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I'm fed up

I'm fed up trying to stay strong. It has been 14 1/2 months since my catastrophic sah and multiple organ failure and I've learnt to talk, walk, write again. I had right side paralysis as well. I don't remember most of that but I do remember that I have had right shoulder pain as for so long now. I've had 3 injections and now need an operation. I am fed up staying strong I just want to have a day where I don't have to. I want to cry but I am worried if I start I will not stop. I am hopefully moving to my own place soon so finally I will have some me time!!

4 Replies

i had my sah 6 years ago but have never had the challenges you have faced and continue to deal with i am only disabled i walk with a stck and supporting arm but indeed i am fed up and tired always thinking of others and helpig where i am able but recently for a few people i have stopped helping them which was a few quid here and there or drive them somewhere at my expence a result of a brain injury is tiredness and a short temper i cant do anything about the tiredness but i have on numerous occassions last week bit my tomgue being in your own home will be greatly better an assist you to be more independent neil


Thanks Neil for your reply. I don't blame you I think I would be the same but I would have done the same but it probably would not have taken me so long. I left rehab with such high hopes as was doing so well. I have now just seemed to go backwards or that is how I feel. Everyone who saw me in the 3 hospitals does not think that. It took me till June last year before I finally realised how ill I had been. I to walk with a stick outside and I still get fatigue. Melissa


You've had a major life change with what's happened and it will take you, your mind and body time (lots of it) to get use to everything. It's not easy (definitely not ), but like a jig saw puzzle it will come together eventually.

You can't always be strong, why should you be,!! were you always strong before?

I always appeared strong before my brain haemorrhage (well! on the surface) but since the B.H. I have lost my coping mechanism to stay strong and therefore often cry, shout, and swear. Crying doesn't make us weak quite often it makes us feel better and stronger, so go on have a good cry and realise some of the tension :)

I hope you feel better soon, take care :)


Melissa although I have no memory of it, my records show that I felt the same as you at one point...and I was so worried that if I started to cry I would not be able to stop ..and then one day when my husband was out it all got too much and I picked up the phone and as soon as the person on the other end answered I started to cry...and I did not stop for around thirty minutes. I was a horrible snotty mess by that point and the poor pal on the other end of the line had listened to me sob and splutter incoherently for all that time only to have me say Bye and put the phone down. I slept for three straight hours after that...but when I woke up it was like a huge weight had been lifted from me.

It wasn't that things miraculously improved after that but crying had released a lot of the pent up stuff that was bogging me down. and I had freed up some energy to continue the battle.

LeslieDilks is right, we can't always be strong...we are only human. I still get the odd day when it all gets a bit much and the tears flow...and then I sleep and wake feeling better.

You have come a long way in a relatively short space of time and the journey will continue and some times it will be harder than others...be gentle with yourself. You have done brilliantly. Hopefully having your own place will provide the privacy you need. I wish you well.


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