I know I shouldn't think like this but I can't help what pops up in my brain. I keep thinking of all the things I'd have done differently if only I'd known how my life would be now, the different house, career, partner, money decisions I'd have made, the things I would have done while I could, not left as something to look forward to after retiring. Even things I'd have done differently as a kid if only I'd known then what I know now.
Do others of you have the same?
Brain pops! I get frustrated when my brain lets regrets pop in. It’s usually something that I can’t change or control. How can I regret when I didn’t know this would happen to me. People can’t live their lives preparing this. This is what people fear could happen. I took care of people like this. Mentally/physically challenged people.
Egad, my thriving 32yr old self couldn’t know within years of diagnosis I would lose everything I worked for and was thriving at. My spouse, being with daughters all the time, my home, my career, my health, volunteering, being a Sunday school teacher, coach, CPR instructor, my stick shift car, vacations, parts of my family, my independence, etc., etc..
Not Debbie Downer, Tammy Truth. I don’t live my life dwelling on it. It’s those darn brain pops! Like “Can you imagine if…?” Doesn’t help that ex has been married, has homes and money. I have nothing monetarily left that I acquired. I do have my adult daughters love and respect and a charming grandson. I do have a mother and stepfather who have taken on the task of caring for me in their home. I have insurance, SSDI and medical marijuana in my state. I have a great group of people on this site that I can talk to openly and are a valuable source of information and humor too. 🫧
Tammy truth for sure.. I didn’t always make good decisions, growing up even into adulthood… But I feel like if I changed anything.. maybe I wouldn’t be where I am today with a family who loves me and two good kids who have grown up to be good adults .. we just had a number of days in the mountains glamping and MS reared her ugly head not just once but virtually made life a living hell for us both for a good 18 hours between yesterday late afternoon until early this afternoon.. let this be a lesson for me..try to plan for the worst exacerbation of your life while camping!.. I would consider myself a pretty seasoned veteran as well, but not so much with the camping even in a lovely camper. They are not very spacious when you need a second person to help and when your leg decides it’s no longer part of your body, but has tremendous pain as well.. we are home now- safe and sound 😊
Wow, that was an experience! I can totally picture your uncooperative leg in a little camper. Happy you are safe at home. I used to be able to predict how my day would it be when I woke up, those days are gone. I sleep in 2hr intervals, when I sleep. I carry a first aid kit in my purse (which is more like luggage) that contains an adult diaper, spare meds, medical info and various first aid supplies for when I accidentally cut myself, it happens frequently. I LOVED to camp and have told all my family members to please take me along. Alas, no invites. It is a chore no one has decided to take on. I want to enjoy looking at pictures of their excursions. I want to be in the picture. For now, I will go for a walk and enjoy the falling leaves and try not to fall down with them and cut myself. ☮️🌎🫧
I totally get the first aid kit part! I have cut myself on more than one occasion myself.. 🤦♀️ The camper is my husbands long time dream.. this is only the third trip we have been on in it..when body parts are working correctly.. I am totally loving it.. now just call me a little paranoid but..the state park was in peak for leaves but it wasn’t a bit crowded.. I loved sitting down by the river..some of it I just saw by pictures as I am no longer riding my bike.. but was truly happy to be there and in some of the photos. Gotta take what you can when you can
Hug your husband for me. You are blessed and I am so very happy for you!
Thank you so much he has been my rock for33 years.. married for 29..I am truly blessed
I have regrets but I don't spend too much time dwelling.
All I have is now and I try to make adjustments for any new load of BS that might come my way.
For instance, I regret not making more art when my hands were more cooperative.
Dupuytren's Contracture and loss of sensitivity in my fingers creates challenges.
I learned new ways to hold my brushes,clay tools and deal with dexterity issues...because I had to and it is not easy.
But when I finish a project, I am very happy, maybe even more so than when I was able to finish something quickly and with little effort.
Now. with three different eye problems (cataracts,retinopathy and glaucoma) looming, I wonder what I'll do for art if my sight is compromised.
No sight and no feeling in my fingers should produce some interesting results. 
I can relate to having unwanted, intrusive thoughts. With me, it isn't regrets about larger issues (well, maybe a couple!) but more about every stupid thing I've said since third grade, or every thoughtless or inconsiderate thing I've ever done, albeit unintentionally.
I've read books about this, and there is a saying "what you resist, persists", meaning the more you try not to think about a particular regret or thought,the "stickier" it becomes.
