Life after a brain haemorrhage

[lollyx789]

Hi there first of all let me introduce myself as i'm a newbie here. I'm Laura I'm the daughter of my father who had a brain haemorrhage.

I'm just looking for some understanding really.

My father had a bleed on the brain in 2019. Ever since that date he got irritable really easily and nasty. I didnt live with him as they moved in Jan 2020 200 miles away. It was like he was a changed person ever since he had the bleed.

He became really snappy, nasty and frustrated easily. Is this a sign of change after he had the bleed?

Unfortunately my father passed away May this year. I saw a massive decline in him. Im a sensitve soul and Christmas was a horrible time I spent it up in the bedroom in tears every day I was with him and decided after him appearing to not care I was even there and after an argument and him being selfish I walked out Christmas day night.

I tried to make amends slowly and visited him on his birthday in january but stayed overnight then didnt visit for four months and really didnt want to due to his attitude.

Fast forward I visited for my mums birthday and I went up to see them I noticed my dad had lost so much weight (he was small as it was) he said he had a bad back but wouldnt go doctors)

A month later I get a text from him going mums got me a doctors appointment. for his back and he was pretty much dismissed and then he developed a nasty rash on his arm and got taken to hospital which is where he passed away from infection.

If you've read this far thank you.

I'm just wondering for myself really could his outbursts, frustration and lack of get up and go be a long lasting side affect of the brain haemorrhage he had? It was like over the last two years since he had it he was a changed man. Like after christmas I would have called him mentally abusive towards me and mum.

But when he passed away I got a text message from his old workmate going how he loved and cared for me so much and used to love me visiting the holiday cottage before he had his injury.

Can anyone understand as a family member going through everything with a brain injury survivor?

[DawnD123]

Hello Lolly, I’m very sorry to read about your dad and your loss. I celebrated surviving my SAH 28 years ago yesterday.

Please know that it is ‘normal’ that your dad reacted that way after his brain injury and it is definitely NOT something that reflects on you or your relationship with him.

The most useful thing for me after I had mine was finding a book in the library by Trevor Powell. I have just checked on google and there is a revised edition - Head Injury - A Practical Guide Revised Edition. This was THE most useful book to me in my recovery. I renewed it for over two years.

I remember being very comforted by discovering that things I was stressing about were‘normal’ to my recovery. I do remember my relief in knowing that, although my personality changed, for me that was for the better. I became less worried about the insignificant things in life and developed the attitude of ‘my glass is half full’. I remember thinking that I was soooo lucky to survive. The figures at that time were 85% didn’t survive, and being female and in my age group (31) only 1% survive to the extent I did.

I do remember it told me that the majority people having this type of haemorrhage have a personality change and not usually for the better. My short term memory is still appalling so to remember this book proves that it made such an impact on me.

I don’t know if it would be a comfort to you to read it but if you don’t, do keep in contact on this site. There are some amazing people on here with various experiences. There is always someone who understands what you are experiencing whether you had the brain injury yourself or are a family member or friend of someone who has.

All the very best to you, big virtual hugs!

Dawn

[Suziewong15]

Hi Lolly, I can only tell you what I’ve read and yes, your dads brain bleed affects different parts of his personality. You have to try and remember your dad before his brain bleed and how much he loved you and was proud of you.My husband suffered a brain tumour in 2007 and his personality changed in that he became verbally abusive and many a day I’d spend in tears. He was such a changed man after that with occasional glimpse of the man I married. Please remember the happier times spent with your dad and not the stroke that became him. X

[Alibongo60]

Hi Lolly, sorry for your loss, it must be even harder to think you let him down, but when someone is abusive towards you it’s very difficult to get past the reasoning. It does sound very much like your dads was due to his brain injury, if he wasn’t like this before it then I think that is more than likely. My haemorrhage has made me more vocal, my family say I have lost my filter, which can be quite cruel at times, and sometimes have to be careful in circumstances. I think the dad you knew before his illness is the one you should remember and like his friend said how much he loved you, anytime we can help and support you pop back there are lots of nice people who will help you love Alice xx

[cat3]

Hi lolly. Sadly, aggression is a common symptom of brain injury and a massive challenge for loved ones. It's hard for the afflicted person to control as they can't grasp its effects on others, due to loss of insight.

When I joined Headway I quickly learned the expression 'The Old Me' & 'The New Me' (to progress, we must accept loss of our old self, and adapt to the one we're left with). And it can feel so unfair.

But for family, especially in the event of aggression and in many cases violence, the unfairness is equally devastating but with the added rejection and humiliation.

The haemorrhage which impacted on areas of your dad's brain was responsible for his emotions and judgements. His injured brain was behind all the negative behaviour ; no one's fault and no intentional hurt.

I hope in time, maybe by looking at photos and talking with your mum & others of happier days, you'll remember how your dad loved you and laughed with you to help ease the pain of his illness and loss.

Condolences and all best wishes, Cat x

[sashaming1]

Welcome here.

[lollyx789]

I want to say thank you so much for these lovely and understanding comments. I have taken them on board x

It was just bloody hard sometimes it really was but I'm now ready to sort of understand it all.

[tunas]

Hi Lolly, unfortunately I have found it has changed me in the same way, I get angry and have outbursts some of the time. I am fighting it now because I hate the person I have become, I was never aggressive in the past. It is fairly common amoungst those with an ABI unfortunately, there are many symptoms of dementia that match that of a brain injury. I am sorry for your loss and I wish you all the best.