I can’t tell reality - psychosis?

[Cherryfizz34]

I was at my brothers today and kept thinking , “they don’t want me here, screw you all” they have kids. And I didn’t think the kids wanted me there either. But it was the 13 year olds bday and I completely forgot her. That’s what I do to survive. I don’t know what’s going on with me but that’s an intrusive thought? For the pain of not being in their lives a lot I think I subconsciously forget them.

The 10 year old taught me the “normal” way to play uno. And added my avatar on super Mario brother switch video game 🎮 system they had.

They want me to remember them and they want me to show shame.

They came up to the door and hugged me today, it caught me off guard because for years they weren’t allowed to hug me until they were going home and I was warm or normal or something.

I gotta stop acting ducked up. Running 🏃‍♀️ and using that to align myself help. I don’t forgive the doctor that ducked up my health. But switch docs and now I just have to do something about the duality.

My brother and sister in law think I’m lucky because I get to do what I want, and they get made fun of too. My psychiatrist gets made fun of if I act erratic.

The ocd - I guess it tells me, “ no one likes me” when they do. We just all have our insecurities.

[Mcfly64]

Are you taking medication?

[Cherryfizz34 in reply to Mcfly64]

Take medication. But certain medication mess you up and make the ocd worst. Those years the kids can’t come near me. I probably won’t see them again for another 6 months. But when the 10 year old is telling me on dance dance revolution I can just do my arms and don’t have to wiggle my butt, they understand a bit.

I still don’t see them often. But a benzodiazepine for me helps with anxiety. It calms me down, sometimes numbs me but I don’t look at private parts because I’m too busy staring at the wall.