Morning everyone, hope we are all keeping well. I have previously posted on here about mum, who has severe COPD and SCLC. She has undergone horrendous chemo and finished palliative radiotherapy. Her side effects of radiotherapy have dispersed and she is now feeling a little better. Unfortunately, I have caught her smoking again and vaping. I don't know how long this has been going on for. It's truly devastating.
I know I am not the person who is fighting this horrible disease, caused by the very thing she is doing again. I have never been a smoker, so don't know how it feels. I know it's not about me but being the loved one who has stood by her side throughout this, taking her to appointments, helping at home, you name it. Probably done what any other person would do for their parent.
I suppose I would like to know how to deal with this. Anyone done this ? What further damage will it cause? What can I do?
Its hard to describe really, it's not a pity party and not about me..Can't help how I feel and feels like a knife through the heart.
Any advice, experience of this appreciated.
Thank you for reading.
Paul
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Paulo1976
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For your mother this will be a very difficult time, dealing with her diagnosis and treatment. There is no doubt that smoking is harmful and that nicotine in cigarettes and vapes can be extremely addictive. Your mother will be under a great deal of stress and returning to smoking may be her way of self-medicating, nicotine reaches the brain in around 10 seconds and creates an immediate sense of relaxation, this will make her feel that her stress and anxiety is easier to deal with.
Smoking is a very personal choice and one that each individual needs to make on their own without any pressure. Some patients feel that smoking enhances their quality of life, this is their decision to make.
It can be very difficult when you know that your mothers health would benefit from her stopping smoking, you should discuss your concerns over with her and if she is receptive to stopping maybe suggest a visit to her Gp who can provide nicotine patches this will help deal with cravings associated with nicotine withdrawal.
So stressful for patients and relatives. It's good she's perking up a little after her harsh treatments.
I'm a 'never smoker' but have learnt how addictive nicotine is - chemical reactions in the brain respond to nicotine quicker than heroin which is why so many find it hard to quit it and why tobacco companies want to keep people addicted either through tobacco products or vaping and encourage more young people to take up the habit. Some areas have renamed smoking cessation services to tobacco addiction treatment services to try and reduce the stigma from the person addicted by the habit to recognising it is the substance and tobacco companies who should be 'labelled'. Lung cancer can have several causes not only tobacco - even if that is the most publicised and is stigmatised as a result which is unhelpful to lung cancer patients.
Vaping is currently considered by Public health less harmful than smoking (not harmless so not encouraging those who don't smoke to take it up) and delivers the nicotine hit with fewer other nasties. The jury remains out as to long term damage as research is still in its infancy compared to the decades of evidence about tobacco use globally. Currently it's probably the lesser harm of the 2 products.
I have heard talks at Lung cancer conferences that continuing to smoke on chemotherapy and radiotherapy limits the treatments' effectiveness so if there's some way she could get support, there are other nicotine replacement methods available like patches, gum, and I think nasal sprays. Worth discussing with her clinical nurse specialist and GP.
As with any addiction, it requires real effort from the person but they're not always aware what support's out there and stress can increase the need for comfort. Some find hobbies like knitting, crochet, having a manicure, gardening, cooking that occupy their hands can help.
Sounds as if you're doing all you can to support her so hang on in there... quitting or even reducing smoking/vaping is hard.
My mum is 92 and quit smoking at 70 after a bad chest infection but restarted at 80 saying she'd forgotten she'd quit! She's had alzheimers for over 15 years -smokes 4-5 a day always 'in secret' in the bathroom and thinks we don't know! She buys her cigarettes when at the hairdresser every week at the shop next door. Furtive behaviour but the only smoker in the family. Dad (94) cares for her at home, despairs but knows she won't change. My sisters and I often worried about their poor diet (dad's had bowel cancer 3 times, frail), cakes, biscuits, bread, trifle, sherry, very little protein, fruit or veg but having reached their 90s, even if what they eat isn't ideal, it hasn't harmed them.
It's tough being the relative and wanting to protect them but it's your mum's life and choice even if that's really hard to take on board. Be there for her.
FYI I was diagnosed with lung cancer in January 2011 and never smoked. There are increasing numbers of patients like me and not all smokers develop lung cancer although it contributes to many other conditions including other cancers.
hope you and she can find a way through this difficult time together. thinking of you both.
Paulo, I know you feel devastated by her smoking, and I feel for you. I would like to suggest that (if possible) that you don't take on emotionally and mentally her smoking. She isn't doing it to deliberately hurt you, it's a difficult addiction to quit nicotine. I know you know this intellectually but heart knowledge is different. Going through cancer treatment is extremely stressful and she is self soothing. She already knows how you feel about smoking that's why she is sneaking smokes and not just smoking in the open. She already feels horrible about having cancer and really this is just one more thing on her plate to deal with - trying to quit. You have helped her so very much in taking her to doctors appointments and treatment and it can feel ungrateful when she is smoking, like all the work and help you gave her is for nothing. But truth is her treatments are effective and your hard work and support doesn't go unnoticed by your mother even if she doesn't say anything to you. Society often makes smokers out to be like criminals and stigmatizes them to be second class citizens and if you get cancer it's your fault. What is truly valuable is your relationship with her, and it sounds like you have a good mother and son bond. Please, whatever your feelings, don't let them get in the way of the most important thing in both of your lives your relationship with each other. Talk to a friend about your feelings or a therapist if you have one instead of her at this point. You need support too with your mom's cancer diagnosis, cancer affects the entire family. Doesn't mean that you never talk to her about it but maybe sorting through feelings first and then you may find a way to support her regardless of her choices. Prayers 🙏 and hugs 🤗. Alicia
Good morning Paulo, I'm so sorry to hear about your Mom. From my experience with my late wife, and her having SCLC, I was told by the Oncologist that the damage was already done and if smoking was my wife's thing, then carry on. She was also Palliative care and Chemo and Radiotherapy really just ruined the last few months we had together. I took my late wife anywhere she wanted to go, and let her literally do what she wanted. Just stop stressing about everything and just turn a blind eye to her smoking but ask her to stop vaping. No one knows how bad those things are.
Paulo, go and make lots of memories with your Mom, and God bless her.
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