Lost my identity

Have any of you other ladies felt like you have lost your identity while pregnant? I feel like I've gone from, Kat, the person with opinions and a personality, to Kat, the pregnant woman. Don't get me wrong, I'm ecstatic that I'm pregnant, especially given that for a long while I wasn't sure it could happen, it's just that no one wants to talk to me about anything other than baby stuff now. I mean, I still like football and films and music, I still know how to hold my own in a political debate, and I still have that very innappropriate sense of humour that seemed to entertain all. People almost seem shocked now when I come out with something risqué or an innuendo. Did I miss the memo that went round saying I needed to become a stepford wife from now on? Sorry if this sounds like a selfish rant, just needed to get it off my chest!

7 Replies

  • I feel your pain, and sadly many people still treat me this way since having the baby. It's incredibly frustrating when people don't recognise that being 'mum' is just an extension to the me that existed before all this began - all the other things I was capable of or interested in before still apply! Don't get me wrong, I can talk about my baby and mothering stuff until the cows come home these days, BUT hello, the none parent me is still here too!

    When the baby first arrived I did feel massively like I'd lost myself because so much of my time was devoted to them. Now they are 4 and a half months, things aren't as chaotic as they were back then and I do have time to pursue my own interests again. It's different, people I used to socialise with have to understand that I might be delayed leaving the house, or have to drag baby along, or cancel altogether because I'm tired/can't get a sitter/have a very angry baby. The most understand people are the other parents I know, and I do enjoy talking about baby with them as well as normal stuff. But with my childless friends, I tell them straight, I don't want to talk about motherhood today and we get on with business as usual.

    That is much harder to do when you are visibly pregnant - and it'd annoy me that was the only conversation I could have with strangers then 'when are you due?' 'is it your first?' blah blah blah... Now when I'm out without my child then no one knows I'm a parent so conversation is more normal again.

    It is frustrating, but for your sanity I think you need to be straight with people and say enough is enough.

  • Yeah, I think that's what I need to do. I'm happy enough to do the expectant parent thing at home with my partner but when it comes to my friends, I want a normal relationshiip. There's only a few of our friends that are parents so it's a struggle for most to understand how to behave around me. i think I'm just going to lay it out in plain English, like they are used to from me anyway, I'm still the same person, just a bit rounder haha

  • Can you just make a joke of it and say "bloody hell can we talk about work/travel/football/telly/sex or something for a while? I am all pregnancied out and could do with a change of topic!"

  • I feel exactly the same, although its not really when I talk to my friends more what I see in the mirror.

    I know its superficial, but because I can't dress in my normal clothes and I look different and I find I don't make much effort with my hair and make up, I just don't feel like me anymore.

    I feel like this baby is taking over who I am and I am just host instead of Kelly! My partner is amazing and makes me feel "normal" and doesn't treat me any differently, but I still struggle every now and then.

    Problem is, I then feel guilty for feeling like that and that makes it worse.

    Glad I'm not the only one that feels like this.



  • Yeah I get that too. Like you're not in control of what happens to your body anymore. It's a shock to the system, especially if you're used to being in control of everything like me. I guess we just have to realise that it's temporary and it means a beautiful baby at the end so in the grand scheme of things it's worth it. And it's kinda fun shocking and surprising people by being innappropriate, so I might just keep that up hehe

  • Hahah your post made me smile as I know exactly what you mean. I have found myself gradually ignoring the pregnancy talk and forcing conversation around to work or any other topic. People seem to soon get the message. I expect it will be even worse once our babies are here!

  • Haha, yeah I think I'm just going to steer the conversation towards something else. If they ask why then I'll tell them I'm bored of pregnancy talk lol.

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