I am learning that humor goes a long way to diffuse the anxiety that other people have when they encounter a handicapped person maneuvering in their immediate space. Whether it is with a cane, a rollator, a scooter, or a wheelchair, it can be hard to get around in public spaces, and hard to do so gracefully!
I'm wondering what humor other people use too and whether we can share ideas. For me, people look like they don't know what to do when they see me approaching and I dread getting onto, or off of, a crowded elevator with my scooter! Interjecting a little humor, I find, helps smooth things over.
I like to make fun (lightly) of my driving. When exiting an elevator, I’ll comment on how I'm trying not to roll over anyone’s toes, how I really should get one of those backup mirrors, those "reverse" beeping sounds, etc. -- anything to add levity to the situation! If I’m using my walker, and someone is nice enough to hold the door for me, but I can only move at a painfully s-l-o-o-o-w pace, (argh!) I’ll tell them, “I’m sorry. This is my top speed!” I can see it breaking the tension by the look on their faces. When someone opens the door for me, or maybe two, I’ll ask them, “Can I take you with me today?” Not super funny, but it helps!
(Don't misunderstand me, I'm not advocating for self-deprecation, just a little humor to oil some awkward situations!)
How about you?! What do YOU say to others to add a little levity? Do you find that it helps?
Written by
Nom_De_Plume
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It's been trickier than I expected to learn how to maneuver those electric shopping carts. I've nearly run into people a couple of times. I've apologized and said, "I'm sorry. I haven't yet found the turn signals." Their faces changed from looking annoyed to kindness.
I'll be grateful to keep reading others' ideas. Thanks for bringing up this topic.
I have to let you know something about those carts make sure you check the battery I was in one and it died my husband was in the store and I called him he said he would be there he wasn't. Some one came down the isle she asked me if I was alright and I said no and told her that the battery died and I needed AAA auto club and she said she would get someone she got someone before my husband did. My point is always check the charge that it is good to go.
ssdw1958 So true. Ensure your own scooter is well-charged too, if using one. No fun breaking down. I like how you referenced AAA! Thanks for adding to the conversation!
greaterexp I'm at the point where I'm going to have to use those (bleepity-bleep) shopping carts, but the fear I'll run into shelves or worse yet...people has kept me from doing so.
Between your learning to use the shopping cart and using the right humor @Non_De_Plume acquires will certainly make it better.
I've found the humor I've been using when I use my cane gets either gets a sad smile or an understanding look when the door is being held. What I said today was...
"Slow and steady wins the race" or "I've always been a bigger fan of turtles can you tell?" Yeah, I know neither is really funny.
jennie62 I know how you feel! I was shy about using one at first, but that quickly changed after I tried it! They're fun!! The energy they save and the ability they give me to shop longer have me hooked. If I have to grocery shop, then I go when I know the store will be less crowded.
I was traveling out of state, went to the grocery store later in the day, and it was almost empty. I told my friend to get into the other scooter and we had a blast!
I hope you'll give the store scooters a try sometime soon.
Thank you so much for telling me! Now I want to go shopping and use a cart! I haven't laughed so much since I started reading these replies! Between using the carts and the laughter I feel much better!
Here's a good one, I tried to put an @ in front of your name, but wrote it out wrong...Non_De_Plume...not very French is it! Hee hee hee
Great!! Yeah the carts can be big and bulky so you feel very conspicuous in them, but it is so liberating to be able to shop again, that I got over that quickly. Warning, when you put them in reverse, the "backing-up" sounds are often so loud that you'd swear a MAC truck was in the store, but you'll get used to that too. Sometimes I'll go out of my way not to have to back up so that I can avoid that sound!
It's also good to go to another town for your first try. I bet you'll like it!
You could part the Red Sea with one of those carts! Everyone jumps out of the way!
A friend, who is disabled from other causes, and I went shopping together and both used the electric shopping carts. I'm almost ashamed to tell you that we raced down a wide (empty!) aisle. I was only a rookie driver, so she won. I'm nearly ready for Indy!
greaterexp Don't be ashamed! It's fun if done responsibly, as you did. My friend played bumper carts with me off-and-on in a nearly-empty store. I was conscientious about not horsing around and abusing the privilege of having the carts to use, but we snuck in a little fun too.
WONDERFUL! Wish they had them when I was young and nothing worried me. Hmmm, I could always ask my son-in-law to take out an electronic cart with me. Hee hee then I know we'll have a good time.
