My daughter just squashed my heart

[JanetV65]

my daughter and I both have MS, I would think she of all people would understand what I go through. Not the case and she is belittling me about not keeping my grandkids over night. Any suggestions?

[Kit10]

It's not OK for her to belittle you.

But you of all people know what she goes through .... don't you?

[JanetV65 in reply to Kit10]

I do, but I can’t let her squash me to make herself better . I just said nothing

[pinkmo]

So sorry she is doing that you. Hard to take the high road with people like that.

🙄💪

[JanetV65 in reply to pinkmo]

it is hard

[Sandydemop]

Hi Janet, she needs childcare and you are not available. I say stay assertive. I'm sure you would babysit if you could.

[JanetV65 in reply to Sandydemop]

I adore my grandkids but work a full time job and have very little energy to spare

[Sandydemop in reply to JanetV65]

I hope you can let her know why you are not available. If she doesn’t understand you did your best.

[falalalala]

Stick to your guns.

[Robsmom]

Sorry that she belittled you but yes, stick to your guns. Do what's best for you.

[goatgal]

It's not constructive to sling accusations at one another, but since both of you have MS, you understand its impacts. Is it possible to offer to take each grandchild, separately, for a morning, a day or overnight? This depends, of course, on the age of the child and it needn't be frequently, perhaps twice a month, but it might give your daughter a bit of a break, and allow you to build special relationships with your grandchildren. It might also provide a way to help your grandchildren understand how MS affects their mother.

[Humbrd in reply to goatgal]

good suggestion

[JanetV65 in reply to goatgal]

they are little , they don’t understand MS . My daughter has help from other grandparents but chooses to blast me . Unfortunately, we are not very close and it breaks my heart. Thanks for the ideas though

[MsBoo]

Does she not understand that every MS is different? Yours is not like hers.. Hers is not like yours. How old are your grands? Are they old enough to help you?

[JanetV65 in reply to MsBoo]

my grands are 6 and 3. I adore them and when it comes to me and my MS, she doesn’t seem to believe I am so bad

[MsBoo in reply to JanetV65]

Well, seems they are old enough to help take care of themselves. I know my grandson understood and helped me to "watch" him.. they understand more than they get credit for.. just saying dear.

[Sandydemop in reply to JanetV65]

comparing illness is not helpful. You are the only person who knows what your limits are.

[Humbrd]

maybe she could bring them in the evening after dinner. Then you could put in a kid movie. Then bedtime. Then in the morning an easy breakfast. Then she could return by lunch. That would give her an evening and sleeping in. And you wouldn't have to occupy them all day. Harder if they are an infant. When my grandbabies were babies my arms would get weak from picking them up. They're a little older now, elementary age, so its easier. But I wanted to bond and have alone time, its different when parents are around. Seems like they confide in me more when its just us. The older they get and they know your expectations for behaving and your limitations the easier it gets. And then you could keep them for longer periods. You cant get back these precious years and they will have fond memories of staying with grandma. That's just my opinion, hope it helps.

[JanetV65 in reply to Humbrd]

thank you for the kid words

[JanetV65 in reply to JanetV65]

kind

[Humbrd in reply to JanetV65]

I didnt realize you worked full time. I know how hard it was for me then.

[Jesmcd2 CommunityAmbassador]

Hi JanetV65 Welcome to your new MS family! 🙂 Making you feel bad or guilty because you can't take your g'kids for a night, is not ok! Im proud of you for sticking to your guns! 🙂

Tell your daughter that you need to make plans for that. Not spur of the moment! And even then it's iffy...

In the meantime here is a great book for kids so that they can understand a little bit... Its called "Mommy’s Story: An introduction for younger children to learn about a parent’s MS" mymsaa.org/ms-information/p...

Hang in there!🤗💕🌠

[JanetV65 in reply to Jesmcd2]

thank you for the book info!

[Tazmanian]

just remind her that everyone's MS is different just because she can do something doesn't mean you can good luck

[BlanketTime1]

i just got through posting about this under 'when family hurt us.' it helped a lot in case you want to check it out. i have to add though i wrote about able-bodied people. the fact that someone with your exact same illness would treat you so badly baffles me.

also, i'd say get off the phone with her. as a friend just reminded me, stress affects our illness(es).🤗

[Panda52]

I have no advice but sending prayers for you.