How I'm doing...

[goatgal]

Thank you, Jes and Sue (Jesmcd2 and jimeka) for asking how it goes. I haven't posted an update, so here tis.The open ankle wound is obviously going to do what it's going to do. The UVA second opinion/consultation was good news and bad news: no surgery is necessary now, though maybe in another 6 months, there will be another answer. For now, just continue with what I am doing (dressing the open wound with silver ointment, bandage, followed by a struggle to put a compression stocking on the leg to reduce edema). And by the way, be sure to go to the emergency room if I start

a fever. Apparently I failed to carefully read the manual on aging,

especially the chapters dealing with broken ankles and recovery. Had I

paid closer attention, I would have learned that healing broken bones

and open wounds in the aging body takes a very, very long time. So I continue

to do as I am told, deal with the the moments when my ankle speaks loudly to me

and clomp about my day. The most damage done has been to my

confidence. My ego is fine with walking slowly with a limp, and my

tolerance for pain and discomfort has always been high (thank goodness

because it is a constant presence) but my confidence is shaken.

MS caused foot drop, which means I walk toes down

first, making me prone to tripping. MS has also affected my balance.

Together, this is a bad combination, a variation of the old one-two.

The other day, while Matt was here working on making two high garden beds (because I am loathe to get down on hands and knees like I was once able to), I was raking leaves, (which have been lying on what passes for a lawn since I fell in September)

tripped on a root or stone, and fell onto my hands and knees. Only my

confidence was bruised so I didn't need to call Matt to help me (in

truth, I don't think he noticed). But because communication between my

brain and those far away attachments (my legs) is full of static, It

took me a few attempts to figure out how to get up from my position.

Oddly, this is no longer an automatic process. Formerly, in my youth,

when I fell, I would get up. Now, when I fall, a

cognitive, step by step process is required; which my brain has to work out a

puzzle: in essence, "okay, she's down and wants to get up; let's see

how to do this: let's try moving the left knee forward a bit. No, not

that much; back a little, OK, that's about right. Now, put each hand

out in front of you, directly under your shoulders. Oh, the ground

isn't level there? OK, move a little to your right. Let's try this

again. Don't worry about the right ankle, you won't be using it until

you are on your feet again." All the while, the right ankle is interrupting: " remember me? Hey, remember me? I'm here. Don't forget about me.!!!"Then, finally in position, I can push off and rise to my feet, dust myself off, locate and pick up the rake and

resume raking.

Inner dialogues like this run constantly, accompanying

me through each day as I go about all the little tasks that give

meaning to my life. I have learned that I am less likely to stumble

and fall and more likely to remain upright if I remain conscious of my

limitations and proactively problem solve. For instance, I have a flat

nursery wagon on the porch. I take it down the ramp and unload

groceries or feed sacks from the trunk of the car onto it, then take

the load to the house or the shed. At the shed, I have a sturdy flat

saucer with a tow rope attached; there I need only to transfer a 50#

sack from the wagon bed to the saucer, go up the steps into the shed

and drag the sled up the ramp. Voila, done! Chicken feed is now in the shed.

At the house, the wagon can go right into the kitchen and be unloaded

there. And should a heavy parcel need to come to the house from the

gate, again the wagon is the vehicle to use. As the little girl once

said to a librarian who presented her with a stack of books in which

to do research, "this is more about penguins than I want to know", so

I apologize for describing the minutiae of my life.

I do get depressed a bit, and when I am silent, it's because I don't want to whine. I am doing fine, just impatient for this particular learning experience to be in the past.

[jimeka]

It just shows that life never stops teaching us lessons. I am sure that in this stage of your life there are lessons that you do not want to learn but they have become a necessity. Thank you very much for the update of your ankle, I hope it continues to heal as much as is possible, I know you will be diligent in looking after your ankle and wound. Enjoy what you can in your garden and make the most of it. I actually got out in my garden for a hour today, but now the neck and arm are letting me know I shouldn’t have done it but I just so enjoy gardening. Keep smiling Goatgal, and I hope your dogs are enjoying being outside with you, big hug, Jimeka 😂

[goatgal in reply to jimeka]

jimeka My misadventures can be blamed on overconfidence and an unseasonably warm March day when sunshine called me out and tempted me to overdo. But after being stuck inside from September through mid February, I was a wee bit over eager. As for lessons learned, I seem to be a slow learner. It also seems to me that some of these lessons are presented over and over again, and I keep failing to master them. It is so hard to watch where I am going when daffodils are surprising me with their green spears, and quince buds are rosy with possibility...and the moles are corregating the lawn with their tunnels and Molly is making dirt fly and leaving craters in their pursuit. With so much to savor, it is hard to watch my feet.

[jimeka in reply to goatgal]

Just watch those mole holes, I still laugh at your description of Molly and the moles. Go careful Goatgal, but have fun and enjoy 😊 hugs Jimeka 🤗

[BigMar7]

Goatgal thanks so much for sharing. I admire your positive attitude to carry on with your life. I hope your ankle continues to heal. You are my hero! 🦸‍♀️😀❤️😎

[goatgal in reply to BigMar7]

BigMar7 Thank you, but I'm having a little trouble with my superwoman cape at the moment. It seems to be tangled on something.

[falalalala]

I hope you get up and at 'em soon.

A friend recommenced this to me and I told him to get lost.

(No,I didn't.This gadget might actually be helpful)

gardeners.com/buy/garden-kn...

[jimeka in reply to falalalala]

I use one of those but it’s made of reinforced plastic, it cost me £5. I have 2, one for the front garden and one for the back, so then I am not carrying everywhere. They are great. I bought one for my friend, who is an avid gardener, really worth it. 👍

[falalalala in reply to jimeka]

I do think I might get one this year.

