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hello fellow luppies,

I just wanted to vent as I know you all will understand what im feeling right now. today has been a rubbish day as I mislaid an important letter for my hubby, he went mad and started shouting and swearing ; calling me useless, an idiot, a name a few. I truly cannot remember a lot of what I do, my memory is so bad now its not just what I call brain fog or just when im in a flare. I write a lot on my kitchen calendar to help me but for some reason I had moved the letter but hadn't put it where I usually keep mail but I truly couldn't recall even touching it.

my husband just doesn't understand who frustrating it is to live like this, im fed up of forgetting simple things and having lists to carry around with me.............ggggrrrrrrr

8 Replies

Oh! caninecrazy, I feel for you so much. I know Christmas is a very stressful time of year and we can all lash out and hurt people. Let me tell you, you are not an idiot and please do not let people say that you are. You have a debilitating illness that has affected your body in many ways and it is not Your Fault that you have this horrible living nightmare illness that so many of us have. I hope all settles down for you and you get the apology you deserve. Please remember you are not useless or an idiot. People never really understand the devastating affects that Lupus brings. Thinking of you hun.

Try to have a good Christmas and a better New Year



Oh dear, I can relate to what you're saying, I used to be organised and now I forget everything, this should make you laugh, I walked into my sister yday and told her how lovely her xmas tree was, said I was pleased she'd bought the one I'd recommended and how lovely it was in the window. She looked totally confused, before asking me if I remembered seeing it last week? As last week when I visited I said the same thing but told her to move it from the corner into the window!! LOL! This made us both laugh, but she did say she thought she was going daft when like de ja vu I said the same things again! I told her no, not her, me, I'm the one going bonkers.

Try adn exlpain to your hubby, show him this site if it helps and let him know how tough it is for you when you forget things, ask him to be more patient and let him know how it feels when he behaves this way. Hopefully he will realise it's tough for all concerned.

Merry Christmas.


Dear Caninecrazy,

Your husband should not treat you like this no matter what you have done or forgotten. Shouting at you, swearing and calling you names is abusive and not what you need. He needs to be supportive at all times.

I know how it feels as my wife is not at all supportive, does the same thing - shouting, name calling and it puts extra stress on me that doesn't help my SLE at all.



How awful for your husband to be so uncaring. You have a serious illness and need support. If he continues with this abuse, be strong, get rid of him. You cannot help your brain fog, I get it myself, but my husband supports me always, unconditionally. We would all love not to have this wretched illness. Take me, I have had all the children and grandchildren today for lunch, a massive undertaking for me, husband helped me through the masses of work. When they had all left, he did all the mountain of washing up as I had fallen into a deep sleep!! When I awoke I did not even know where I was or anything! He is always there for me, that's how it should be, even though sometimes my mind is away with the fairies. Sort this ghastly man out.

My best wishes for Christmas to you, you do not deserve this cruelty, lynda xxx


Ditto !!! To all replies. I'm lucky to have good f+f. If anything they worry too much but I'm not complaining. But I do now hold back on rheumy appt details as they over react and think I'm near death with each new symptom. Hope you can find the sympathy you deserve.


thankyou everyone for taking the time to read my whinge. he did apologise after our 15year old son said he had been harsh on me.

I wish you all a magical Christmas x


That's good he apologised. Just keep an eye out in case it becomes more of a habit, keep notes if things continue.

Otherwise with the peace returned you can concentrate on having a very Happy Christmas and I wish you all the best in 2014.



im the same im 60 with the brain of a 100 year old infact some hundred year old are probably more on the ball i burn things on the stove go out leaving soup jam etc unatteded stuff in the oven gets cremated and i make 2 dinners one on the stove and one in the oven

i cant remeber from one min to the next what im doinging . i pick something up and mislay it immediatly

i even near set fire to a pan of oil promising myself i would not walk of but still did . so no mre crinkle cut chips for me

i attemted to make a rasberry conserve walked of and it boiled over swamped the hob the unit and ran all the down the back onto the floor it took hrs to clean up and involved moving the unit out to do so.

i say something then cant remeber what i said seconds after . cant remeber names places stuff at all .so symathy to you

ive given up tring to explain to doctors etc as they dont get it and say oh make lists set timers etc but youve got to remember to do this as well its all mad kind regrds from someone who understands


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