It's been 15 years. I'm looking for direction.

[saville75]

Hey there guys, I can totally imagine you putting your eyes to heaven and saying to yourselves "here she is again, she writes on here once in a while and then disappears..." and you're right. Sorry.

As I've said it's been 15 years since my TBI. I lost the career I'd put many years or study and slog into - gone in a second. All I felt I had left was my painting. I had plenty of time on my hands, so produced plenty of canvases. Although I've managed to have exhibitions, I haven't sold a single work, which makes me feel like it's a joke.

lhodonovan.com

But the prices of the canvases are pretty high, and given lockdown and the state of the world, it got me thinking that I could produce prints. These will be smaller and much much cheaper. So I've been playing around with this, producing jpgs that I could use. This has given me a little hope that I could start to bring in a little money - which would of course give me a little self belief and possibly even a tiny bit of self esteem. God, if only.

But. My husband, who I must say, has stuck by me through it all and provided the money in our house through his job. He has suddenly started laying into me about it. I've put a few of my ideas here for you guys to see. He has told me that it's all "a total waste of time", that "it's holding me back from moving on with my life", "it'll never sell, no one wants it" and that I "need to forget about the painting, it has no worth".

All that he's said has made me feel utterly lonely. I feel lonely a lot anyway since my TBI, but now it's official. I'm on my own here.

I would love to know whether any of you have any advice out there. I've felt terribly indebted to my husband since my TBI and what he's done for me. But can I live like that permanently?

[Sparkle58]

Hi

I think your art is beautiful - a great achievement. I think your husband is just unable to see the wonderful qualities and appreciate your pieces. His loss.

I think loneliness probably affects the majority of us after TBI.

In many ways for me it's been and still is just devastating although not as much if I had taken less personal responsibilityand just let things slide. Believe me that would have been so much easier to do than the daily excessive struggle tthat independant living involves; far less of a fight tho

when others were involved.

I too have some art not exhibited or even marketed online. Don't know how to or get help to do so.

Good luck

[1949liz]

Hi your husband is wrong totally and absolutely WRONG, Why because painting to you is therapeutic and helps your brain relax and strengthens your emotions. My now ex husband forbid me from doing mind games and jigsaws I told him no because my neurologist said it helps the brain find ways of healing in different ways. So what are you going to do??? Okay him or tell him lovely that you will continue to paint and you will begin to sell them. Maybe you need to reach out more to different places/ art galleries. Please do t stop your talented. Love Liz and Shelly 🙏❤️

[skydivesurvivor]

A. Ur art is amazing!! No doubt very therapeutic 4 u? More beneficial to do it, not selling it?! B. I believe, looking at ur ability with a brush. U have it in u to face/ deal with u marital problems. Sounds like a miracle hubby!! Mine couldn’t handle me, the changes in my character. To be fair the marriage was already in trouble prior to my injuries. We have a chance now to hone the new us, she’d the worse bits and find what makes us a nicer person. U certainly not alone in doing this. Many here are going through the same challenges. Use each other to bolster in trying times!! This site is a godsend!! People who understand because we are having the same experiences. Keep y chin up!!ok lower it occasionally to type?!!! But still wear the same goofed smile we all wear in defiance?!! See it’s there still? Take care & look after/ out for you!!

[Natachoc]

Hi,

I had a cerebral blood clot a year and a half ago. Up until a couple weeks ago, I was accepting the fact that I might have the symptoms (headaches, fatigue, insomnia, anxiety) maybe for a long time, or even the rest of my life. A couple weeks ago, I came actos This program called Concussion Fix, it’s a subscription based program with modules that guide you to recovery post concussion. Even though I didn’t have a concussion, my symptoms are similar to those of post concussion. What I have learned so far is that the injury and the danger are over (I had an MRI showing there was no structural damage) and that in order to heal or improve physical and mental capacity, we have to be in a recovery mode and to stop ruminating on the injury itself. They also encourage you to push yourself everyday a little bit more and that it’s okay to feel discomfort, not too much, but enough that your brain has to work a little harder, kind of like when you start a new sport, you have to train your body slowly. Up until now, I thought I had to stop an activity as soon as I felt symptoms, but it turns out, we have to do the opposite. If we feel dizzy going to the store, for example, instead of stopping going to the store, you have to keep going everyday, each time for a couple minutes longer so that your brain retrains your neuron connections for being in an Environment with a lot of stimulus. The less we do, the more connections are brain loses because it thinks we don’t need it, since we are not using them. I feel so encouraged now to push myself a little bit more everyday.

