Should I be angry!?

Hey guys. Just me again, need a good rant...again!

So if youve read my previous post '20 weeks and feeling really down' Youll know that my ex ( the father of my baby boy due in december) decided cocaine was more important than me and his unborn child so I left him.

Well I have now found out hes turned to ectasy aswell!!

He has said he wants nothing to do with our baby in the past but I thought he was just angry. But now I keep finding out new things like this and it makes my blood boil!

When my little boy is here and is older how do I explain to him that his dad didnt want to know and hasnt been around because drugs come first! My heart is breaking for my little boy as every child needs a mummy and daddy but he wont have both :(

My partner is more than happy too raise my son as his own as he also has a son from a previous relationship but my son wont call him dad just as his wont call me mum.

Im just so upset that one day ill have to say to my precious little boy that his biological 'dad' is the drugged up mess we ignore. I want my boy to be proud of his parents. Not ashamed. But there isnt anything I can do!

Sorry for the rant guys! Thanks for reading x

10 Replies

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  • Hey,

    Oh I'm so sorry to hear this.

    Please try not to get worked up about his actions, the stress isn't good for you or the baby. He's not worth it!

    I remember hearing a phrase once, I forget how it goes exactly, but it's something like "Any bloke can get a woman pregnant, but it takes a REAL man to be a Father". I hope that makes some sense! Basically, it doesn't matter if biological or not, as long as a parent/parents loves/love their child, that's the most important thing. It's great that your new partner is excited and happy about your new family, he already sounds a million times better!

    As for explaining about your ex to your son...you will find the right time and words to do so, but it's a long way off yet - again, try not to worry. I'm sure there are experts who could help you with talking to him, when the time comes. I do disagree about your comment saying every child needing two parents - my Mum was widowed when I was five and she's just amazing! Plus, he will have a Dad - your new partner :-)

    Sorry if this reply is a bit garbled, I'm currently trying to feed a six-week old!! X

  • Thank you so much! I grew up in a one parent family myself. I was raised by my dad from the age of 2. I just remember feeling 'left out' in a way cause all my friends had both parents.

    I know my partner is a great dad from seeing him with his own son but his sons mother isnt exactly being fair and has stopped contact since weve been together.

    Thank you again for your advice and help :) x

  • I had both parents - I promise you it wasn't a bed of roses and if I could have just had one I would have been a lot happier. The grass is not necessarily greener.

  • My youngest sister's dad ran out on us when mum was six months pregnant, along with her savings. My mum got with someone when she was three, and he has been her dad since. It's not about blood, but love. She knew that he wasn't her biological father, and knew that it was his choice to leave, but because he was less of a man and not because of her.

    She has since met up with him this year, but found out for herself just how he really is. She now wants nothing to do with him, and still calls mum's partner dad.

  • Anyone can be a father it takes a real man to be a daddy! And its so true its not the sperm doner that's a dad cause he made the child its the man who is there by your and your sons side day in and day out that is a real dad. Your son will understand that oneday. And your son will one day realise that he isn't the sort of person he would have wanted in his life anyway. And you did what was best by leaving him. That's no role model for a child. Just be strong and cross the bridge of his dad when it comes to it.

  • Thank you :) And my partner also says thanks for your kind words x

  • Kids aren't stupid. They know what side their bread is buttered and they know who loves them and who they don't need to bother with. It's the same for all families, even those with both biological parents - it doesn't automatically make you good parents just because you're there. Children are resilient and all they need is love - they won't care who gives it to them just as long as they get it. And those who do give them love with be in their hearts and in the way they treat others forever. Stop beating yourself up. You're doing great. This loverboy you've found sounds like a real angel, a real catch - just grab it all with both hands and embrace the hell out of it. Life is too short. Stop worrying. Baby's going to appreciate you a lot more for it - and so will everyone else. Now take a deep breath, smile and say out loud - I deserve to be happy and everything is going to be fine and exactly how it was meant to be :)

  • Thank you :) I really appreciate all the help and advice from you all!!

    Means a lot, I know you guys dont know me and thats why I know the opinions I receive on here are completely non biased. Thank you again x

  • Hiya just a little note

    To be fair all you need is that one person who loves you nourishes you and cares for you to be happy you don't need the biological dad and if he comes up in future just say he moved away for work

  • If he does not want to be involbed in the babys life a d wpuld rather waste his time doing drugs then he isnt worthy of having the chance to be in your sons life all he will need is you and your partner my daughters dad wants no involvement and doesnt believe she is his and is more into drugs drinking and being a fool the way i see it is i am not begging him to be part of her life she has me my partner her lil brother by my partner and a brother or sister on the way she doesnt need him and tour son wont need his sperm donor either xx

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