Why

[Jill83]

So scared.

I can’t stop thinking about death and have constant butterflies in my stomach. I feel I’m going mad. It’s my dad who has cancer. Latest scan result tomorrow. Just hate this all so much.

[Jill111]

I feel very similar , my dad has the cancer but I am really struggling to deal with it . I feel very anxious. I have just downloaded an app called ‘headspace ‘ and I am finding that helpful to deal with my thoughts and help me to feel relaxed and peaceful before bed . X

[Jill83 in reply to Jill111]

It’s awful isn’t it. I dread to think how he feels. I’ll download that app x

[RoyCastleHelpline Partner Ask the Nurse Roy Castle]

Hello Jill83,

It is completely understandable that you will feel worried and anxious about your dads scan results. It is always a leap into the unknown for both you and your dad, have you a Maggies centre nearby, they provide support for both you and your dad. As a carer you will also need some support on this journey, I have added a link to Maggies below it has a list of their centres and the web site also has lots of helpful information

maggiescentres.org/our-cent...

If you would like to speak with someone please give us a call on our nurse led helpline freephone 0800 358 7200

[Jill83 in reply to RoyCastleHelpline]

Hello

I’ve not heard of that but there is one quite close by. Why do they do?

[RoyCastleHelpline Partner Ask the Nurse Roy Castle in reply to Jill83]

Maggies centres provide free emotional, physical and practical support, the centres are based in cancer care hospitals working along side the NHS. The centres are bright and welcoming and are staffed by a range of professionals including nutrionalists, psychologists, counsillors, benifits advisors etc who can help with all the different aspecets of dealing and living with cancer.

The centres were inspired by Maggie Keswick Jencks, who was a breast cancer patient, she belived that you needed information that would allow you to be an informed participant in your medical treatment, stress-reducing strategies, psychological support and the opportunity to meet other people in similar circumstances in a relaxed domestic atmosphere.

The support that they provide is for both patients and carers

Maggie was determined that people should not “lose the joy of living in the fear of dying”

maggiescentres.org/about-ma...

They have lots of information on their website and would the centre would be a great place for you to find some support

Kind regards

Roy Castle Helpline

[Jill83 in reply to RoyCastleHelpline]

Thank you. I will look into this x

[JanetteR57]

sorry to read of your anxiety levels about your dad. It can be really tricky so as not to upset him and add to his already likely high levels of concern (and conversely trying to protect family from his fears). If you can find somebody to talk to, even other patients who have gone through this, it may help you. You haven't said what his status re his lung cancer is but there have been many breakthroughs in recent years and treatments have improved so much for lung cancer so it isn't always the outcome you're fearing. You might find the book 'what can I do to help?' by Deborah Hutton helpful written by many different people faced with trying to support people they loved with cancer. good luck.

[Jill83 in reply to JanetteR57]

Oh I’ll take a look at that book thank you.

It’s stage 4, first line chemo did nothing apart from give him stage 3 kidney damage

However scan today remains stable. Thank goodness

[JanetteR57 in reply to Jill83]

That's good news - celebrate when things are not getting worse and remember, as the latest Macmillan campaign states, he may be a dad with cancer but he's still your dad I am a lung cancer survivor (diagnosed Jan 2011) and my dad has had bowel cancer several times (we didn't think he'd reach 60 and he'll be 88 in a couple of weeks). I know several stage iv LC patients who have managed treatments that have kept LC from progressing or at least supporting them to live and even work and some have now survived years on new treatments that target their particular mutations. When my dad was in and out of hospital for most of 2017 with more radical treatment, as I'm involved now in patient advocacy/cancer research, I was keen to ask lots of questions and learn more about his situation. However he just didn't want to know which I found very frustrating. I was at a LC conference in Dublin most of last week and oncologists said it's often men who are less 'interested' in learning what to do and how to 'ease' their situation whereas women tend to want to learn more. I know it's a sad generalisation but at least if you can balance your thought processes more, that will help both of you. good luck. x

[Jill83]

I know. We live our lives in 3 month chunks. As I’m sure most do.

Wow that’s amazing to hear about you father! I hope my dad lives to be in his 80s.

My dad has no mutations and is opting to stay off treatment until he needs it.

[Fbarcia]

I also am going through the same pain. My husband has CLL and is on a trial right now for immunotherapy. Now my father was diagnosed with lung cancer that has metastasized to his brain. Life has away of throwing us unexpected trials. For me, I found God before this all. I can tell you that though the pain of seeing your loved ones in pain some days is unbearable, I find peace in knowing that this life we have right now is just a small part in eternity. And through these trials God does wonders, whether saving us, making us stronger, bringing us closer to him and to one another. He truly does just and brings light into darkness. God takes the foolish things of the world to confound the wise. So be with your father and make every moment count and know that God loves him and your family. Not Cancer nor any other horrible thing can break Love. Love is truly unbreakable.....