All that said, it can definitely be difficult at times with your spouse, because they don’t understand how you feel, even if they are trying to be understanding.

I think if you enjoy painting, you should keep painting, especially if it makes you feel good. Have you tried selling them on Etsy? perhaps try joining a local Arts Council or other art groups that might do expos more often. If your body allows, maybe try going to a local market on weekends, or putting them for sale on Instagram. There are lots of options to sell your stuff, don’t give up yet!!

[Silkwood20]

You have an amazing talent! Your point about people's limited budget may well be right though. I regularly purchase from Etsy, I find the site is user friendly.I actually brought a print from there earlier this year.. I wonder what other job opportunities the art world might offer, would you feel up to teaching given the right support?

[Dann2]

I don’t think painting is about money, i think it has far more worth as a creative process that gives you identity and self worth… and enjoyment, especially when going through difficult health issues such as a TBI. For this it is invaluable! keep going if it is what you want to do and helps you feel good.

[Painting-girl]

I haven't been on for ages either! Just was writing you a long reply, and then managed to lose it before posting - will pm you after my forthcoming crazy weekend x

[Painting-girl]

Hi, thought I'd better reply while I remember! Your husband seems to have been a decent sort so far, perhaps talk to him and try and find out what his actual worry is for you? Try and choose separate outlets for marketing your serious, and fairly harrowing albeit brilliant art, and your lovely more commercial designs - I'd be inclined to give Etsy a go with the latter, do some research and see what price point your competitors sell at. I think there's possibly a trade off to be made between stuff you sell to just make funds, and the art that you do for yourself - which hopefully will find buyers in the long term.

Have you any way of assessing the footfall on your own website? Can you optimise what searches you attract?

The route with the art scene sales hereabouts seems to be to join an art society and use their exhibitions, connections and advice, joining up for open house art trails and the like - plus it opens the door to commissioned work. Also there's nothing like being in a group of artists for mutual support.

Teaching is a tricky one, when I fill in occasionally and tutor my u3a group of no more than 10, I find it absolutely exhausting - but feel I'm giving back a bit as it's all voluntary. However, given your skills, could you intermittently offer any 1:1 tuition?

I don't think stopping painting is an option, it's like asking a musician to stop playing music, but I can understand that if I was living with someone else they. might feel excluded when l get absorbed to the exclusion of all else while painting. I'd argue that sort of concentration is awfully good for my brain though xx

[Fificakes2]

That's a very complicated situation,. It's not healthy to be with someone who you're feeling constantly indebted too, but I think it happens really easily when you're disabled. So when someone is doing more for you than you seem to do for them, then it's hard to feel value for yourself. I think he won't be staying with you just out of pity and I expect you give him much more than you realise and just by being yourself and that's even with a brain injury.

I've obviously never met either of you, so I'm just giving you idea to feel better and maybe he puts your idea down because he's scared for you and he doesn't want to see you upset if it does go wrong? And it would mean change for him too, change is scary.

Good luck with your art sales and you are determined person, so I think you'll get there in the end.

[saville75]

Thank you all for your replies, it really helped me. It made me feel less alone, which is such a common feeling I've had since my TBI.

My husband and I eventually talked about this issue. There were a couple of misunderstandings between us and he accepts that as a side line - which is what it was always intended to be - he sees the benefit of it for my head. So I'm getting on with some designs when I get the chance. Though saying that my boy is now on his summer holidays so that time is going to be few and far between!

Thanks everyone X