Hi everyone,I'm a 41 year old man and I have a history of mental health conditions. I have diagnosed OCD, stress and anxiety.
I am currently in the process of being diagnosed with ADHD (more ADD) and I am having to go privately for this diagnosis, as the NHS referral I provided came back negative, despite the fact no one interviewed or met me. They just came to that conclusion via old school reports.
I have worked all my adult life and I went off long term sick in November 2022 and was subsequently sacked in May 2023 and I've been unemployed ever since.
Like I said, I have just started private assessments and the doctor I've seen this far has noted potential ADHD and Autism symptoms. The latter has come as a bit of a shock, but my partner determined some time ago that I might be afflicted with that.
For me that particular autism is to do with senses - seeing and reacting to things most people don't. I'm very empathetic and emotional, but I do see patterns everywhere, patterns that affect me and I very much hyperfocus on things most people regard as frivolous. I believe the ADD causes erratic hyperfocus and hobbies, where they chop and change without warning for me.
As a child I would often be disturbed if my routine changed and I struggled very much if I had to wear things like new clothes and if I had to get rid of old clothes. I'd describe the sensation of wearing something uncomfortable as 'feeling like diarrhea', which is obviously an odd expression.
If it turns out I do have autism, I don't think it's truly severe, compared to how it affects some people, but all the conditions together are having a major impact on me mentally and physically. I dated a girl with severe Asperger's syndrome and I struggled, as she self-harmed. I too have a history of suicide attempts.
At present I am just very confused what to do about things. I come from a family where maintaining a public face is very important and hiding feelings, emotions and being seen to be 'normal' is very important, but it's a family full of mental health issues. We all know in this day and age that 'normal' really doesn't tend to exist and we all have traits or quirks - no bad thing.
I'm basically looking for advice, assistance and any help people can give. I hope my experience can also be of some help and assistance to other people.
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Spud-u-Like1982
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My son has autism and ADD. When he was young we found that a zinc supplement made a huge difference to him, both in terms of the ADD and behaviour. From your post it sounds as if you have a high level of knowledge and understanding which has helped you get by. If the person assessing you does confirm a positive diagnosis, ask them for advice on where to get the help you need. Other than that, the National Autistic Society may be able to advise you.
Thank you for your response and the much appreciated information.I thought I was quite insightful with my own mental health, so the potential Autism diagnosis came out of left field. I just worry the NHS won't acknowledge it if obtained through private assessment.
I understand your concern. Check the qualifications of the person assessing you. 24 years ago we went for a private assessment as our son needed help and so did we. The Local Education Authority would not accept it - in my opinion it was just a tactic to try to prevent or delay them having to meet his educational needs. So we got on the waiting list for NHS. Luckily they did an initial appointment when he went on to the waiting list. The doctor asked us why, when we already had a diagnosis, were we wanting them to assess. We explained about the LEA. Doctor had the report from private assessor and said we had everything we needed. She wrote a letter confirming the diagnosis. Saved us a lot of time and got our son off their waiting list straight away. If you are worried about lack of NHS diagnosis, perhaps consider talking to your GP about whether you can ask for a second opinion, particularly as nobody even bothered to see you. It sounds as if they are not considering high-functioning autism, or not considering it as important.
Thank you for getting back to me. It sounds like it has always been a tricky route to go down. The private assessment is through Autism Scotland, but I'm still going to check with the private assessor to ensure any findings will be accepted, especially as it is a fair amount of money.The NHS is in a woeful state, but I feel it's made worse by the fact the Scottish Government insist on doing things differently to the rest of the UK, but they enjoy stirring things up.
Hi, my 34yr old was partially diagnosed aged 8yrs, then aged 30yrs, after inpatient stay, we finally got Diagnosises. It sounds like your Autistic Spectrum, which is the higher functioning end of Aspergers/Autism & ADD, which they say is now classed as ADHD. Yes that's where the Emotions, Empathetic & Hyperfocus on things you love, hobbies. You've had to Mask, as you say, act Normal because of Family, expectations etc. Private Assessment keep going with that, as it is very hard to get to be Assessed. Agree with the other comment, ask where you can get support, help with your Diagnosises, Community Spergers Team is one we have just been referred to, National Autistic Society are good for info, advice. Mencap here too, MIND, also Online Support Groups for Adult Support, Chats, share info & experiences. Maybe write a Diary of your daily struggles, you can apply for PIP, Universal Credit. When filling out Form, they say put your Worst day down, don't hide or smooth over, these are real struggles & your Entitled to help & support. Good luck & I would get knowledge on all your Diagnosises, so you can Advocate for yourself, to family, friends, work, colleagues etc. Look up Stimming things, to help yourself regulate emotions & anything that looks after your Wellbeing, Self-care.
