Can't stop feeling anxious over my dad's health

[mso94]

Hi everyone! My dad had Covid-19 in March, and we were told he would not make it... miraculously, he survived after 38 days on vent (31 days intubated, plus another week on vent with a trach)... He got both his trach and peg removed during Rehab. He doesn't require any supplemental oxygen.

He's finally home as of 3 weeks ago, but still very weak and deconditioned. Getting stronger every day, but nowhere near his baseline yet.

I find myself extremely anxious these days, after having spent countless months undergoing the trauma of having a loved one in critical care. I am overly cautious of anyone going near my dad without using hand sanitizer, I watch him too closely all the time to make sure nothing is going wrong, I panic internally if he coughs after eating/drinking because I fear he might aspirate and my mind just goes "worst-case scenario" and I feel dread inside (he passed his swallow test, but I keep reading about aspiration pneumonia and the thought of it scares me)

The thing is, he's doing great. Blood pressure and heart rate are getting better (heart rate was in 120s when he got out of ICU, now it's around mid 80's. His BP doesn't run low anymore like it used to, and he's always saturating 97-100) He's generally well, just weak. But my mind is traumatized from seeing him deteriorate so fast from Covid-19, and I'm always terrified of him catching something. He's only 58, so he's relatively young, but Covid still had such an impact on him, and I think that's traumatized me.

I don't want to live in this constant state of anxiety -- I feel like I haven't relaxed since March, even though my dad is home and steadily improving. Any words of wisdom would be so helpful right now. Thank you all in advance.

[FamilyHistorian]

Hi MSO94

From my perspective there are 2 people to consider here and that is you and your dad.

If you look at some of my previous posts you will see that my wife and I were / are in exactly the same position.

I came out mid March after 6/8 weeks of sedation / ventilation. My wife was just like you and constantly on alert. Even now 6 months later she is still cautious but more relaxed.

For instance I have gone from being given assistance in the shower, being supervised in the room to just leaving the door open so that she can hear and even she may not stay inside while I am in there. We have a hand sanitiser at the front door for those who are “allowed” to come in. I don’t open mail nor answer the door. I could go on. What you must realise is that you have gone through tremendous trauma which we the patient have no idea about. That continues but now you are doing it together.

From my perspective I had / have both physical and mental issues these can be worked on and resolved. But also as part of rehab I need to regain my independence and therefore you need to anticipate that your dad may react to your “over” protection as that is how he may see it. All I can say there is that you need to be aware that might happen and that you might have to be more covert in your protection.

The best support I had was through ICUStepsChester. I don’t live in their geographical area however they welcome anyone to their zoom meetings.

We do chair and yoga exercises each twice a week. These are aimed directly at the individual so that we can work at our own pace. There is a weekly relatives drop which lasts for as long as needed and in addition a weekly drop in support group.

More recently my hospital has started video physio and support but this is only for 8 sessions and I have just started CBT

[Sepsur]

I was told that it would take me between 10-14 days to recover from everyday in ICU. This is normal. I began to appreciate the long haul nature of rehabilitation from critical care.

The truth is that no one knows the long term health affects of Covid so there may be some specific legacies. I had flu, double pneumonia & ARDS along with being intubated & trachy over 77 days. This has left me with a weird cough for instance ( especially if I laugh). There are all sorts of weird momentos from ICU, the scar tissue around my trachy felt like a hand constantly round my throat.

My wife still losses a beat if I go quiet In another room. There are so many triggers for her but these have lessened over time. What she has experienced is typical, as is what you are going through.

I’m sure you’ll get responses from some relatives who’ve learnt ways to overcome their anxieties. I’ve found yoga does this for me - we run a virtual class twice a week, if you are ever interested.

[BabyRhino]

Hi mso94

I'm one of those relatives now learning how to rehabilitate myself now that my husband is home and doing well. I spoke with my Doctor and she told me it's natural to be experiencing anxiety after living in a state of such high stress for an extended period of time. She has helped me to realise that now the worst is over I have my own healing to do. I wish you well.

[PeterJu]

Hi! Like your dad I was in hospital on a ventilator with Covid. I am no doctor however it sounds to me like you are suffering from trauma. I believe the stress of families go through is in many ways worse than what the patient goes through.

We’re either oblivious to what’s happened to us or experience a number of things just being done to us. Families have to stay strong, relay messages, try and work out what the doctors are saying et cetera. In the medical information I have read, a high proportion of family members suffered trauma after the event. See attached a good document on trauma.

What you’re going through is perfectly natural and perfectly understandable. I would suggest you contact your doctor to see what help you can get. Unlike other bad memories, trauma doesn’t diminish over time so it’s well worth finding techniques to deal with it. Very best wishes Pete💙

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