I don't know what has happened

[Chase888]

My friend has terminal lung cancer and he was originally admitted to hospital because of the way he was talking. But it's a psyche ward and the staff member escorted him to his appointment at the general hospital and that's when I heard the full SP from the doctor. He has 3months to a year.

A week later I phoned the ward and was informed that he was not there but as I am not next of kin they couldn't give me the details.

So I have no idea if he's in a hospice or he has passed away.

They mentioned before about assisted living but I feel he should be in a hospice.

I'm upset. He was my late boyfriends best friend and when Charlie died we were there for each other.

Why him? He's only 59.

Don't know who to phone or find out.

[Maureen-GO2 Administrator]

Hi there. Maureen from GO2 Foundation for Lung Cancer here. I am so sorry to hear your story. This is certainly an unusual situation. I am a social worker and worked in mental health settings prior to coming to GO2 many years ago. I think it's possible that something, either related to the lung cancer (such as brain mets or depression from the diagnosis) or not (did he have pre-existing emotional challenges?) created a situation where his mental health deteriorated. It's likely he was in the psych hospital for his own safety. Also, sometimes hospice and assisted living services are offered in the same facility. I think it depends on how large a town or city he is in. If it's not large, there may only be one provider of these services for you to try to call. If he's in a large city, I'm not sure how to direct you. My heart goes out to you, I really appreciate your desire to find out how he is doing.

[Chase888 in reply to Maureen-GO2]

Hello MaureenYou are right. He was admitted to the psyche ward cos he threatened suicide. He had asked me to buy pills.

The nurse took him to his appointment at the other hospital and I met them. That's how I found out his cancer is terminal.

He has phoned twice in the early hours and doesn't know where he is.

He said he was calling the police because of the drug dealing.

I asked him who and what drugs. He just said he had to get off the phone to make this call cos he hates druggies.

I feel he is hallucinating. But at least he has people with him. He's definitely not at his flat cos his neighbour tried to find him and phoned everywhere.

I feel better knowing he is being cared for and thank you for your advice.

[Denzie Moderator Volunteer]

Do you know how to reach his sister? Sometimes cancer patients will try to avoid their friends and family because they don’t want to burden them.

From what you’ve written in the past I’m wondering if he’s trying to shelter you. He knows what you went through with the loss of your boyfriend and he may think he’s sparing you.

I don’t know how patient privacy is managed in the UK. Did he give his hospice caregivers permission to share his status with you? He may be using them as another layer to protect you from his decline.

[Chase888 in reply to Denzie]

Hello againThe cancer is effecting his brain. His lovely neighbour phoned everywhere.

Kevin did phone twice and said he didn't know where he was but then said he was calling the police about drug dealers.

I asked him who and he said he couldn't talk even though he had phoned me.

I feel better knowing he is being cared for.

Thank you so much

Love and hugs

[Denzie Moderator Volunteer in reply to Chase888]

You’ve got part of an answer and I’m grateful to know he’s where he needs to be. My mom hallucinated , too, with her brain mets. It’s heartbreaking to watch. Your a wonderful person and a truly loyal friend. I wish more people cared the way you have.

[Chase888 in reply to Denzie]

Hello againWhen my mum had an endoscopy the doctor punctured her gullet and mum was admitted cos the pain was excruciating.

One night doped up with morphine she accused a patient of being in my bed. Was wanting to know where her dog was.

Began calling our dogs name.

The nurse tried to explain that mum was in hospital and to go back to bed.

Mum told her not to dare tell her what to do.

Then mum says "there's a stranger in my daughter's bed. My dog is God knows where I won't be quiet.

Then called my dogs name.

They phoned me at 2am to ask if if mum had dementia.

I told them absolutely no way.

I spoke to mum when she was lucid and mum told me she wanted to go for her coffee break with the girls in her office but she had to stay in hospital.

Mum had retired like 6years ago.

I told mum that when I got that phone call I was scared.

So later on mum said to the nurses how dare they worry me like that but mum kept repeating it.

The woman in the bed opposite, I met her outside one day and she told me.

Back to Kevin we don't know where he is and I feel 'why Kevin?'

Why not my evil brother who abused me all my childhood.

Kevin has a sister and they are close.

I asked him once if he had ever hit her and he said

"If I had hit Susan, I would have only done it once cos my

dad would have battered me".

Susan is very upset and I only spoke to her on the phone. She sounded lovely.

But I don't have her number.

Like I said

Why Kevin?

Love and hugs Denzie

[Denzie Moderator Volunteer]

I’ve sent you a PM.