Surviving covid

[Drewc]

I have been out hospital aweek spent a week in icu with covid unconscious when I woke up I thought I had been taken some where like my brain could not figure it out after a while I was put on a diff ward were 2days latter the delirium kicked in bad the night before my discharge the nurses and doctors were great but what's bothering me is why did I come so close to death my sister got me the last rights to survive this horrible thing while people with young children are dying while I have none and survive

[FamilyHistorian]

Hi Drewc

The drugs we were on in hospital and particularly in ICU do strange things to our minds and we are all effected differently.

When I was in the Birmingham QE I thought I was in the Gaydon Motor Museum and the QE was an airport. Additional I was treated in a derelict building and a hospital with an operating theatre under water.

I was sedated/ ventilated for nearly 2 months.

This is the first time that I have seen someone say they have a guilt complex about surviving. I’m sure someone will be able to explain. We are all on this world to make some unique contribution so don’t under value yours.

[Drewc in reply to FamilyHistorian]

thank you

[Darcy200]

Hi Drewc My husband spent 17 days on a ventilator and he’s feeling a bit like you.

He’s youngish at 53 but can’t understand how he’s survived and others who appear fitter and younger haven’t.

As we speak he is talking to the psychologist attached to the ITU he was in . Is this something you can access.

I think you need some extra support you’ve been through such a devastating thing and are still coming to terms with it all. Your GP might be a good starting point and there are lots of people on here who can offer advice take care

[Drewc in reply to Darcy200]

thanks iam 46 i just feel wierd about it hope ya husband feels better soon

[Darcy200 in reply to Drewc]

Thank youYou look after yourself too it’s a very emotional time just keep talking , try and find something different to do everyday no matter how small.when your fit enough try a little walk it’s helping my husband we don’t go far and we hold hands as he feels wobbly so make sure you have support

We’re all in this together here just shout out and hopefully someone can help

[FamilyHistorian in reply to Darcy200]

icustepschester.org/ run various support groups on zoom. You will find their contact details there.

Tonight is a drop in for relatives from 1850 until 2100 and you can join in at any time but you will need the link from the secretary. You don’t have to live in the Chester area. Additionally there is a drop in Thursday evenings for Ex patients ........

Also twice a week they run, during the morning, yoga sessions to help with breathing. And also twice a week physical exercise which is chair based. All the exercises are tailored to the individual.

[Sepsur]

@Drewc - my friend - I cannot tell you why we survived - there are far more deserving folk that should have survived.

What I can tell you is that having survived - I believe ( this is only my opinion) we are obligated to do something with that gift.

If you want to take part in putting your experience to good use why not have a look at an ICU support group - help someone else that is struggling.

Survivor guilt is a very weird phenomenon as is imposter syndrome.

We can make good use of you matey boy - icustepschester.org

[Drewc in reply to Sepsur]

all i now is i just have this feeling i cant shake

[joanne68]

I was very much like you. Its been exactly a year I was in icu in a cona ventilated for 17 days. The dreams and what I was seeing will never leave me till this day. Im still not sure what was real and what wasn't real. I will never know. Im just thankfull im here. I had my vaccination today. Im still suffering long covid symptoms. So so much better than I was a year ago but nowhere near where I was begore I had the damn virus.

[Drewc]

ithanks hun

[midNight57]

Hi Drew, I’m happy you are here and with us still. Being a week out of the hospital I’m sure things still feel very intense and confusing for you. I’m 32 and last May I was in ICU for three weeks, intubated for two weeks, and transferred between two hospitals for respiratory failure, pulmonary hypertension, lupus flare and bleeding in my lungs. They were convinced that I had covid at first and kept testing me thinking they were false negatives. If I made it to the hospital even two hours later I probably wouldn’t have survived with my oxygen levels dropping so rapidly. There is a reason you’re still alive. Things will be confusing for a while especially with the delirium. I had bad flashbacks and anxiety from all the nightmares I had while intubated and all the bad nights in the hospital while I was awake up until 2/3 months ago. Things probably feel vivid and intense for you right now but with support from groups like this and family/ friends, therapy, writing things down, etc I’m hoping things will slowly lift. I highly recommend requesting your medical records so you can make sense of what happened. I know for me the big change was reading mine and asking my doctor’s questions about things that happened and understanding my medical condition. It made everything feel solid and straightforward, instead of going down the road of analyzing nightmares that weren’t real and reliving those same feelings and fears over and over again. I still get flashbacks but they aren’t intense and all consuming like before.

You’re only a week out. Please try to be kind to yourself and heal. Happy you are here.