My Beautiful Wife

[jonnyd01]

I lost my beautiful wife 1 yr ago yesterday aged 45...how can that be it feels like a couple of weeks,i thought i would go under when she died and i very nearly did but I'm still here... though a shell of the man i was, yes i can function but thats all....im so sad all the time and can only remember the frigging illness instead of the good times...1 day that may change i hope along with the nightmares.I do have a few family members for support but they were protected from the harsh realities of the illness so i don't talk about it much as their grieving as well and don't need to hear that. Is time a healer?..i think it may dull over time but thats it..im only ever a few moments away from breaking down and sitting on the floor blubbing away. if i could give any advice to anyone it would be never leave anything un said and create as many good memories as you can as they will help over time....and mabe just mabe we can be reunited when its our turn...god i do hope so. John x 

[Peterkin102]

John, I am so sorry.

I pray time will heal your pain. Your wife is in a place without pain and disease now, I truly believe, with our creator.

let Jesus be our healer.

Peter

[Bow-19]

Thank you for your post. I wonder if you have considered bereavement counselling? I know that our local hospice offers this type of counselling and it would allow you to talk to someone who is not directly involved. I know it is often hard for men to ask for this type of help, but it maybe worth a try. CRUSE is also an organisation which does bereavement counselling and maybe worth googling. Even if it just helps you to realise what you are going through is normal.

Your wife would probably also want you to have this support. I know that I want my partner and I to have the best support available on our unplanned journey together.

Thank you for your advice about not leaving anything unsaid and creating happy memories. We are trying to do that too.

Best wishes

[RoyCastleHelpline Partner Ask the Nurse Roy Castle]

Dear John,

I am so sorry for your loss.There are kind thoughts from both Peter and Bo-19. Some people do as Bo suggests find counselling helpful.Often at a time like this, your concentration might not be as good as usual. I have sent you a private email. If you would like to send me your postcode, I can do my best to find some support services that you may contact,should you wish to, if and when you feel the time is right for you.

Kind regards,

[waterfd]

Hi John, 

I lost Chris in August 2013 we had been together 45 years she was 63. She looked after me when I had a serious illness in 2011 and after that we were even closer if that is possible. When she was diagnosed it was a blow to us both as we were looking forward to retirement together, you know no work getting in the way of life. After she died I was in the same place as you, do not worry about falling to pieces, I did even when out with friends. I still think of her every day but now it is not as painful. Your comment about creating good memories is a valid one, we have no children so we did everything together and those memories stay with me daily. 

I now keep myself busy and do raise money for the Hospice each year. As has been mentioned going to counselling may help you, I couldn't bring myself to go, but our close friends have always been by my side. Never feel guilty about talking about your friend and partner you will find it helps,she certainly would not want you to become a recluse. Take care of yourself.

Des. 

[nomansland]

John my wife and best friend since high school left last Easter after a 12 year battle with PSP with myself as sole caregiver with help from a few great nurses...I like you will very likely never see a real sunny day B4 this all ends...I just hope she will be there when ,I arrive, it will get a little easier, best regards , Rollie

[kmc123]

Hello Johny 

I lost my husband 6 years ago to lung cancer . It has been some journey but thank fully I am still standing to tell my sorry tale of grief. They say time heals. No you learn to live with the loss . The greater the love the harder the grief.  Breaks my heart watching my children knowing their  dad should have been here . If I had of known what I know now maybe just maybe he would of still been here but then I would not of went on this journey of finding natural cures for Cancer . When we were first told the news . Our world stopped as we knew it after 30 years it was like losing my Life . The only thing that kept me going was our children. Now I am getting angry due to natural remedies being suppressed & hidden from society . We listen to the drs because we think they know best . When all the time they have to give chemo & radiotherapy.  Hopefully now the truth is getting out people won't have to suffer because we all suffer watching a loved 1  die . Then we are left with the fall out so to speak.  I would advise you to get involved with any local groups & to keep busy . There is not a day goes by I do not think of my husband and the pain of losing such an important part of our hole family.  God Bless 

[jonnyd01]

Thank you for all your kind words....even after a year i still cannot believe me and my wife lived through that 10 weeks of tragedy....we were told a year ,but had a very ill 10 weeks...what can you do with 10 weeks from diagnosis to death...even writing this I'm shaking my head..my best friend, my soul mate,and my beautiful kind and caring wife..gone .john x

[Inula in reply to jonnyd01]

Sending you big hugs John. My dear husband lost his fight with lung cancer just 10 weeks after diagnosis. He was 54.  That was 35 weeks ago. I think people are talking tosh when they say time heals. It can't - but I do hope for all our sakes that the anguish of loss becomes more bearable in time. Others who are further along the road tell me it does become easier to cope with.

Netty x

[jonnyd01 in reply to Inula]

Hi Inula..thank you...as you say time don't heal...it dulls so you can operate in life..but its always there. john xx

[em16780]

Hi Jonny, thanks for replying to my message about my mum, she is nervous but doing ok. I want to send you hugs, you must miss your darling wife terribly. I feel that if my mum loses her battle I will never recover either. The sense of loss I will feel I incomprehensible to me, I see her every day and to not see her at my front door will break my heart. Sometimes it feels like I am grieving for her already. I feel that life will never be the same, I have 2 young daughters who dote on her, even happy times will be overshadowed by the sense that she is missing, such an integral part of mine and our family's life. I have come to terms with the fact that I will live my life for my children put probably never truly be happy again. My mum wouldn't want me to feel this way but without her I will not be me, part of me will go with her. I'm sure your wife would want you to be happy, maybe in time the intense longing and pain subsides and fond memories take president xxx

[jonnyd01 in reply to em16780]

Hi em......i hope your mums doing ok....reading your reply it could and was me a yr ago...and 1 yr on the pain and hurt dulls but what you say in your reply stays xxx