Thank you for your response and useful information.One of the struggles I'm already facing is my Parents refuse to even potentially acknowledge the possibility of autism in relation to me. I think they are embarrassed by it.
I'm still very much under the thumb of my parents, which is causing a lot of friction with my other half. She refers to them as helicopter parents. I think with being an only child it's also resulted in my parents being quite protective over me. The really depressing thing is I don't know if I'd cope if left on my own, as I'm not very self-sufficient.
Hi Spud-u-Like. I’m struck by the familiarity of your account when I compare it with those of family members and friends of mine. I feel you’re at the start of a journey part of which might include the discovery that autism can be seen as simply a characteristic, like being tall or being energetic, rather than an affliction. Being tall is an affliction if your bed is very short. Being energetic is an affliction if you’re unable to get out and active. So as an autistic person, I adjust my life so that I can make the best of what I have and what I am. My mental health is much better now I have gained understanding of my particular mental profile.
You said “we all have traits or quirks” but it’s also that birds of a feather flock together, and it might be that you’re attracted to people who share your experience of seeing the world a bit differently. It might be that there are other people in your family who are also neurodivergent but who are undiagnosed and who will never consider getting assessed, because they may feel that there is a stigma in having such a diagnosis.
For me, it is easier to deal with the very real stigma and prejudice by reminding myself of all the good things I only do because I am autistic. For example, I persist if I see something that needs to be corrected.
I recommend you check out forums and groups for people who are neurodivergent or autistic. I love wrongplanet.net because its very name articulates my sense of marginalisation, and because there are some really helpful articles there. I do have friends, good friends, who are kind and humorous and accepting and some of whom aren’t autistic. A person who is autistic can be very sensitive and can even be very good at social interaction, because part of autism is that ability to deep-dive into a skill and get really good at it, and sometimes that skill happens to be that of conforming in dress or in social niceties. But socially conforming can be very tiring and stressful, and in turn that can lead to mental health challenges. And being empathetic can sometimes add a lot of stress to daily life, unless you can give yourself a break, switch that off and focus on something tangible and pleasant.
Some autistic people do find that they can meet challenges more effectively if they maintain a given dietary regime, or if they get plenty of fresh air and exercise or if they avoid environmental toxins - as another respondent mentioned.
You mention the challenges of navigating different relationships. I think that these matters can be complicated, and as time goes by you will set your priorities and will decide whether and/ or how you want to test out different strategies. You might decide to get some talk therapy. You might have already tried a zillion different types of talk therapy. The psychiatrist who gave me my diagnosis also gave me a bit of advice. He advised me that if I get psychotherapy or counselling then I should choose a practitioner who’s trained to support someone who is autistic.
Thank you for the useful information. It's great knowing I'm not alone and there are so many aspects to our personalities and traits that we share or can relate to.I never thought of myself as being Autistic because I am VERY empathetic, but therein lies a trait I didn't realise can signal Autism. I am literally terrified of hospitals because I feel so much of the agony there.
I also try my best to rescue hurt or injured wild animals because I've always felt closer to them than people. The annoying thing is having a Mish mash of traits from the mental health issues I have that are diagnosed (Anxiety, Depression, Stress, OCD), to those which I am waiting to get tested for (ADD and Autism). I was quite taken aback when the assessor stated she could tell I was autistic from the first couple of minutes meeting me, as that wasn't really something I'd ever considered.
I just need to try and see if the NHS (Sorry, Scottish NHS, as we seem to like doing everything differently for some annoying reason...) will acknowledge private diagnosis, as I want to get back to work, but my mind is just not in the right place for that and I don't want to do yet another job where I'm pulled up for taking too long completing tasks.
The civil service goes on about respect and diversity, inclusion and neurodiversity, but from my personal experience, it's just all hot air. I was a member of the PCS Union, but they didn't help at all.
I have my private ADD assessment this coming week and my Parents have complained that recently I've been making everything about me. It's quite hurtful, as it's such a big issue for me, because I feel with this being investigated - and a potential Autism assessment - that it will finally answer so many questions and put to bed alot of uncertainty, as it were.
My issue is I contacted my GPs practice to ask if this assessment will be acknowledged by the NHS in case any medication is required. They informed me it will not and I would have to go to Bupa (who are carrying out my assessment) and pay for medication. I informed the person I spoke to that the NHS had already thrown my ADHD referral out. She informed me I would then need to try going back down the NHS route, but that could take, literally, years.
