Giving up!

Hi all!

Don't know what I should do after the hospital telling my mum that they are stopping her chemo as it isn't working last week she just seems to have totally given up! She doesn't talk, want to eat & justs spends her time dozing! It's an effort to even get her to take her medication! I know it's terrible but I feel so angry that the hospital has made her like this & angry at her for giving up! Please does anyone have any advice they can offer me.

Thanking you in advance & warm well wishes to all of you on this forum!

Jo

4 Replies

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  • Hi Jo

    I'm so sorry to read that your mums doctors have stopped the chemo. It must be such a shock when this lifeline is withdrawn. I remember all too well the panic I felt when my husbands 1st chemo was under threat after he was admitted too hospital with an infection. Have you spoken to mums oncologist about other options now that her first line of defence is shown to be not effective? (I'm sorry I can't make particular suggestions as sadly my husband didn't get to that point) What about mutations? Has she been tested for mutations that might make targeted treatments available?

    As for being angry - that's a perfectly reasonable and normal human reaction. You will feel a whole gambit of emotions. When I read back on my diary from the time my husband was ill I feel so ashamed at my anger towards him because he didn't fight as hard as I wanted him to. He did the best he could under appalling circumstances and truth be told it I was angry with the cancer not Neil.

    I'm sorry I can't really offer you any more specific help but I wish you well any you care for your lovely mum.

    Netty

  • Hello Jo

    You will need to talk to someone in your mother's team as they know your mother's current health. Did your mother not have a lung cancer nurse? You could ring Macmillian to ask for their advice. If one chemo doesn't work there are others if the doctors think she is well enough to cope with side effects. Hope you receive good support at this difficult time.

    Spirituality

  • Hello1charliebarney,

    this must be a very difficult time, the chemo that she has had so far may have taken a lot of of your mum, especially if she has not been eating she will be very weak. It may be a good idea to have a meeting with the multi disciplinary team who are caring for your mum and discuss what the plan for her future care will be.

    It is normal to feel anger and as Netty said in a previous reply it is not really your mum that you are angry with but the cancer.

    Encourage your mum to eat small portions little and often of whatever she likes. She may need a little time to herself to come to terms with the disappointment of the chemo being stopped, when the time is right encourage her to talk over her feelings.

    Also it is important for you to look after yourself, if we can be of any help contact us at Information and Support Services 0333 323 7200 (option 2).

  • There are other types of treatment, many kinds of chemo..I don't know the type or stage of your mom's cancer...but giving up is not an option...she has to stay strong and not let this win...good luck let us know how she is ok. M. M

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