Help!!

[BunnyBlue69]

Hi all, I am mum to a 32 year lad with learning disabilities. He had a brain tumour as a child which was cancerous, he beat it but it has left him with some obstacles that we face each day. One of the main ones that I am struggling with is relationship/ sexual struggles. He received a visit from the police about 7 years ago for inappropriate chat, nothing came of it, he was perfectly clear. You can imagine all the feelings we went through at the time...the situation he found himself in continually causes him issues, even now. He punishes himself more than anyone I know, he's losing sleep and he just cannot seem to lay what happened to bed. It is 7 years ago and I have the same conversation with him every week. I do not know where to get any help from, I have always just managed on my own. Could anyone sign post me to who may be able to help? I am just exhausted trying to deal with it alone. Thank you and sorry for the lengthy message.

[Jofisher]

Hi I’m sorry to hear things are so difficult for your family it maybe worth speaking to the mencap helpline. Also the headway charity have they said your son has an acquired brain injury from the surgery ?maybe you could consider getting him an advocate. You could also speak to adult social services. I’m also wondering if my advocate could help you she’s an independent social worker who’s worked with aquired brain injury learning disability and she could definitely give you advice. Here’s her number if you want to call her her names Vanessa Evans [phone]. Are you registered as a carer they’re an amazing organisation as well. Ah just thought of something else I’ve just registered with this organisation as well

Information that maybe really helpful

[BunnyBlue69 in reply to Jofisher]

Thank you, I am waiting for helpline to open and will ring them. I never thought of Headway...I've heard of them but will take a look now. I am registered as his carer and I am also a community carer, I feel we have slipped through the net somewhere along the way so all advice is welcome 😁

[Jofisher in reply to BunnyBlue69]

You may well have so good luck with everything

[BunnyBlue69 in reply to Jofisher]

Thank you.

[Maurice_Mencap Partner]

Hello BunnyBlue69 , thank you for reaching out. It may worth getting in touch with our Learning Disability Helpline to talk to our trained advisers, they might be able to offer some support or signpost to support services in your area that may be able to help.

You can reach them on 0808 808 1111 or [e-mail] if you prefer.

You mention that you're exhausted - remember to not neglect yourself in all this too, our helpline is for carers as well so if there's anything you feel you need help with do ask the team!

Hope that helps.

[Galwaybay2]

It is awful to watch a child in pain like that. Your son is locked into obsessive thinking, which is an addictive thing with very little obvious reward and he probably needs professional help to break into that cycle. Have you thought about therapy? If appropriate, your son may benefit from a non-verbal therapy, like art, drama or music, or talking therapy. Your LA may provide those free for people registered as learning disabled, but there are many private practitioners on registers like BACP or Counselling Directory, you can speak to a few by phone to hep you decide. I would be happy to talk to you by phone about this, )I'm sure there's a way we can private message so I can give you my number?).

[BunnyBlue69 in reply to Galwaybay2]

Thank you. I've registered him for some talking therapy as I think he may benefit from it, I just feel very much out of my depth but the description you gave is very much spot on! He goes to a gardening club, he loves this, and they do try to talk to him but it doesn't feel like it's having any effect so I got on the phone yesterday and self referred him for talking therapy, obviously there is a little wait but that's usual. He used to be under a neuro psychologist but then covid hit, she left, no one took over ☹️ its taken 5 years up to yet. I have also emailed his consultant to ask for help from them.

[Galwaybay2 in reply to BunnyBlue69]

Depending on your health trust, your son will be triaged then allocated to CBT or talking therapy. Assumptions may be made about his ability to use talking therapy and he may well be pointed towards CBT. You know your son best, but counselling for depression might be more effective. These services are contracted out to providers who then make contact. Do not be afraid to speak to the administrators and ask them to assign your son to someone who has some experience with young people like him. It is his counselling and he has the right to ask for what he needs. Contractors are counselling organisations and they will want to get it right.

[BunnyBlue69 in reply to Galwaybay2]

Thank you.

[InclusiveZoom]

I’m sorry that he is finding life so very difficult at the moment. Might he like to try out fun Zoom sessions and meet other people? Free Zoom links can easily be sent. The sessions are run by Inclusive Online Activities and are very popular.