I also saw one that rocks back and forth so one can lean forward.My flower bed is on a slight slope so it would make for a wild adventure.Lol!

[goatgal in reply to falalalala]

falalalala My neighbor has one with a tractor seat that rocks back and forth. The seat is adjustable in height, and tilts or swivels. She is very happy with it. If you can try one out before buying, it might be a good idea. My thigh and lower back spasm when I sit and lean forward and I struggle to rise from seats that are low. Since I am alone most of the time, whatever I use has to work without someone nearby. The kneeler works well even with the thigh spasms because I can extend my leg straight behind me to stretch out the muscle or rise by using the side bars. It's such a useful item for aging gardeners that I give them to friends as birthday gifts with a packet of seeds.

[falalalala in reply to goatgal]

You're so considerate of your friends! What a nice gift.

I believe the kneeler with the handle bars would be my best bet.Or maybe a small go cart so I can take off and avoid the chore altogether,.

[goatgal in reply to falalalala]

falalalala When I win the lottery (unlikely since I never buy tickets), I will hire someone to do the weeding for the two of us!

[falalalala in reply to goatgal]

I'd do the same for you if I ever bought tickets.Ha ha!

[Kenu]

Really sounds like you have adapted to change and figure out how to do it 👍. Glad you’re doing better and hope your ankle heals quickly 🙏😉. Ken 🐾🐾

[goatgal in reply to Kenu]

Kenu Thank you very much.

[RoseySawyer]

I hope you get better soon. 😊❤🌷

[goatgal in reply to RoseySawyer]

RoseySawyer Thank you. It's a slow process, but it is sure to occur.

[greaterexp]

You are a real trooper to come through all you've been through for so many months. And you're not whining! It's good to vent off some of that steam. It's good to hear that you are still working hard at getting well.

[goatgal in reply to greaterexp]

greaterexp Thank you. I seem to have taken to heart all the tales I read as a child, especially the one about the little engine that could. I think I can, I think I can...

[Juliew19673]

I loved your narration and my mind speaks MS as well! I thought I was in a small group that gave voices to "Mind Conversations."

[goatgal in reply to Juliew19673]

Juliew19673 In 2002 I tripped, fell, and broke my left wrist, requiring several surgeries, an external fixation bar, and a one and a half year of physical therapy in order to regain use of my left hand. It was during that time that these internal conversations between my brain and body became more fluent. This awareness has been with me since childhood, but previously it was muted. The wrist fracture taught me to not only listen to the messages being sent, but to respond. When I finally spoke aloud about this with my hand therapist, she encouraged me, assured me that I wasn't crazy (as I had sometimes worried) and said that the ability to observe, listen and respond would continue to be an asset in managing pain and healing. Just this morning, I whacked that left wrist on the hen coop door and it responded with an electric pain, sharp enough to make me catch my breath and stop me in my tracks; but that part of my brain responded almost instantaneously, in essence saying, "whoa there, calm down, you're fine, nothing happened" and the pain immediately faded. It still feels crazy admitting this so publicly, but it is what I do and how I stumble through life.

[DIsneyQueen]

Hi goathirl, glad you are healing. Keep following “orders”. I enjoyed your description about falling and the thought that goes along with the actual physical aspect of what we go through with such an activity that used to be so easy and brainless. Unless you have MS you don’t get the part of the disease that is often so exhausting, that you have to constantly think everything through. Thanks again for sharing 😁

[goatgal in reply to DIsneyQueen]

DisneyQueen Every time I watch an athlete leaping into the air to throw or catch a ball, swinging a racquet or a bat, jumping from a dive board into water, or walking a balance beam and making a dismount look effortless, I am awestruck at how smoothly the human body was designed to work optimally. Every process that I must think through because of what has occurred to the connections between impulse and reaction (and every step I take so gracelessly) is the result of so many systems working together. And like many other people, though I have always been a klutz and never in the least athletic, I assumed that automaticity would always be mine.

[DIsneyQueen in reply to goatgal]

I used to be quite an athlete so just thinking about walking and lifting my foot up so I don’t trip over my toes with my foot drop is constant. I tell my husband when you have to think about every little thing you do that it is exhausting. So when he asks me what I want for dinner and I say I don’t care, I am just not being accommodating, I really just don’t want to think or make one more decision. LOL!😁

[Juliew19673 in reply to DIsneyQueen]

It IS exhausting think 24/7 about every twinge, or plotting out your needed path, every step.

[goatgal in reply to Juliew19673]

Juliew19673 This is one of the hidden aspects of MS, this need to be constantly aware of where we walk, the mental processes we take on to accomplish all that we do, and the toll we pay from our energy reserves. Everyone without MS understands how physical effort brings on fatigue, but only a few understand that mental effort has the same cost.

[Sandydemop]

Thank you for posting goatgal You are still gardening so kudos to you! I know that inner dialogue. Doesn't everybody talk to themselves like that?

[livewell2 in reply to Sandydemop]

Yep

[4fishylady]

Oh my goodness, goatgal. You remind me of me, pushing yourself so hard. Please back off a little. If you aren't very, very careful, you're liable to mess up your other leg, then where will you be? Let yourself heal, before you break something else! Hugs!

[Jesmcd2 CommunityAmbassador]

Get some braces for that foot drop women!! Life is always teaching us new ways to do things isn't it? 😔 We don't always like it, but we adapt and overcome! And YOU DID AND ARE!!! 🤗💕

J🌌

[livewell2]

I use a walking stick and rollator walker in the yard Goatgal. If I need to walk to the garden shed or anywhere on uneven ground I use the walker to get there. Once inside the garden shed or chicken coop I have a walking stick or cane, and of course also hold to anything that doesn't move. You can also use the rolator for hauling or carrying items. Just another safety measure helpful tool to help my mind and body stsy upright.