The funny side of ICU and a long-term hospital stay.

[TheGingerDancer]

Hi everyone. So, although my trauma was terrible and savage (sepsis, multi organ faliure, pneumonia, ARDS, ECMO) I just want to take the time to talk about the lighter more humorous side of being in hospital, and some of the truly wonderful memories I have from being there. I hope some of you can relate and if you have your own stories, Post in the reply!

First off.... BED PANS. Whoever designed bed pans is an absolute t**t. They are the most uncomfortable, un- ergonomic thing in the damn world. I mean.... did the person who designed it ever try peeing lying down? Let me tell you friend.... IT DOESN'T WORK. I used to ask for extra tissue to place over my bits to stop the water fountain of pee ruining the sheets.... and my day. (Having your bed changed when you're bed bound is hard graft and a ball ache for the nurses!).

We all know nurses are super busy, so when you ask for a bed pan, and it's just a wee.... you kinda want to get it done quick so they can take you off it asap. Cue shy bladder. Seriously.... why now???!!!! You wait and store up the pee ( because bed panning is such an effing task and you want to avoid it as much as possible, so you try to condense the number of times you'll need to use it) then when you finally go, the nurse gets called away. You are then left rather precariously perched on a full to the brim, uncomfortable, cardboard potty. Minutes seem like hours. You're frantically pressing the call button hoping someone will return before your abdominal muscles give out and you're left in a very large puddle of your own pee. Finally the nurse returns and you warn her of the nearly overflowing bowl wedged under your arse cheeks. To get it out with out spillage is a real technique. I commend all nurses for everything they do.... especially this! I also enjoy the comments about what's been produced. I sometimes felt like a 'very good girl' and really pleased with myself for providing solid number twos. After weeks of it not being solid, I'm sure the nurses were the ones who were pleased. Small wins!

Nurses are the best people EVER. They work incredibly hard, deal with a lot of literal shit and still they manage to comfort you, make you laugh or tell you to get a grip and do it yourself. I had some wonderfully tough nurses who made me really work and try to do things for myself. I was immobile for over a month so had serious muscle wastage. It was coming back slowly but these wonderful humans gave me a dose of tough love and it meant I progressed a lot faster than if I had just laid back and waited for someone else to do it for me. I'm really grateful for that.... and everything they do.

There was a rather nasty patient called Mrs Grape.... she quite quickly got the name 'Sour Grapes' because she was so snappy with the nurses. I wonder what name I had?

I was on a respiratory ward where I was the youngest by about 40 years. And though I had lung faliure I didn't actually have anything wrong with my lungs. It was strange. Trying to drift off to sleep with 7 people simultaneously on a nebulizer was difficult.

The other patients really made me laugh. We had a lady who kept asking for her slippers and when the golf was on.... but very loudly, and at 2 o'clock in the morning. We also had a real drama when a patient from the male ward turned left instead of right out of the toilet and eneded up in our room. He then proceeded to try and get back into 'his' bed, which was of course occupied by a rather flustered slightly scared older lady! Trying to calm them all down was a sight.... I had a prime viewing spot from my bed! After weeks bed bound, I'll take a small dose of drama!

Another patient had apparently been 'very poorly' overnight. Turns out someone had smuggled in a bottle of sherry and he was just completely intoxicated!

By the end of my stay I was in a 2 person room away from the nurses station. The better you get, the further away you are from the nurses.... this was a great sign. My roomie was a lady in her 70s called Coral. For a short time I basically gained a Nana. We chatted away and told stories and our favourite thing was to discuss what we would order for dinner from the food menu. Menus are in rotation and we were lucky that that week was roast beef. We had it every day.... and Apple crumble and custard for dessert. Every night before going to sleep she would say 'night night Laura'. And I'd reply with 'night night Coral'. Hospital can be a rather lonely place, even when you're surrounded by people constantly. For a short time I felt like I had a friend and a Nana with me!

Towards the end it started to feel a little bit like a hotel stay. I could stay in my PJs all day, watch telly, someone would bring me 3 meals a day, I had people around me I knew.... it was awesome! I was glad to go home but there was certainly something about it I was going to miss!

I have so many more stories but this is a super long post. Maybe I'll do a series...... the next one will be about the time I was taken out of bed with the giant sling and crane.... I lost all my dignity as my tiny little naked bottom slipped through the gap in the sling for all to see whilst I was suspended in the air! More on that next time.......

Laura

[Sepsur]

🤣🤣 - you reminded me of many undignified moments which I think back on with some warmth. A word to the wise, If you are going to do a series - make sure your post is locked - you can easily alter it by choosing from edit option ( and you can do it retrospectively) it means only people in this community can see your post, rather than the whole web.

I remember that very early on in my learning to walk again ( & during a physiotherapy session) I warned physios that I was going to faint, apparently I collapsed like a rag doll over my Zimmer frame. I came to, lying on the ground of ICU, looking up to a ring of angelic nurses & doctors (the crash team) all peering down at me & thinking “f&@k, I’ve died and this is what heaven looks like....” in the same second, I became aware that I had become doubly incontinent (?) - apparently, I had suffered a vasovagal & went on to have many more with equally dramatic outcomes.

I have utter respect & admiration for the many health care professionals that helped to save me & remember them all with immense fondness.

[sheila21]

It was good to read your experiences. There are always funny stories to tell in a black humout sort of way. I didn't get to use bed pans as was wired up until I forgot and pulled the whole thing out venturing out on my crutches! Quite a feat apparently!

As a family we turn to humour to get us through tragedy. Always works! Hope you are feeling better and keep smiling! Xx

[isurvived]

One time my bed pan split in half! I remember making so much noise trying to go as well.😂

[isurvived]

Oh and there was a man next to me who had a portable CD player on the ward and he kept playing up town girl over and over.

[nick1972]

Hi Laura,

I've just read your 'funny-side' post, it's made me laugh and cry in equal measures. Thanks I really needed that boost x