Ive been on a journey over the past few years. Ive learnt that non disclosure is much easier and less stress. However I do feel a bit guilty now and then.
Im fully aware of the law and I think its a joke and needs to be changed or abolished because why should you expose yourself to rejection and negativity when you're no risk to anyone. Undetectable = Untransmittable.
I know I need to man up but I cant bare being rejected and patronised when Ive disclosed. Ive learnt to survive I have to be selfish and not disclose.
I used to always disclose to every sexual partner but Ive learnt its not the way.
Guys who dont test spread Hiv not Undetectable guys like me and thats how I balance things out in my head when I feel a bit guilty after having raw sex.
Anyone else with similar thoughts out there?
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Stockton75
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Firstly, you are right the law is an ass. Criminalising HIV is not the way to go about reducing infection. If the law penalises "knowingly" passing on the virus it supports the perverted logic that it is better not to know ones status. This in turn can, and I believe will, create an environment that prevents some folks testing for HIV. As you point out there is a growing body of evidence that shows that it is the undiagnosed (and untreated) who are the most infectious and in turn most lightly to pass the virus on to their sexual partners.
Whether you need to 'Man up' or not is somewhat debatable and I would say needs to be viewed in context. In the gay world (of which I am immensely proud to be part of) it is not unknown for few, if any, words to be exchanged during casual encounters. If this is the situation then what opportunity would one have to say, "By the way I am undetectable so I cannot infect you with HIV".
I personally believe that we are each responsible for our own safety and completely reject the concept that it is the 'other person' who should protect me. Although having said that I also recognise this is more applicable to casual encounters and may not be the case in other situations.
I also want to add that although I am no expert on the law in this area. As I understand it the crime is to "recklessly" infect someone with HIV. I have heard that being on treatment with an undetectable viral load, it can be argued that this removes the reckless element of the charge.
Some useful links:
The HIV Justice Network is a global information and advocacy hub for individuals and organisations working to end the inappropriate use of the criminal law to regulate and punish people living with HIV.
The British HIV Association (BHIVA) and the British Association for Sexual Health and HIV (BASHH) both believe that this use of the law is unhelpful and potentially harmful to public health and support UNAIDS recommendations to limit the use of criminal law and the Oslo declaration view that a “non-punitive, non-criminal HIV prevention approach” is preferable.
More needs to be done in the gay community to educate people about being Undetectable /Untransmittable.
Gay men can be very cruel and judgemental and this needs to be addressed some how.
I do my best to educate people but I find it draining at times. I tend to be patronised with views of people that think they know best. There are mixed messages about Hiv.
I've had some bad experiences with NHS too. Ive been put to the back of the que when I had a colonoscopy and seen documents marked and highlighted with "Leave till end patient has Hiv" I was heart broken and sobbed to the nurse it made me feel dirty. Then I was angry and wrote a letter to the NHS trust. They explained there protocols and apologised for me having to witness the notes that I read and assured me it wouldnt happen to anyone else again.
I said to the nurse have all the people who are before me in the que had HIV and STI tests before thete colonoscopies and she said probably not and I said well those people are much more risky to anyone's health than I am and she agreed and said it was protocol to treat someone with hiv differently. Ie cleaning equipment more thoroughly after someone with hiv has used it. I said that was disgusting but this is obviously still goes on.
I still worry about going to hospital and being treat differently.
I totally agree with you. I disclosed once and now I have to move town cos the news spread like a wild fire burning me and affecting my entire household. I cant go on any date as it seems everyone had heard the story so I've become a social recluse. The worst case is that is that the more I try to enlightened people of the fact that undetectable viral load means untransmittable, the more they run. So until enough education is given the public on this issue, I will be telling anyone with an undetectable viral load not to ever disclose.
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Greetings from Glasgow
Chinese HIV like disease