Let me tell you that I was in a big retail store I hit one of there displays for hanging clothes oh my goodness I moved that thing about 3 feet let me tell you I moved fast 💨 to get out of there. Be safe.
Ok this is a good one if I am close to someone when I have my rollator I'll say don't get to close I don't have insurance I don't want to hit you, or I will say the insurance on this is probably too high anyway. It does make people feel more at ease or this is a good one when I'm in my rollator or using my wheel chair and they open the double doors I'll say I didn't think I was that big. Sometimes that will break the ice and sometimes it won't. Or I like this one don't worry about it I only run over my husband . Sad about that I do he is usually to close to me.
But you know what ticks me off is when I'll be going in or out a door and there is someone there and they basically should the door on you. And i always say to my self your day will come and that Will happen to you. Sad so sad.
But I would and will not wish this or any disease on anyone friend or fro ( not sure 🤔 on the spelling)
ssdw1958 I agree, sometimes I get a great response from people, and then I'll use the same tongue-in-cheek comment with someone else, and it falls flat. Oh well. I think its worth the effort anyway! Thanks for sharing your ideas!
We have to do and what we have to do some times I feel like I am an Alien When I am in the wheelchair (people give me a strange look) usually I am beings pushed by someone because about a year and half ago I got a flu shot and my left shoulder I had what is called frozen shoulder which hurt so bad.
It is finally getting somewhat better. When I got my Wheelchair I asked if they give lessons they said know I knew I was going to have trouble.
When I had frozen shoulder I told my sister you won't believe it she told me she had it lucky us. What was wild I heard that two other people also had it. It is really painful I still can't reach completely behind my back with my left arm.
When I first had it we were trying to go somewhere and my husband was helping me put on my jacket he was behind me and my son came in front of me he told his dad to stop mom is crying. He didn't know I was crying that is how painful it can be.
I love the insurance being too high! I'm going to use that!
I have to say I haven't had anyone close a door on me YET, but my mom and dad usually go in front of me. They don't take diddly from anyone and I've been sneaking in after them...hahaha
Great idea! I hate the silent stares and never know what to say. As my hubby says, I was born w/o a funny gene. So I'm eager to hear suggestions for tremors, poor coordination, near falls, difficulty with word finding? 😜
erash There's gotta be lots of funny comments out there, right? The other nice thing about it is it makes us feel good about these situations too. Its a win-win!
I once boarded a sight-seeing boat a few years back with a cane (and my boyfriend's assistance). This adorable little boy came up to me, and with the candor kids are known for, said, "Lady, why do you have a candy cane?" I said, "Because, I'm an elf!" He laughed and said, "Naw!" Judging from my size that this could not be true, he still looked at me quizzically. So then, I gave him a more satisfying, but kid-friendly, answer that my leg was a little broken and the cane helped me to walk. He was okay with this. I offered to let him try the cane while I sat, but he didn't want anything to do with it! His parents and I had a little chuckle.
Candy Cane! I LOVE IT! Because my granddaughter isn't quite 2 yet she loves using my cane as her walking tool and I enjoy watching her wander around with it. There's nothing better than giving a child a chance to try something she might've been afraid to do when she got too old to ask. Sounds like you sure gave the young man an answer that gave him a laugh.
I have an unfinished wooden cane that I bought specifically so that I could paint it like a candy cane and use it around the holidays. Why not have a little fun? Maybe I'll get around to actually painting it this year...
I had gone to my neighbors house and her grandson was crawling along he saw my cane and desired to hold on to my cane and get up it was a good thing I was sitting down or all of us would have gone down.
When I can't come up with a word, I've thought about saying I'm inviting others to play Madlibs with me. Remember the fill in the blank stories in which you fill in the blank with a random verb, noun, etc?
I love Madlibs! I got my daughter doing them when she was younger and she loves them too. Now I know why I had so much fun with them and now I can use them when I can't remember the right word! What a great idea!
greaterexp That's another line I'm going to use! I used to dance (badly....) and now I only stagger and kinda trip so that line will fit perfectly! HAHAHA
jennie62 , you can offer to teach them the "new" dance step. You're sure to do it better than they can, since our problems make our dances all originals!
That word finding is pain it's like you can see the word but thatyou just can't say it. When we go through a drive through I had to tell my husband don't rush me he finally got it. He is a good man but he has to realize I am not fast anymore he needs deal with it deal with it.
