Anxiety and other symptoms preventing me from moving forward?

[James1984]

Hi, is it just me or do others suffer from anxiety and depression significantly after bi? I find fatigue affects me a lot to the point where I don't communicate well with others and my left-side tends to show symptoms of limping/sag in my face/speech doesn't come out properly. When the tiredness in my eyes combined with the frown particularly in the left-side of face shows in public I find I scare a lot of people and get a lot of sharp comments said in passing. Is this just the sad fact of having a disability or should I manage my fatigue better regardless? People can be quite cruel and narrow-minded, but I find it really getting to me after a while.

[Pairofboots]

Hi James, anxiety and depression are common, and there are effective treatments to help speak to your GP or your rehab team. I struggled with this, it isn't something that you can deal with without help.

Fatigue is another area that we all deal with. We all try to push through thinking that we just have to beat it. It's referred to as "boom and bust". We push and push, until fatigue knocks as flat. You need to listen to your body, if you need to rest, then rest. Start to pick up on sign's that you are dipping. It is a balancing act, and when you recognise the sign's, and give yourself time to recharge, it does get easier.

There are no quick fixes, but the symptoms can be managed, it does get better. Keep talking here, and to those close to you. 🍀

[James1984 in reply to Pairofboots]

Hi Pairofboots, yeah I think it's a matter of finding the right help. In the past when I was still pretty much a kid I've spoken to general psychologists and it's been difficult for them to understand brain injury's, and difficult for me to communicate what I'm going through due to lack of memorising the exact details of how difficult events happened.

My personal situation isn't great at the moment which is probably a factor in how fatigued and stressed I am, but fatigue is something that always affected me significantly more as compared between myself and people I used to hang out with. I definitely tend to push too much which is partly why I've ended up in the situation I'm in now, I should have just slowed down in the first place and have more rest to manage my fatigue.

[lcd8]

Completely agree with Pairofboots. I'm afraid fatigue is a major symptom of BI. And unfortunately the (largely ignorant) public can be very cruel and judgemental of hidden disabilities.

[James1984 in reply to lcd8]

A lot of people are so judgemental and easily dismissive....until it happens to them or someone they love. Then it really shakes their world.

All I can really do unfortunately is present myself the best way possible by managing my stress and fatigue.

[lcd8 in reply to James1984]

Completely agree. It really doesn't matter how much you try to explain. Not many people 'get it'. That's the advantage of sites like this - somewhere to vent. Very best of luck.

Lulu x

[cat3]

Hi again James. I'm wondering if your GP has managed to get you on a waiting list for a neuropsychiatrist ? I know it takes time ; waiting times here in UK can be really frustrating.

Fatigue is probably top of the list in Bi symptoms. Like most of us here, I wouldn't accept it at first and believed that willpower & determination would get me back where I wanted to be. How naive was I .....

And I do empathise with your embarrassment in public. I'm self-conscious of (what I'm told is) my ultra-serious expression from concentrating hard on walking in a straight line without veering off into passers-by (made worse recently by limping with a knee injury 🥴).

I hope you've an appointment pending with the neuro-psych ; I'm sure there's help to be had there.... 😏 x

[James1984 in reply to cat3]

Hi Cat,

Yes, I managed to make an appointment to see a Neuro-psychiatrist (the only one in my State....) in 5 weeks time. Will see how he responds, I would really like for him to recognise that physical exertion has a big impact on my fatigue. From my enquiries with Neuro-psychologists, they tend to assess my mental ability sitting down in a relaxed environment when I'm at my best, which I feel I would do ok at. Out in a hot factory/warehouse environment with multiple situations happening at once requiring me to stay alert is absolutely exhausting, not too mention the physical factor involved in the job.

Your absolutely right that willpower and determination only gets you so far! I'm not working at the moment so have opportunity to rest, but my difficult personal situation requires me to foresee multiple things that could go wrong and organise accordingly, which makes things exponentially difficult when people on the other end don't do their job properly. All the while trying to find part-time work, or full-time in a less exerting role, and showing up to interviews in a 'less than ideal' state.

Shallow people just really get under my skin lately, especially when I've got all this frustration on the inside, which probably visibly shows on the outside. They don't stop and think, or have any care to filter what their saying. It's really just a reflection of the state of the world I guess.

Thanks again Cat, it's been a real help to find this community for support. I'll keep you all updated on what comes about in the next month or so.

[cat3 in reply to James1984]

Great news James ,,,,,and in only 5 weeks ! Keep us updated. x

[Painting-girl]

As the others have said James, we're a bit more prone to anxiety and depression after a BI - both because of dealing with the injury, and because of it. On the fatigue front I found a neuropsychologist very helpful for learning strategies to manage fatigue. Your stroke was many years ago - how old were you? What have you found that helps?

[James1984 in reply to Painting-girl]

Hi Painting-girl,

My BI was about 25 years ago now, when I was 13, and although for a short time after the injury I had some support and opportunity to manage the fatigue, I've really pushed too hard to live a normal life and haven't really recognised the 'reality' of my circumstance. It's only now I've come to realise that I can't function as well as normal people, and that's what employers expect out of me.

My best option to present myself the best to my employer and be of value is to work in a part-time role that is not too physically exerting, that way I can manage my fatigue and am not irritating or a liability when I'm tired.

The anxiety and depression I feel is brought by too much tiredness and stress, and I tend to have 'thinner skin' and tolerance in these moments. But at the same time, I would prefer to be around more 'open-minded' or people who can empathise with others who are different. A shallow crowd will always be difficult to deal with, so I'd rather avoid.

Maybe that makes sense, maybe it doesn't, but I'm feeling a bit tired now anyway haha. Let me know what you think?

Thanks Painting-girl.

[cat3 in reply to James1984]

'Thinner skin' ...........EXACTLY how it feels James ! 😦x

[Painting-girl in reply to James1984]

Hi James, that makes sense, particularly that when you were in your teens and twenties you were trying to fit in - that's part of normal development. Also to be pushing at your boundaries all the time.

I think that I'm doing pretty well four years on, but that's until I compare myself with people my own age - which is always a bit of a moment. It does sounds like you've done well to work out how to manage work.

My neuropsychiatrist mentioned an 'over sensitivity to stress' to me, and I think that makes sense - sometimes when my fatigue feels bad, it does seem in response to the mental overload of too many competing tasks. My 10-25 minute meditation breaks work well in either case - my problem is remembering to take time out...

You're right about the connection between getting tired and having a shorter fuse. The task is to anticipate that and have better strategies for dealing with difficult feelings - some way of taking ' time out 'however brief.

[paxo05]

Hi as all the others have said it's a common thing. Fatigue seems the real downer.

It can xatch you out flatten your mood your concentration and seriously f**k with your day.

Personally I have stopped trying to conquer it but rather live with it. Plan for it even and let it into your day . Trust me the more you battle the more you tend to lose.

I'd even nearly go as far as embracing Fatigue. For a while I think I even named my Fatigue as being Daved or Kevined, can't remember which .

My family got used to having Dave or Kevin around when the Fatigue put me in a mood.

It will probably be around a long time so try planning for it .

Pax