Caregiver tips

[carehound]

I am a caregiver for my wife. We have been dealing with MS and it’s effects for about 13 years now. Everytime I think I have a handle on it; oops, I spoke too soon. I would appreciate telling me things that we do as caregivers that you love/ hate. Thanks! And keep on keepin on!

[Tinker-Belle]

I don't really have any specific advice but as a person who has a husband as a caregiver, I wanted to say, "Thank you." We may not always say it but, personally, I am so appreciative. It is so important to me to have somebody who does not trivialize what I am going through. He refuses to call me an invalid even though I pretty much am. To him, I am his wife....no different than the day he married me. I am thankful for his constant care, sense of humor, willingness to do whatever it takes, and for being a trooper when my MS rages to a boiling point or has me sinking into the depths of despair. Your presence is the best gift you can ever offer.

[carehound in reply to Tinker-Belle]

I always seem to overdo it and she gets frustrated when I get frustrated. We haven’t had relations since our honeymoon and I must be giving off vibes because she’s become despondent lately. Considering couples counseling.

[greaterexp]

I agree with Tinker-Belle . When chronic illness enters our lives, we feel “less than” at times. Our abilities used to define us, but now that our abilities are diminished, most of us struggle with feeling that we have no value.

Your steadfastness helps point out your spouse’s worth. Help your wife know how important she is to you, no matter what she can or can’t do physically, and try to help her feel she is still part of your team.

Though I tell my husband constantly how much I appreciate him, I still feel as though I can’t do that enough. I’m sure your wife is very grateful for you. I hope you can understand during times when it’s difficult for her to express it.

Perhaps you will share what you, as a caregiver, need from those you care for. We can become too centered on our heavy load of needs as patients and forget our spouses’ needs.

Thanks for asking. We wish you well and thank you for caring.

[carehound in reply to greaterexp]

That’s exactly what is going on. Eloquently stated what I could not. I’ve tried to get caregivers from my wife’s support group to meet once a month, but so far there isn’t enough interest.

[greaterexp in reply to carehound]

I wish for your sake that there could be more interest. Perhaps people already feel overwhelmed, though it sure seems as though it would be helpful.

I hope you come here as often as you like. It’s not the same as meeting with others face to face, I know, but it’s still a very good experience.

[livewell2]

My husband is a wonderful help mate. I appreciate all that he does, which is a lot. Where I get frustrated is when he begins to do more for me than I need him to do. I.E. empty the dishwasher or clothe dryer. I know they are little things, but a long as I CAN do them, I want to be the one to do them. I want to hang onto every little thing I can do for as long as I can. When I can no longer do certain things, I will let him know. Until then, let me do it!

If he would just simply ask me before he does these little chores and accepts that I want to do them myself, even if I may seem to struggle with it, it would alleviate a lot of frustration on both our parts.

Hope this helps.

[carehound in reply to livewell2]

That’s exactly what I need to remember is asking her before I do anything!

[livewell2]

I know for my husband, he does not like to see me struggle so he instinctively wants to jump in and do for me. It is a hard balancing act for sure. Personally, I like to struggle until I figure it out for myself that I cannot do certain things. I will be the first to cry uncle if I need help.

Your wife is lucky to have you care for her