No more babies :(

Hi everyone,

I have only recently found out that i do actually have APS. I have two beautiful children that I am VERY blessed to have. i have been advised that I should have anymore children. I thought I was fine with that, but always seem to find myself thinking about it. Maybe it is the fact that I feel the decision has been made for me rather than me and my hubsand making it. I feel awful for having a moan about this... as I know so many of you have such sad stories about miscarges.

I always wanted 4 kids .... so maybe that is why I feel so upset about this. Pregnacy was not easy with both my kids... my first one is where they found I had a PE in my lungs (this is where all the started I guess) Then my second I was vomiting day and night from 5 weeks to 38 weeks (plus having a 1yr old to care for!)

Currently I am on methotrexate as one of main problems was that I was having very bad joint pain. I have been on this for 2mths & I am noticing such a difference now. Not in pain all the time, and I don't find myself wanting to have a sleep every day! While I am on these meds, there is something like a 90% chance that if you fell pregnant the baby would be deformed. So its not an option just yet, as I do want to get myself well again before any babies.

Thanks for listening/reading about my wee moan. I know that I am very lucky to have 2 amazing kids... but not sure I feel finish yet.

Wendy

8 Replies

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  • I am so sorry you have not been given a choice in the matter. Childern are such a blessing. Give your little ones extra love :) APS can complicate & endanger so many aspects of our life that most take for granted. Maybe someday soon a new option for pain management will allow you to complete your family. Wishing you the best. Don't give up hope momma. :)

  • It isn't nice to have the choice taken from you no matter what the circumstances, but like you say you have 2 precious children to love already :)

    I have 2 boys, decided after mine that was my complete family.......then developed aps, so I know I already had made my choice, so many on here are still having multiple miscarriages & struggling to have one :( this saddens me hugely & I know I am so lucky to have had mine before I developed it completly, we are sure I had lost one inbetween my two boys? but we were never sure, we as mums have to be so grateful to have had our miracles & wish that others too will share that feeling too one day.

    You never know what your future may hold, so never say never :)

    Welcome to our Hughes family forum by the way xx

  • Hi there and welcome, it is good to have resolution and diagnosis and at the same time it can feel very hard to take. We all have different experiences and reactions but have an underlying similarity. I hope you can take the time to discuss this thoroughly with somebody you trust, so you can feel that you can move on with what you have, we all need our friends and family at times like this. Wishing you well. Mary F x

  • Hi Wendy, I am sorry for your situation and can empathise fully with you.

    I have had 6 pregnancies but I am lucky to have 3 children. Though one does have APS. The day after the birth of my last child the consultant told me I should never get pregnant again. I too always planned to have 4 children.

    My eldest now has children and it is 17 years since that day but to be honest the longing is still there.

    I feel guilty but still wish. Now I am 51 it can never be and that too is another sadness.

    I do feel for you. X

  • I feel for you too.... I was diagnosed with aps before I'd had any children..... I was in my 30's. I was advised to go back to see the consultant when I fell pregnant again and they immediately started me on aspirin and daily heparin injections. It was a very worrying time but I successfully had my daughter who turned out fine.

    I didn't believe it until she was in my arms.... although that too took time as I had to have a planned c-section.

    I always wanted more children... however my condition although not too bad at that time soon became worse and is very difficult to cope with let alone going through another pregnancy.

    I just wanted to share my experience with you in case it helped in any way. hugs go out to you, take care x

  • I was sterilised at 23 due to severe problems with pregnancy, I was really lucky that my little son survived, I desperately wanted more children in fact that was all I could think about.

    We looked into adoption and was told no as we already had a child, still couldn't get that real need out of our system, we dicided to foster, we looked after 4 lovely babies, new born. 6 months, 8 months eventually they had to leave, really really sad, but the joy of having them was worth it, we had had them for several months

    The 4th a lovely little girl of just over two, she was to be fostered with view for adoption, it took over a year for her to be really ours but in our hearts she always was

    That was a long time ago our Son is now 32 and our Daughter now 26. We have had such a lovely life with them and even more now that we are grand parents.

    I look back on it now and I really feel for you, but really glad that I didn't risk another pregnancy because I am still alive to see all this, and my memory is still good enough to remember it.

  • Thank you for the lovely support. Something I need to get my head around, and that will just take time. so many of you of have such sad stories, that I feel very selfish for every feeling like this. Taking me a bit to get my head around having APS too. I see the specialist again in May ... I have a lot of questions!

    Thanks W

  • Please don't feel selfish about how you feel! I am very familiar with how you are feeling and these kind of feelings just add to the guilt and feelings of loss you are experiencing right now. Like you, I also wanted to have four children - I didn't have a particularly happy childhood and have a difficult relationship with my parents and no relationship at all with my one brother who decided he didn't want to have anything to do with me. I really wanted to build my own big, happy family and then this stupid disease got int the way . . .

    I am also extremely blessed to have two wonderful children - it took quite a time to get there and I thought after I had my daughter 7 years ago that I would be satisified. I was already just a few months shy of 40 by that time. I was not at all ready for the overwhelming feelings of desperation for more children. Every time I left the house or even turned on the TV I was confronted by pictures of pregnant women or tiny babies and whilst I tried to look pleased for people I met, I was crying inside. This has taken some years to change how I feel. I am now (almost) 47 and I think that the fact that I would be unlikely to get pregnant naturally now does help me deal with the fact that I must be content with just two children. My health is not as good as it was in my 30s so we cannot consider adoption or anything like that - when I couldn't get pregnant we did think about it back then. I feel guilty admitting to these feelings as there are so many people who cannot have any children.

    I just wanted to add my thoughts to what other people have written so you know you aren't alone by any stretch and other people feel similar to you in this respect. It does get better too although it might take a while for you to get your head around things. Time does make a difference - it really does :) xxx

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