my adult son with an IQ in early 80s wasn’t offered an appropriate adult when he was arrested for burglary to feed his drug habit, this wasn’t picked up on at the police station but it’s quite obvious he has a disability I would’ve been happy to be if I it had been arrested.. he’s sequentially addicted the office and been charged. He’s not told the police he’s vulnerable and vulnerable attract exploitation. What can I do?
*This post has been edited to remove inappropriate language*
Please don’t use ‘backwards’ or ‘subnormal’ to describe your son, it is so demeaning. He’s got a learning disability.
Can you help this person instead of judging? Sometimes a family are affected by the same issues. Be kind.
You’re right and I apologise but I find it deeply upsetting. I am autistic and my son has a learning disability. We are not ‘subnormal’. I’m not sure I can help but it does sound very wrong and the family need an advocate.
I understand. My son has autism and is in no way subnormal.
I don’t have experience of this either but sounds like an advocate is needed.
Best wishes.
It is true this person is asking for help but if we can't challenge use of language here, I don't know where we can. Using words like 'subnormal' and 'backwards' will not help in putting a case to the police or have them listen, it is hard to get beyond the gut reaction. With regard to the issue I would expect the police to respond and answer for their decision to not offer an advocate.
Thank you.
I agree. Thank you for calling out the use of offensive language. The reason why this is so important is because exposure to these kinds of derogatory remarks about people with LD normalises the terms and continues to perpetuate the myth that people with LD are less valuable, less human.👍
As somebody with a LD I also find this offensive but understand this person writing it is old and its hard to change things that they are teached
Yes, I understand that too. The issue is less about the person who is using these terms - there will always be a reason why people use these words be it age, anger management, lack of education, trying to impress peers, a belief in Eugenics or whatever - it is more to do with the impact using such language has within society because others hear or see it. If we don't call the act out (rather than judge the person who is using the terms) people carry on in blissful ignorance. 💐
Deborah have you been in touch with the police regarding your son. You need to inform them he is vulnerable if they don't already know, and remind them he needs an appropriate adult, which could be you. Has he been arrested before this would be on his records. If your able I would go to the police station, I don't think he can be charged without an appropriate adult being present. The police will advise you. I'm hoping also they might help him by getting in touch with the various drug rehabilitation schemes they will be privy too. Good luck Deborah life has been very difficult for you.
Both my children was labelled educationally subnormal and backwards in the 70s when they was children, I have written reports saying this. I was working the streets of Wakefield at the same time as the Yorkshire Ripper from prowling around and with this and being threatened having my two children taken into care homes made me get on the straight and narrow and off the heroin myself which is the 70's there was no help and it was hard. Thankfully my parents helped tremendously. Social services homes were horrid back then and rife with abuse. I was lucky. I wanted my boys at home and we got a bit of money from social security. In a lot of ways it was worse with stigma back then having two disabled children but the community was much tighter, in the 80s my just adult children attended the local training scheme for people with disabilities and my youngest son have friends, there is nothing like that now.. My youngest son has no activities during the day and he's bored and does drugs, I think doing drugs are in the blood because I was no stranger to drugs. He's in a bad crowd and they take advantage of him because of his vulnerabilities. Sorry if I offered anybody..
Deborah unless anyone has walked in your shoes they can't judge you. My son was born in 1974 and times were very different. My son lived with me till he was 41, initially labelled as having a learning disability. In 2014 I took him to the GP as he was suffering terrible anxiety about everything. He was then assessed by a psychologist who said he had severe learning disability, IQ of 47 and basically he's been misunderstood all his life and forgotten about in the system. Just in the last month he's been assessed by a psychiatrist who immediately after the assessment said he could confirm that he had ADHD. I had been saying this for years and NOBODY listened to me, fell on deaf ears. This is what happened to most born in 60s and 70s. Your life has been much harder having 2 boys with special needs. I also believe living up North didn’t help, things do seem better in parts of the South. As you say there was no support for parents like there is today, you didn’t question Drs or people in authority you accepted what they said. I had a career, did my General Nursing training SRN then Midwifery SCM but ended up having to give all that up when I was around 30 as I became a single parent and there was no childcare then. My parents were good too like yours but they both worked then. Well done to you for sorting your own life out and doing the best you can for your boys.
It’s ok Deborah, it’s just that term subnormal I hate it so much but I do understand things were a lot different a long time ago. You sound like an amazing mum who has done so much for your boys in very difficult circumstances. I hope you can get the help and support you need with the police, for your son.
My oldest son is doing good in his supported living home and he's settled.
Deborah, thank you for being so open. My own son was attacked about 10 years ago and needed a police advocate but did not get one because assumptions were made about his ability to give evidence. Assumptions are often made unfairly about people for all sorts of reasons by the authorities. If I were in your shoes I would firmly and gently be finding an officer higher up the ranks and asking why your son was not given a fair chance to represent himself and I would also ask Mencap campaigns to advise or support this. Sounds to me like you have faced some tough things in your time and you have my complete respect. I am also sorry that anyone had to hear their children described as if they are less than rather than meet understanding for their disabilities, and I'll be honest, those words do cause me to feel angry. You do not offend but the words do. My mother worked in one of those hospitals for the 'subnormal' in the 60s and 70s and it still shocks me that she was easy saying that knowing how kind she really was. I really wish you well.
Accessing GP records of adult son.
Buy-to-Let for Disabled Child
Exploring living options for my adult autistic son particularly HOLD scheme 
Care providers being allowed to continue to fail & aided by Social workers 
