Seeking help in dealing with overbearing mother

[Cruuz_Callin0327]

I’m currently living at home with my mother who criticizes and puts me down every chance she gets

[bluejay67]

This might sound strange ... what if you gave her a hug or laughed when she criticizes you...might shock her into stopping.

[PoppiesAndStripes23]

hi Cruuz….so sorry to hear that you are feeling put down by your mom. I’m not sure why that is happening, but I can tell you as a mom, that people have a tendency to mimic what they see or have experienced. Chances are that your mom “learned” this behavior from her family. It makes me wonder if your mom’s self worth is wrapped up in your successes or failures? When my own kids have struggled with issues, there have been times when I felt like I failed them as a mother, and perhaps she isn’t aware that she is channeling that frustration and unhappiness back on you. That said, it isn’t okay. Constantly feeling criticized or being made to feel like you aren’t measuring up is terrible for your self esteem and is far more likely to make it harder for you rise above the criticism and achieve your goals. Have you ever had a calm, not in anger, conversation with your mom where you told her how much the negative comments hurt you and they make it more difficult for you to meet her expectations? I would hope that she would hear your pain and really put effort into changing how she spoke to you. If she chooses not to change this behavior, then you may need to limit your exposure to her. Ultimately, I think is is important to work on your self esteem and how you think about yourself. If you are able to recognize all the things that make you special and uniquely you, her critical remarks might become less painful because you’ve built up some confidence in your own self worth. I hope things get better for you. Just remember that you have value and deserve to be treated well. Best wishes!!

[Raggedy-Ann]

Hi, I am in my 50's and my mom still does that. I do my best to put on my pink blaster shield and let her words bounce off me. It is a weird mother daughter dynamic. I don't invite her to my house because it is my safe place. She always criticizes my home. We meet up at her house and go do stuff together from there. She is not going to change. Sometimes I call her on it in simple words- that wasn't kind, I don't need help feeling bad about myself, stop- new topic, that hurt my feelings, let me repeat what you just said. Some other options - Are you feeling okay? What's wrong, you seem stressed... Maybe you take the direct approach. In a non confrontational situation ask her what she was like at your age, lead into what did Grandma say. Try for understanding each other as people.