Coping with mum in care home

[Katya3]

Hi all, I am a lifelong migraine sufferer any my partner has fibromyalgia. Following a fall and emergency admission to hospital we recently moved my 95 year old mum from her house 60 miles away in to a care home near us. She is settling reasonably well but the strain of visiting her several times a week, sorting out Power of Attorney and being responsible for clearing and selling a house 2 hrs drive away is making us both more ill than usual. My work is also suffering due to the constant calls on my time and leisure time is a distant memory. Has anyone else been in this situation and any suggestions for handling it - or what to say to well meaning friends who say it must be so much easier for you all to be close together.

[blinc]

So sorry to hear about this; times like these are sent to test us for sure. Your & your husband's health are number one priority. Your mum presumably is being well cared for. Can you reduce your visits to once a week for starters, to ease things on you a little? Do not be judged by others, least of all yourself; if you are unwell, you are good to no - including your mum or yourself. Be kind on yourself. It may be that your mum is not aware of the passage of time, that others can visit, hopefully staff are wonderful there, equally I'm sure she would not want to feel you were badly suffering physically under the strain at this time. Once the extra admin (house, power of attorney etc) has been completed, you can look to visiting more regularly again, but at the moment, it doesn't make sense to put yourself under what sounds like totally unsustainable pressure: I suggest you put a swift stop to it, gently explain to your mum if appropriate, & brush aside any well meaning comments from others where necessary. I do wish you well & hope all gets sorted quickly, god bless you. x

[ChrissieMons]

I understand the whirlwind you’re in a bit. Get all the help you can for the housework and buy easy meals - anything to reduce the time pressures. In the evening, set a timer for, say 20 minutes, and just sit and breathe to help you relax. Sit up so you don’t nod off! Don’t get stressed about the house. You can deal with all that after Christmas. It will take ages anyway. Sometimes just calming your thoughts into some kind of order can help. As blinc says - look after yourself. Your mum would say the same.

[Katya3 in reply to ChrissieMons]

Thanks to all for such helpful advice. It is very difficult to remember to make time for yourself when someone you love is suffering but you are right that it is worth doing, Have a peaceful Christmas