I try to put a bright side on everything, by the grace of God we are each not giving up ! My favorite ones I use ....when I do something that would be custom MS - trip or irritate myself b/c I cant remember something someone needs right now . ... I say well the sun will still rise somewhere in the world anyhow.
or I tell them I am focused today looking for positives - I will have to settle for " I am consistent "
I've been decorating my cane/scooter/walker and people comment on how pretty it is - I painted my cane with puffy dots so that it looks like candy, and I put ribbons on my scooter
Many years ago I worked at Michaels as the bookkeeper and never had any money left over from being paid because I always loved getting art supplies! One being the puffy paints! Have fun decorating!
I when to funeral last week and my son who is 20 years old with him and I went to receive the eucharist and I had asked a gentleman who worked at the funeral home if my wheelchair could make it down there well he said yes and so my son push me down and let me tell you something I had to have him stop I hit the wheel of the instrument that holds the casket I almost had a heart attack because I was afraid he was going to knock it off it stand I asked him to stop I Motion to the priest to come to me and give me the Eucharist with my son then I motion to my son to turn around oh my goodness that would've been terrible. After the end of the mass I spoke with the Priest he said to me I thought you were going to get through but you didn't and I said I was afraid something bad was going to happen. I think someone was keeping an eye on use. In my sons defense he couldn't see what I was seeing. My word to all be very careful.
I have to tell you one thing the only place I feel comfortable with the wheelchair or with anything is at Beth Israel Deaconess Hospital because you know what that's where there are so many other people with the same issues That's where I see my doctors is
I somehow overlooked your reference to BIDMC! Wow. I knew you were likely in MA but didn't realize you were that close! My PCP is there! Is your MS doctor there? Do you like him/her? I live near Framingham. 😊
Nom_De_Plume great question!!!! I do the exact same things. I am a smart ass by nature. So if I have my walker and have to back up into an elevator I always goof around. Like making the back up sound myself. Or say "ladies and gentlemen, please keep your hands and feet inside the vehicle at all times. Not responsible for broken to missing limbs!" I always make fun of myself. If you can't laugh at yourself. Life isn't worth it. To me anyway. I am also that 43 yr old that thinks farts are funny. The day they are not funny. Please please shoot me! I also always make a comment about my weight! I am not fat or big by any means. But I have gained about 45lbs since my disability leave. So I am 225lbs and 5'10" a little pudgy. So I will say hold the door for the slow fat guy! Actually always gets me a compliment! So it works in my favor! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! The other thing I do is get places early. That way. If the elevator is full. I can honestly say. Oh Thank you so much. Im to fat and slow. You guys go on! I try to be respectful of other peoples time frames instead of my own.
I Love this conversation! Thank you for starting it!
rlh1974 Thanks so much for jumping in with your suggestions! Guys are naturals at this stuff. It must have something to do with the mechanics of moving walkers, scooters, etc. and their love for cars and such.
Speaking of which, the scooter I have is very different and doesn't scream "handicapped." It is lightweight and I am always fascinated by how it is a guy-magnet. They zero in on it, want to know how it is powered, the mechanics, and I suspect they're dying to take it for a test drive. Lol. It is an unexpected benefit to having a scooter.
Back to moving around. Yes, you gotta make fun of yourself. It helps alleviate feeling self-conscious somehow. It engages the people around you and you feel less isolated by this small exchange. Like you said, it's a plus when you hear compliments or nice comments from people that might otherwise have stayed silent. It's also important to try to make fun wherever you can, right? It lets off steam and real life is funny. Farts, well, I find them funny when other people do them!
Siblings are great for suggestions. They don't hold anything back and I often share my silly conversations that I have with my sister with other people to break the ice when I'm struggling to move. My sister said I just need to get a cattle prod so I can zap my leg to get it moving. She also suggested that I just get a skateboard to put under the one foot that I have trouble lifting. If I can work that into a conversation, its great. Sometimes people are horrified, which I secretly find funny, but other times I'll get a real belly laugh and it works.
If an elevator is full, I'll say, "I'll wait for the next one" and add "I need a wide berth with this thing." If I'm using the scooter, I try to get on an empty elevator so I can turn it around once inside. If that isn't an option, or there is 1-2 people inside, I'll try to turn it and say, "Sorry. They need to tighten the turning radius on these things."
It's so true about giving yourself extra time. I find it increasingly difficult to do so when it takes me longer and longer to do the things I need to do to get out the door, but having that extra cushion of time makes all the difference!
My husband and I were at the top of a steep ravine overlooking a waterfall at a park when I said that I wished I could get a closer look. He then said,"Ok,I'll let you go! Use your brakes judiciously!!" I laughed my head off when I saw the expressions on the faces of the people around us!
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