Experts say you need to acknowledge the thought, "I see you there," or "regrets ae present " and try not to judge them as good or bad, they simply are. One book recommended visualizing thoughts as clouds and imagining them floating away. Or you can tell yourself that "thoughts are not truth".
Unfortunately, I have a very short attention span and haven't been able to consistently apply these techniques. My therapist also recommends writing down these thoughts and challenging whether they are really true. Meditation apps also have guided meditations about dealing with thoughts. But it takes practice and a lot of time to build new neural pathways.
Another thing I've wondered about is whether regrets are about not being willing to face up to how little control we have over some things. Without a crystal ball, we simply can't know the right thing to do in a particular circumstance every time. I don't find that particularly comforting!
One thing I can tell you is that you are not alone. Many of us have regrets or are too hard on ourselves in other ways.
Appreciate information. I’ve already written quotes on my dry erase board to encourage me. I’ve been trying to block out my biggest sadness and it worked…for awhile. It’s frustrating because it could easily be solved by one of many people who love me. It’s not their responsibility or something they have to do. It should be. I was deceived, with good intentions, and made life decisions based on what I was told. I trusted them with me. It persists, I resist. I can’t get it to float away on a cloud yet. Acknowledging the thought as the truth (it is) and that is is there. Not sure what to do with it now.
Does it mean the same thing as “It is what it is”?
I could be wrong, but that sounds more like unresolved hurt or betrayal than regret. Not an easy thing to live with at all. I hope you can find a way to make peace with it (or them?). You don't deserve to carry pain around with you forever.
Think it’s a mixture of all three. Synopsis: Everyone was moving from AZ for different reasons. My abode was total loss from monsoon. I lived near, and was caring for, my only grandchild nearly every day since birth.
I regret believing my daughter when she said it would only be a month, 3 at the most before she got settled and we would reunite. A week seemed like forever, it’s now 20mths. Add, it’s never going to happen now. I’ve traveled to see him twice. It was very expensive and hard on my body. I regret that my Mom (78) and my stepdad have now had to alter their lives, finances and home for my residency. I regret I believed her, I trusted her with my bond with her son, there was no reason not to. I absolutely can not afford to live where they do on my own or I would. Thank you for letting me purge. I have more to be grateful for than most. I am blessed to have a grandson. 🫧
That is a heartbreaking story. I'm so sorry to hear that you are separated from your beloved grandson. I hope you are able to maintain some kind of relationship with him despite the distance between you.
Thank you. You would think with cell phones, social media and zooming it would make it easier. It does not. Miss him even more. He happens to be on the spectrum and I know how much we can teach each other. Your kind words are very appreciated. Hope your day goes swimmingly. 🫧
"what you resist, persists" I am going add that to my list of great sayings.
Hi Kit10 there is a saying "don't cry over spilt milk" or some thing like that probably several out there but it comes down to 'You can't know or control the future, you can't change the past. So we do what we can when we can. Do it to the best of our ability & thank God we could do something. That is my moto I try to live by. I hope the things said here have helped they are all good advice. We live the best we can & wear a hard hat if it starts to topple. Love & prayers Mary>
I think ruminations on what if, or why didn't...may be natural. It's when we focus on those and not the present moment that we begin to struggle. I'd rather focus on memories of my last hike than regret those I cannot take now, or remember walking along water's edge at a favorite beach than fret about the unlikelyhood of doing so again. MS takes so much from us, I won't let it take the lovely memories!
I’ve got a couple of MRIs coming up this weekend and I’m going to be walking on one of my favorite shorelines pretty much the whole time I’m having them done!
I am very fortunate and so don't have regrets about MS, but I have many about poor (horrible, horrendous, terrible, demoralizing, soul destroying) choices that I made pre MS. Strangely, the diagnosis caused me to break out of a harmful pattern and change my life for the better. I have managed to put these regrets up on a high shelf somewhere, maybe because of lots of therapy, or because so many years have passed, or maybe because my brain has some cotton wool wrapped around them! I really feel for you, Kit10.
It's good to know that even extreme regrets about choices we've made can sometimes be overcome. I'm so glad you were able to overcome them somehow, Greentime!
No use worrying about the past make the best of your future
what would you do with a do over?
If I had known then, how would I have lived my life differently?
looking towards the future
I can't trust a company that makes its hundreds of billions off sick peoples. No incentive to cure. A cure means out of business.
One more item to check off the list…..
