also like to add that most consultants I've meet are strange and can come across as cold and heartless - maybe they just detach themselves from you as a person and just look as you as a case study???

Do you already know what caused your loss? Or are you still having investigations? After I had two miscarriages I pushed gps for tests and started doing my own research. I found a consultant that specialised in my condition in pregnancy and asked to be referred there. I can't tell you how many times I left her clinic in tears, but I continued along as I thought she knows more then most. Turns out her treatment plan has worked (although I was very unsure in the beginning) and I'm due my rainbow baby in a week.

Chin up it's hard and scary but you definitely have a say in your care - remember it's your body.

Good luck to you xx

1 like

It's def your choice if you want to change consultant. Youre probably best to call their secretAry and ask how to go about it. I think it depends how you feel about things. On the one hand empathy is something you'd hope for, but the way you see things and a medical professional does is always going to be different. Aka for you this is a very personal experience for the consultant it is not, also getting emotional involved with every patient is just not possible and would probably lead to burn out. Another consultant might not be to your expectations either or might be. So it really depends how bothered you were by the encounter



I had the same issue with my consultant. She spoke to me like I was an idiot and didn't listen to me about my condition despite me having a very good understanding of it (having lived with it for 20 years).

My midwife told me to just call the midwife unit at the hospital and explain I wanted to move to someone else and it was as simple as that. They asked my reasons but were lovely about it and put me with someone much better suited to me. After speaking to other professionals at the hospital since then, it turns out people either love or hate her so I don't think they were surprised when I asked to be moved.

You should definitely get someone you feel comfortable with. Good luck.


Thank you all. I think we just got off on the wrong foot. The first question she asked me was "so why are you here??" I know nothing about you but see you are familiar with two other hospitals so why haven't you gone there? I had to explain all to her why I was under consultant care, what had happened etc but it's all in my notes already. She just hadn't read them. Then had to go on and explain why I didn't want to go to the same hospital again. It just made me feel like I was wasting her time and I wasn't welcome to choose their hospital as it's not the closest in my area but closer than where I had my son. I didn't want to go to the closest as that's where I lost my girl. My consultant before seemed detached but at least understanding and set out a full plan for me. Wrote everything in my notes what she advised and it seemed more structured. This one just said about scans but I have no idea when or if I'll see her again and like you've advised very cold and not understanding. I asked for a cesarean as my boys heartbeat went down to 2 beats a minute and they had to intervene and get him out quickly which make me worry with this one but she completely ruled it out and said that I'm not going to be having one. I understand it's a major operation and may not be the best for me but she didn't even listen and just said no. She offered no support to my anxiety or worries. No alternate plan which has just made me more anxious. :(


Ah I completely understand what you're going through at an already anxious time. I had the same issue with a c-section but after switching to a different consultant and having been referred to a birth reflections counsellor (who was amazing) I am now booked in for mine.

I expected the birth reflections to be all about talking me out of what I knew was right for me but actually she was so supportive and walked me through the whole process and helped me clarify for the consultant why I need a c-section

You are entitled to make the choice but it sounds like it would be better if you're dealing with someone a bit more sympathetic and that will hopefully help you relax and have some peace of mind.

1 like

I'm so sorry for what you have been through and are going through.

My second child was still born at 37 weeks last year, no cause found. Currently 32 weeks pregnant and terrified.

We also changed hospitals for care, but will be delivering at the same due to our trust doing at separate hospitals and where I delivered my second child was exceptional.

I had already refused to see two consultants, one who cancelled a scan the day before my second baby died, and one who couldn't communicate test results etc to us and messed us around after the death of my child.

My first meeting of current consultant was not good, didn't know why I was there, why different hospitals, even answered her phone whilst I was telling her what happened last time. My second meeting again she didn't have a clue who I was or why I was there. My gp was aware of my first experience with her and we'd decided to see what the second was like before we changed as she is the lead in fetal medicine so medically she's great, personally, not so much. My husband gave her a firm talking to about things just not being good enough and it being unacceptable to have to explain each time what had happened with our last child. We got what seemed like a genuine apology, the appointment took a different course and she was really informative and clear throughout the scan. Decided to give her another chance and since then she knows exactly who I am, why I'm there and has been really good. She's even came to see me when I've ended up in pregnancy assessment unit needing reassurance rather than sending a registrar.

In my case, the second chance and my husband being very firm with her turned out to be best thing to do, but go with your gut, if you are not happy your GP or midwife can change it.

Good luck with the pregnancy x x


Sorry to hear of your experience.

I'm consultant and midwife led and will be out of frimley too. My first appointment is not until mid August but can you request a different consultant from frimley? Surely they must have a few?


You may also like...