I am now 8 months from my time in icu from being in a coma and on a ventilator for 2 weeks.
I felt like life was improving the last month or so and felt like everything was getting back on track until now I am really struggling with my mental health to the point I’m lashing out on all the people I love the most, this is not me I have never been like this, I hate to just blame what I’ve been through but is this normal? My anxiety and mental health feel likes it’s worse than ever and I just feel awful on my loved ones for being so angry and especially when alcohol is involved. I just feel like I am not myself atm and I don’t know what to do about it. I am currently waiting to be seen by cbt but i feel the help isnt quick enough
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Ferndav
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By all accounts it sounds like what you’re going through is normal and a shared experience for people in ICU. My husband is at about the 9month mark and while he’s doing great in many ways mentally he is also still struggling with nightmares, health anxiety and feeling like he’s not at his level from before the coma. He’s found it helpful to join a counselling session with others processing their ICU experience as well as occasionally reading others’ experiences (sometimes acvidentally like in a book) that mirror parts of his own. So definitely please do keep reaching out for help. I’m sorry to hear cbt referrals are slow - perhaps connecting with people here can help in the meantime? There are also patient groups here worth checking out: icusteps.org/support/suppor...
You are most definitely not alone. Many of us experienced the same thing - easily angered, stress difficult to handle, always fearful of the next illness, difficulty sleeping, etc. The first year seems to be the most difficult to sort through and manage. As others suggested, talking to others does help.
I finally realized I can't manage stress as well as I used to. I can quickly become angry, and frequently say whatever is on my mind without thinking - I used to have a very well developed filter and quick response-analysis. Memory can also be affected. I often forget simple words in conversation. Never happened before this. That can be frustrating, as can the lashing out, so be aware that it is part of the healing process.
I've had to alter my lifestyle, work, and expectations. It's been about 18 months for me. Sedation and everything else involved with an ICU stay can leave physical and mental scars. Some heal quicker than others.
I would suggest it may be better to avoid alcohol and caffeine. It is easier to relax and handle stress without either of those altering our nervous systems, hyping emotions, etc. That is only from personal experience, not general medical advice.
This reply is amazing! Makes me feel like I’m not alone which is a massive help.
It’s hard to constantly blame what I’ve been through but I am a different person right now and I’m struggling to come to terms with this .
Me and my partner have also both picked up on my memory loss on little things too, we’ve laughed it off recently but now you have mentioned it I’ve noticed I do do it a lot
I was ventilated in december 2020, i still struggle with exactly the things you have mentioned, ive recently been run down with a chest infection and all of these things have worsened.
I hope you recover soon! I had a hint of a cold the last 4 weeks, but it went to my lungs immediately, though not sure why. Normally something that minor would be gone in a day - not even a concern. Like you, I also felt more run down, slept a lot more, and had to avoid stress to get it to finally mostly clear up.
Between the sedation and other drugs we were given, having a tube down our airways irritating throat and lungs, etc, I can only guess this is a likely side effect. Even though I still tend to fear every cold or flu, I am determined not to live in fear. Worry never helps anyway.
I think we can overcome or get past most of this with consistent exercise, a healthy natural (not processed/oils) diet, and finding ways to minimize stress and especially fear.
I don't know if others have seen the same, but I've found it harder to enjoy things, so I've started going back to restore that - listening to music I loved years ago, picking up a new hobby that always interested me, taking long quiet walks, etc.
Yes, I had trouble after being in a coma for 3 months. The doctors prescribed an antidepression drug to help me cope. They told me, there is no shame to needing help. Being so sick and in the hospital for so long is difficult for everyone. I'm glad you are reaching out for help. Be patient with your recovery. Also, calling your doctor for just a cough, is totally understandable. Be nice to yourself. It does take time to adjust to the new person you are and being a bit anxious is understandable.
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