Coping emotionally

[Terrierbob]

Thank you to all who have replied with encouraging words to my wife's post. Just knowing that there are others in our situation is comforting. I want to ask, as a husband, how I can do the best for her. I sometimes find it hard to know during those inevitable periods of "meltdown" when all hope seems to vanish, what to do or say. At such times, my wife gets so distressed and I seem to be no help at all. I am generally very positive for her, as, knowing what a determined fighter she is, I really believe she can become a longer term survivor of this, especially considering her response to treatment which has been excellent. Are there are tips for how to cope when times get really rough?

[RoyCastleHelpline Partner Ask the Nurse Roy Castle]

As a husband , you can have a huge influence on how your wife deals with her cancer diagnosis. Good communication with her is the most important part of your role. For instance, if she begins talking to you about her feelings about cancer, don’t change the subject. Listen, and let her talk, she might be angry or sad. Afterwards, you may want to share how you are feeling. You can also support her in any decisions she makes, even tho you might not agree with all of them. You can only do your best to help her to live as normal a life as possible. Her needs will change regularly,let her know you will be at her side every step of the way. At times you may need to take over the every day things that she would normally do. This is a very emotionally draining time for you.I have attached a link which might be helpful.

cancer.gov/about-cancer/cop...

Kind regards,

All the team at the Roy Castle helpline.

[JanetteR57]

Macmillan have some good information on their website about how to talk to people with cancer and also about relationships affected by cancer that may help. the book 'what can I do to help?' by Deborah Hutton is full of hints and tips from patients/friends who have different approaches that have worked for them. Sometimes though it doesn't matter how positive a person is or has been or how well they may have come through their treatment, shock can set in after the event when we start to think of what might have been or what still might be. I was told by a counsellor for many it is like a Post trauma stress disorder or grief and can crop up at any time. I'd just let her have the space and let her know you're there for her when she may feel able to talk. Sometimes it can all get a bit overwhelming - and people telling us to be positive can be another pressure. Just ask her what she would like you to do so she can know you're there to support her and respond accordingly. good luck - it's not easy... thinking of you.