I have just had the most disappointing doctors appointment this morning and it's actually upset me so much I have felt the need to reach out to you on here to see if any of you have experienced anything similar.
I have had symptoms of exhaustion, pain all over my body, general confusion an forgetfulness an basically just feeling rather 'broken' on and off for YEARS now. There are times it is worse than others. Stress usually brings it on.
I have been treated for depression for 14 years now and I am now in receipt of CBT as recommended by my doctor. I have had numerous blood tests but it shows nothing. I understand CFS/ fibromyalgia is usually a process of elimination. I do personally feel I have one or the other.
Every time I go to the doctors because I am just feeling so lousy, I see a different doctor. I don't think this helps my case, because there is no continuity of care. I saw somebody I had actually seen twice before this morning but sadly he wasess than helpful. I asked if he could possibly write something for me to take along to my assessment this afternoon. I was aware it was incredibly short notice so I was willing to pay the appropriate charge. Not only did he say it wasn't necessary to bring anything like that along to the assessment (which I don't think is right), he said he didn't think it was necessary to refer me to the CFS clinic as the doctor I saw previously thought it was. He said that I do have a diagnosis: depression and that the 2 go hand in hand. I am aware of the difference between emotional/ mental suffering and actual exhaustion and physical pain though and I really felt he was dismissing me. He even suggested I was neurotic for focussing on this possible illness. I was so upset that he couldn't see that I really wasn't that kind of person. Basically he has made me feel like I am making a fuss about nothing! All I want is a diagnosis so I can get on with my life!
I am already in receipt of CBT and find it helps to an extent. I am a generally very positive person (which sounds strange I know, considering o have a diagnosis of chronic depression)! I eat healthily, I exercise, I volunteer at my son's school and am going back to college this Thursday. I really as trying my best and struggling on. Sometimes I feel I can cope. Other times I just feel so scared that it will all fall apart.
I am a single mum and my 6 year old boy needs a strong and happy mummy. I am now genuinely concerned that the medical assessment will manage to prove that I am capable of work and I will be forced into full time employment which I know I won't physically/ mentally be able to manage and I will have a break down. I have suffered around 3 breakdowns over the past 9 years.
I had a medical assessment in 2011 which resulted in my ESA being stopped. I found the assessment to be structured in such a way that all answers lead to the claimant being capable of work. I did appeal but it proved futile.
If I can't even get a diagnosis for this illness (which in my mind is reality), how can I expect to convince the assessor that I am genuinely ill? I feel so many people (my doctor included), think this 'illness' is all in my mind! I can't fully express how upset that makes me feel. In fact I am slumped on the floor with my worries cat next to me in tears as I type this. All I want is a bit of support. I am not lazy. I would love to have this illness treated/ managed and be able to work and earn my own money. I want to feel proud of myself rather than the fat waste of space I feel at the moment.
Does anyone else have experience of a doctor not believing them or a health assessment? Any advice on what to expect? How to cope with it?
Thank you for reading this HUGE post.
Love Rachel. 😢