Feeling restless and not sure why.

[karenmbloom]

Woudn't call it blue, not crabby, not worried about anything in particular. Perhaps a nagging feeling of dread/unknown....tomorrow my son and his 3 month old son will come and wipe my emotional slate to joy. I am a very spiritual person and believe in leaving things to God...I don't worry about tomorrow because He's already there.

I'm a paraplegic who depends on health aids to come in each morning and evening and use the hoyer lift to get me up/down/dressed....I built a ihouse for wheelchair living and my 85 year old father lives with me now. (We take care of each other as he has copd and uses walker). I volunteer at a senior living center so I have no qualms about eventually ending up in assisted living.

Not sure what I'm feeling....but I definitely need to let it go.....

,

[jimeka]

Karen you say you are a paraplegic, can you still feel pain and if so are you on medication because if so is the medication making you feel blue? You do wonderfully well looking after your Dad, and tomorrow will be a real blessing seeing your grandson. Each child brings their own love with them when they are born, heaven sent. Enjoy 😊 blessings Jimeka

[karenmbloom in reply to jimeka]

I have full feeling, but can't move to save my life. Neuro added lexapro when dx as "precaution". GP just adjusted as life became overwhelming a couple years ago. Gave up 30+ years career in newspapers, last 5 in chair...had some major surjeries related to ms, to name a few. I go thru this short term and have to set a limit on my own pity type party. I'll have a loud conversation with God , and sometimes even yell at Satan to get out of my head and heart). Today was errand day..productive but a reminder of how lacking dependence is in my life.

[jimeka in reply to karenmbloom]

That's what I find, loosing your independence, screaming material. Like you I have had shouting matches when I am on my own, but we soldier on and keep smiling. We have to accept what we have been given and remember that satan is a defeated foe, that we can laugh at. God bless Jimeka

[CalfeeChick CommunityAmbassador in reply to jimeka]

Losing our independence! Although I have all that I need and more right here at home, I feel the loss of my independence.. sometimes just want to yell or throw something!

[karenmbloom in reply to CalfeeChick]

So true CalfeeChick. I can no longer imagine just hopping in the car and running to the store because I have a craving or really need something. I think that is what set me off yesterday. I have a home health aid take me grocery shopping and due my other errands on Saturdays. I get all I need accomplished, and am on thankful for the waiver program so i can have help in my home....but dang, i wish i could just do it. So when all is said and done on saturdays, i often (out of exhaustion too) get blue over not being able to do it myself. Just imagine both of us yelling and throwing things in the same room...altho we may end up in laughter

[jackiesj in reply to karenmbloom]

Have they checked your heart lately/They can do a chemical stress test to check.This can be a symptom of anything from thyroid malfunction etc but recently i had a "spell" of such which gave me thankfully 4 heart stents.Yes, if ill of course depression can hit visa versa but a good doc wont go its all mental.You do certainly have stressors...best wishes.

[GasLight]

I try to give thanks for such awkward days, recalling that God may sometimes visit them upon us, for contrast and perspective. No doubt, your experience tomorrow with your son and his young child will be even sweeter now by comparison (much in the same way that we uniquely appreciate sunny days, after a gloomy storm).

Prayers and blessings,

-- Christopher

[karenmbloom in reply to GasLight]

Thanks ...your words mean a lot.

[karenmbloom in reply to GasLight]

Where would we be without God....yes, holding my grandbaby close and seeing him thrive brings joy. He'll be dedicated at church on the 19th in the christening gown my mother, I and then my son wore. My grandbaby is the first in the next generation to wear it. My grandmother made it from her wedding dress for her children..the only child to not wear it was my nephew...and that is because my sister had twins and only one could wear it, so the girl twin did!

[GasLight in reply to karenmbloom]

Talk about "a time to rend and a time to sew"-- I've never heard of a wedding gown being so beautifully re-purposed. Thanks for sharing it, karenmbloom

-- c

[greaterexp]

Karen, whatever you're feeling, whether you can name it or not. I'll be praying that you feel better very soon. Having your visitors will sure be a bright spot.

I've had new emotions since my diagnosis, and some are new and strange and not always something I can name. I don't know if it's directly or indirectly related to MS, but I can usually pray it away.

Enjoy your visit, and I pray you'll feel clearer and just better.

[karenmbloom in reply to greaterexp]

We would not tolerate this monster without our faith. Blessings.

[erash]

karenmbloom live in the moment and enjoy your son and grandsons visit. You are already a hero and survivor to me. Keep living your life with that inner strength and great attitude!

[karenmbloom]

Thanks. Sometimes it is exhausting keeping the positive going...but I must not give in.

[Eleyne92]

Good morning, karenmbloom . A blessed Sunday to you and I hope your day is all you expect. Enjoy your family.

I too am paraplegic, but I have the use of my upper body. Often, when I find myself feeling dissatisfied or restless or blue it's due to too much "me" focus. I've been doing/reading/watching too much negative or unproductive stuff ... especially computer games and Facebook. What I call "time sucks" are really more than just time wasters. They're SHEDs ... Serious Happiness and Energy Drainers. It's time for a refocus, even if that means cleaning the bathroom.

[karenmbloom in reply to Eleyne92]

How right you are. I have upper body also, altho weakening on left side. I say God took my legs to give me time to paint (I'm an artist). Between parenting and demanding career I would go a year w/out picking up a paint brush. Now I do everyday. I went on disability four years ago after working five years in the chair and remained successful. (When I could no longer transfer to toilet it was time..) I vowed to never watch daytime TV-and dont. I gave myself a year but vowed to take up volunteering. I do in three ways. Those are good days - exhausting, but good. I keep a scripture/prayer journal in my bedroom, art room and kitchen. So when Satan starts to intrude (and he does!) I have no excuse not to focus in the heavenly way. Blessings to you....