help … not coping

[Manyjobs]

I have20 year old daughter with learning disabilities and repetitive obsessive behaviors. I’ve just had holiday alone, her dad looked after her ( we are separated) I came back and he told me how bad it was and now he is going away. We are just not coping. I want to say I am not willing or able to care for her. We are just shouting and her dad pushed her over. It’s just awful for us all. She is unhappy….

But what happens if I say we are not willing or able to care… I’m scared I won’t be able to be support her or help find good alternative to living with me

Bad night worrying, we have ehcp this morning

Thsnks

[Jofisher]

speak to carers association for support for you, speak to Social Services this is called care breakdown so it means they have to act quickly. They will assess your daughter to see what her needs are and then work out the best way to support you all as well as your daughter. Please don’t feel bad we all have our breaking point and it’s great you’re asking for help and believe me there it’s absolutely no shame in not being able to cope. I have been there many times so be kind to yourself. Caring is an honour and a privilege at times but my goodness can it be tough exhausting isolating and incredibly stressful so your amazing to have done it for as long as you have remember that. Good luck call adult social services today don’t wait you all need help and support.

[Maurice_Mencap Partner]

Hello Manyjobs , thank you for reaching out, it sounds like you're having a really tough time at the moment. I'd recommend giving Mencap's Learning Disability Helpline a call on 0808 808 1111 or emailing them on [e-mail].

Our trained advisers will be able to take you through your options and suggest who you might need to get in touch with locally to look at what's the best path for you and your daughter.

[DrSarahmac]

hi there. As Jo says try not to beat yourself up over this. Young adults are challenging at the best of times and ours just add another dimension. This next stage is very scary but it can work well to improve things for everyone. We reached crisis with our daughter when she was 22. Social services found her a flat in a block with on site support. It helped her gain more independence and improved our relationship no end. She now lives in an independent flat with support from us and a PA. Everyone needs their space so take this as an opportunity to reshape your lives to make it better for everyone.. best wishes and do let us know how things go.

[Manyjobs in reply to DrSarahmac]

Thank you so much. I was crying yesterday … but fantastic news. She is going to move into a truly lovely group house. The social worker told me the funding agreed. So hopefully this will happen soon and have great results last you experienced. I really really appreciated your reply!

[DrSarahmac in reply to Manyjobs]

I am so pleased for you all. I have a friend who had a similar experience and their daughter moved into a group house setting. It’s working brilliantly. So good to hear you sounding positive. There will still be challenges but you will have distance and space and that makes all the difference. So happy for you ❤️

[Mybestfriends]

So Glad that there has been a step forward & in the right direction. This happened with our now 34yrs old Son. Ok yes there were & are still challenges, but not living ontop of each other & Son gained Skills to help live independently, helped him feel more confident & in control of his own life, to a point & with Support. He has had a big setback, Covid & trauma, but recovering & about to move forward, again to another Flat, with his Dog, which then free's myself up a little & sleep patterns should be better, hope your Daughter likes this move, into independent living & makes friends maybe & it certainly will help her gain more confidence. Best Wishes.

[Manyjobs in reply to Mybestfriends]

Thanks so much x

[Bergersil400]

That is really good news. Always reassuring when social care or health care teams pull out all the stops to make the transition to supported living, relatively straightforward. Glad it has worked out for you all.

[Manyjobs]

yes not thinking everything necessarily smooth but such a massive leap forward x