I realise I've not had the official assessment yet, but it is looking pretty likely from all the evidence gathered, that there is definitely some undiagnosed mental health issues present. I'm loathed to spend more on private treatment when I feel the NHS hasn't been doing it's job. Why should I be out of pocket?
To be fair, the Scottish NHS seems more concerned with helping alcoholics and junkies than with regular individuals. I realise that may seem to be a bitter cliché of a comment, and I do not wish to cause any offense to anyone on here regarding substance abuse, or those affected, but the SNP spent an enormous amount on safe centres where junkies can go to 'smack up' in comfortable surroundings, whereas I feel the money would have been better spent on helping severely Autistic children (and adults) access things like animal therapy, or on something like a women's refuge for those fleeing domestic abuse, which is sadly still all too common.
Anyway, that's just my moan, but I very much feel let down by the NHS yet again.
Well I sat my ADHD (ADD) assessment with a Bupa Doctor the other day. I didn't realise my other half would be present for the entire duration. I also thought the assessment would have included actually testing of brain capabilities and intelligence, but instead it was basically a prolonged interview. I provided loads of evidence - I have nearly every school report from over 30 years ago. The Doctor can't understand why it was never addressed at school when going by the reports I clearly had issues. I also provided over 17 A4 pages of my mental health history, schooling history and 'quirks'. I do appear to have quite alot of quirks and I have a fascination for dates - in particular dates of films - I'm great in a quiz for things like that!If the doctor believes I need an autism assessment then I will need to go down that route and pay more money for a private assessment. The specialist was saying that an issue I'm facing is that I have so many mental health issues and they are constantly in conflict with each other. OCD makes me ruminate, ADD takes my concentration away from everyday tasks and the autism gives me 'quirks' and hinder my social interactions. Add to all this, chronic anxiety and stress along with bouts of depression and it really is a major hindrance for me. I also suffer from hoarding disorder, which was initially bracketed along with OCD.
Basically I still feel stuck in limbo, but at least I'm making strides towards a better understanding of my own mental health, but it's the assistance and potential treatments I'm now struggling with and obviously the fact the NHS in Glasgow and in particular my practice, won't acknowledge a private diagnosis and I will have to go through all this hoopla yet again for that.
Lots of lovely advice on here. Perhaps get in touch with some relevant organisations like The Autistic Society. You don't say how your learning disability impacts you but Mencap will be able to support you with that.
Thank you for the response, SpeedyH. Due to currently undergoing diagnosis for ADD, the specialist informed me that many of the traits I thought might be down to potential ADD or the OCD (which I was diagnosed with about 15 years ago) are more than likely Autism. She informed me she could tell I was autistic within the first few minutes of having met me. Now it did come as a surprise, as I have had dealings with an ex girlfriend who had severe Asperger's (that included self-harm) and a friend who went through school as dyslexic and 'slow', only now to be placed on the Autism Spectrum and I didn't see any similarities , but now I realise it can manifest differently for everyone. All the information for my ADD diagnosis through Bupa has been provided and I'm just waiting on the final report. During my 2 meetings with the specialist she pointed out the following Autistic traits in me:Deep empathy for animals
Referring to animals as friends
Not engaging in social activities
Liking routine
Struggling with and avoiding change
Having intense focused interests that are obsessive for me.
Being disturbed by noise, especially loud noises
Not liking the feeling of alot of clothes and wearing the same ones until they are literally falling apart.
The fact when I was a small child, I was prone to going around without any trousers or underwear.
Unable to edit my speech or writing.
Unable to give condensed answers and always over elaborating.
One thing I thought stopped me being autistic is I'm very empathetic, sometimes too empathetic and people take advantage of that, but apparently too much empathy can be a trait as well.
I have managed to hold down jobs, but there have always been performance 'issues'. It is usually that I take too long doing anything.
So many of the symptoms have been present since childhood. My Mother has undiagnosed OCD and depression and my Father is emotionally autistic, though he would never admit to that. When my Mother was pregnant with me she was undergoing alot of major stress and anxiety, which I think is why I have been so prone to it throughout my life.
My parents are angry with themselves for not noticing things sooner. The specialist is angry at my school for not trying to do anything to help me. I'm angry at the NHS for focusing on OCD and not even entertaining the notion that I might have ADD.
I am currently unemployed and have been for nearly a year and I'm finding my mental health issues just getting worse and worse. I just hate the fact that it's taken me to being in my 40s for all this to be investigated, when everything has been present since school. It's only become worse with being sacked from my previous job.
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