When things start looking up...

I always get pulled back down... I wake up and am too anxious to fall back asleep, but don't have enough energy to cheer myself up. Even when I go go out, or have a friend over I'm just always overthinking because of O.C.D. and feel so useless... I bring everyone down around me because I look sad, and then I just feel even worse... I'm so numb.

Been seeing Drs all my life, tried over 20 different meds (not over estimating either... I'm back to trying ones I've already tried because we ran out of options....)

I just want to sleep forever, and finally be happy. Finally put all these anxious and depressing thoughts to rest.

Why is it so hard? And why is it when things get better it's so fleeting? Its like a drop of water in a desert of depression.

I just want to feel whole again... My birthday is soon and I'm dreading it... Just another year to remember being sad...

[ziggypiggy]

I hear ya. I'm on go around three of trying certain meds. Lost count. I hope you have a therapist that you meet with on the regular. Even if you're not making any progress it's nice to have a safe space to unload. Family and friends just won't get it or will wear out quickly if they hear us tell them the same issues over and over. One's mental health journey is a lonely road and there is just no getting around it. Having my pet french bulldog is a big help. People can be frustrating and drain my battery. Holidays and birthdays can be tough. Hang in there

[Maple79 in reply to ziggypiggy]

I relate so much to this. No one understand and the ones who pretend eventually pull away. I had a suicide attempt and everyone I’ve told has ghosted me. It’s so sad the stigma with this that it actually makes people worse. The only thing that gets me through a day is my cats and dog. If not for them I would be gone for sure and struggle daily just to stay here for them.

[Hidden in reply to Maple79]

I've tried twice and just want to get better...