Well I was tired of always staying in my room. I'm a freaking social butterfly always have been. But the past 6 years I've been worried in my room living with the fear of.. of being a open health issues. Lol. The fear of having a TIA & someone finding me get taken to ER just to be given the same unknown response while not listening to what I'm saying is happening how I am feeling right before the strokes occur. Just because some doesn't know the proper name of what their explaining doesn't mean they are Inadequate to be right with the description of it. It if it's not textbook it's not the reason. Well hello not everyone is textbook. Enough of that rant sorry, back to my novel post lol.
Well I was was to comfortable in my room, to the point of fearing leaving it.. Not a good place to be if you can't handle being alone or if your thoughts seem to overwhelm you. Luckily I don't have that problem, I happen to believe understanding yourself is a beautiful thing & hell I talk to myself, call myself on some dumb shit I did that's funny in the long run, I even answer myself back, why because I want expert advice, shit I will even Debate myself, that doesn't mean I'm crazy. It's a conversation with the person that is responsible for her actions you know gut conscious speaking aloud. Lol.. With that being said I haven't asked myself to repeat myself yet so shit I'm still somewhat saine. Well primary progressive multiple sclerosis is my 3rd person we bump heads pick on each other like siblings, my new best friend that I'd almost be list without now. We've found a balance of respect I don't push it to far & it won't kick my ass for a long period of time.. I age 43 was told at age 42 I'd never be able to live alone again I thought it was bad enough being on social security disability my bring in pay being $387. A month was horrible. But my 27 yr old son stepped up to the plate without hesitation & just started playing man of the house but not in a cocky young buck kind of way, but in a responsible way so responsible I almost got jealous like a dumb ass. Lol made cause at that age I couldn't save money like him nor were the Bill's paid on time.. I had to remind myself that I was a 1 income raising 4 son's this is a reflection of his upbringing you goofy ass. " see how good conversations with Yousef can be" I thought it was hard to get used to that nursing home lifestyle ways is now my lifestyle. I've noticed I irritate my neurologist cause he doesn't understand why I am not worse off then I show. But it occurred to me just how much of a front I naturally do. I was confused because there's nothing about me fake I'm so upfront and open about everything. I had to think about it for awhile because it was really messing with me. Then I seen it. I would be in bed all week just to get up to do some type of activity one day. I noticed that I would prepare myself for the activities. Like conserving energy.. and item would work I'd have a great time and the outside me definitely was hiding the inside me. I've always been that was nonchalantly but this was like a daily job routine manner. So I figured if it's a trait of mine then let's use it to benefit every part of me. It took some work kind of like it did when I had to accept I couldn't do certain things anymore it took a few try's. I have to say I never thought I'd ever get to see or say i did this again in my lifetime. With 3 serious head bumping negatives
1)MENOPAUSE
2)TEXAS HEAT
3)MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS
For the 1st time in 7years I was outside working in my backyard put a 14 ft pool up twice this summer hell the 1st time I put it up right after having surgery and being in Neuro trauma ICU for 5 days, I have not one weed stickerbur no debris in my yard I can walk barefoot through my entire yard built a wooden patio by myself, I cut yard twice a week take the yard after each cut. Cut down trees branches until the area I wanted to use was cleared out we rent this house so none of this benefits us besides mentally but to me that's why I was doing it. To prove to myself that I can do it just with limitations don't live like your dead & so my son can enjoy the amenities of what he pays for monthly we can enjoy outside as a family. I don't let him do anything he works that's his job it's my job to handle home that's respect, not going to lie though it's also I'm a leo & can't surrender my independence completely, too I can admit that but truly 100% of it is because we deserve it. But I've intentionally kept myself active with shit daily to do outside pushing myself to do it. I would start in the morning when that line of MS was felt I'd go inside lie down for a couple hours then get back up go back outside around 6pm until sometimes 11pm just depends on if what I started was completed even the stuff I used that day would be picked up & cleaned off everyday. Now there was times I pushed to hard but I would allow my MS to be mad at me, just like it allowed me to cross that line to learn my balance of respect.. I'm not saying I'm bulletproof but I can say I wore the shit out of my superhero Cape this summer. Hellz yeah
In a MS Menopausal Texan type of way
Julie-Ish
all day everyday
Kesimpta Question
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Just checking in...and happy Easter!
MS...NOT FOR WHIMPS!
Living with MS
