9th July is a day of mixed emotions for me. It's the day I married my wonderful wife and and when my Mom died so suddenly.
In a cruel twist of fate, 9th July ended up becoming the biggest days of my life so far but not in the manner I had expected. After months of preparation and planning we followed tradition and consulted priests who assured us that 9th July was as an auspicious date as one could hope for. Instead it turned out to be the folk in the road of my life, one which has lead me on a journey full of thrilling turns, precarious crossings and dangerous dips.
On the eve of the wedding my mom went to bed with flu like symptoms but by the morning she was covered from head to toe in a rash. She was unable to focus her eyes, was in great pain and was violently sick. We had no idea what was going on and called for an ambulance. The paramedic took a look and we unsure too, so they took her in for some tests but felt that should would be ok. So with a sense of relief, I continued to the wedding venue with my aunt and brothers whilst my dad went with my mom in the ambulance. That was the last time I saw her alive. By the time I had returned from the wedding, unaware of what had been going on, she was brain dead and hooked up to a life support machine.
At just 49 years old her life had been cut short by Meningocal Septicemia.
It was the darkest time in my life and shook the very foundations of everything I believed. It took a lot of help, support and self education to be able to move forward.
What I came to learn through my experience was that life doesn’t unfolding in a straight path as we are so conditioned to believe, but rather that life is a set of twists and turns like a road which cuts through a mountain range. Sure, you have you straight roads where you are at full speed but sooner or later there is a hairpin turn which can surprise you.
You see change will affect all of us, when and where is seldom of our choosing. No matter how straight the road you are on right now is, at some point ahead there is a turn which is going to challenge you on every level and you need to be prepared for that otherwise you could find yourself nosediving off the edge of cliff.
So how do you prepare yourself?
None of us have crystal ball, all we know about the future is that it will be different. Dealing with change is a inner game, one that is played out in your mind. It’s how we think and how we cope with our emotions that really determines how successfully we over come disappointment, failure or loss.
The experience of losing my Mom sent me on journey through which I learned a number important lessons about dealing with change, challenge and adversity and today to honour her memory I thought I’d share 9 of my key lessons with you:
1. Beginning with the end in mind
Just like any other journey, before you set off it is important that you have a clear destination in mind. Most people make random decisions based on where they are are i life not where they want to be. The danger with that approach is that if you don’t where you are going, when you hit rough waters it is easy for you to be blown of course and difficult to get back on track. The clearer your destination, the more focused your activity and the greater your chance of success.
2. The most important step is the next one.
You may have heard of that famous saying “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step” and in moving forward from challenges nothing rings more true. No matter where you are in life, how you arrived there or what steps you have taken previously the most important step is the next one. It’s easy to get overwhelmed by what may need to get done, just focus on taking the next step no matter how small – it’s progress.
3. Surround yourself with people who will take you higher.
There is a theory that states that you become average of the people you most hang out with so be choosy about who you keep close to you. I’m not saying you should ditch your friends rather seek out additional ones who will take you higher, those who you aspire to be like or make you feel positive through their conversations, attitude and what they believe.
4. Take out the rubbish and detox your mind
Just as we should watch what we eat, so we should watch what we fill our minds with. What we focus on influences how we think, what we think creates our emotions and that in turn drives our actions which leads to our results. If you’re filling your mind with rubbish, guess what happens? That’s right – rubbish in, rubbish out! Put your mind on a diet of positive development by watching, reading and listening to information which will help you grow!
5. Stop taking your self so seriously
In the pursuit of our dreams we can become so focused, motivated and driven to achieve that we can become self consumed and start taking ourselves too seriously. When we do that our decision making suffers because we become obsessed with survival and fear begins to creep in. We need to learn to relax a little and learn to laugh at yourself sometimes. Yes, be serious about the work you do but be relaxed and you’ll find you’re a whole lot more approachable.
6. Be the responsible one.
Take total responsibility for everything that happens in your life. I don’t mean in the context of blame, I know you don’t deliberately cause problems – I mean in the context of ownership. You see your results are not defined by conditions but by the decisions you make. Everything you have in your life right now is the sum total of all decisions you’ve made – both consciously and unconsciously. When you start to accept responsibility, you stop looking for excuses and starting focusing on results. You begin to accept that change begins with you.
7. Learn the value of patience.
We live in an 24/7 always on world and have been condition to expect almost instant responses to emails, phones calls etc which I believe has led us to seek out silver bullet solutions for everything. The truth is success requires a level of persistence and patience, as it can take sometime for the results to show up. All to often we end up giving up when we are right on the cusp of a breakthrough – remember Rome wasn’t built in a day!
8. Don’t look back in anger.
When things go wrong it is easy to look back at decisions you may have made with regret, anger or frustration but those emotions do not serve you well. There is nothing you can do to change what has happened, all you can do is change the way you feel about it. One way is to focus your mind on the lessons by asking what the positive learnings are that you can apply to your future.
9. Move Your Body
One of the fastest ways to change your emotional state is to change your physiology. What I mean by that is your posture or your body position. When you move your body through exercise, playing sport, dancing, playing with the kids walking the dog or even just pacing around your living room you release natural ‘feel good’ chemicals into your blood stream which impact the way you feel. If you feel better or more positive you’ll have more energy to do the things you need to do.
2 years on since bacterial meningitis 
Bacterial meningitis sufferer 
Recovery after bacterial viral meningitis 
